The Perfect Match

Kamalji · Sep 12, 2007

Abha,

Wow a 5 crore bunglow and broken furniture.And waiting for Brothers dowry furniture.Sad.

So if the girls father has given in his dau's wedding, now he will want to take for his son's wedding eh !

My daughter got married last year, and the boy's side said we want nothing.But we gave what we wanted to our daughter, out of love and not out of pressure.

My daughter's mother in law told my wife " Dont worry, she is going from one mother's house to another mother's house.

when my wife told me this, i could not contain my tears.I dont normally cry,as i feel i am a tough guy,but these kind words moved me.There arer such nice people still around inlife.My dau is very happy with her inlaws,and now call them Mummy and Daddy, and cals us Mom and DAd:2thumbsup:

And i feel God has been kind to us.As there is a saying

" SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME " Thank u my lord.

Regards.kamal

twinsmom · Sep 12, 2007

Hi Kamalji,
very truly said.... Many a marriage becomes a nightmare thanks to Dowry demands... Can you believe it? In kerala, the girl is given gold by the kilo... The more number of kilos you hang on the girl, the happier the in laws and the community and the society becomes...

what a sick scenario...! Diamond earrings are the hallmark for a Tam bram wedding.... and now a days, cars and flats are added incentives to take your daughter off your hands... Real market place!

Kamalji · Sep 12, 2007

Viju,

Sad really.In my family, we neither take nor give.We just say, give what u want to yr daughter.Meaning clothes and jewellery.And we wear more to the daughter in law, that what the girls side has given.

So the expenses aer almost the same.

the ring ceremoney, the girls side bears the expensive, the Sangeet, the boys side, and the reception is all 50 50.So for us , the costs are the same.

Sad when u are forced to give flats and cars.When will this end.Regards.kamal

honeybee · Sep 12, 2007

Kamalji
I' ve been reading all your blogs/threads ... thye are awesome.:2thumbsup: pardon me for my laziness in being quiet all these days.

"perfect match".. marriage at the age of 21? Are you referring to the marwari community only?
Sir these days the scenario is changing.Parents of girls do not even think about their marriage till they reach 25 years of age.Girls on the other hand are ambitious and their demands are high like.. alliance abroad, nuclear family system etc.
Looks like there is a dearth of prospective brides in the tam bram society these days..
The ratio of would-be grooms to brides is roughly 3:1.

Regards
Honeybee

Kamalji · Sep 12, 2007

Honeybee,

Yes there is a dearth of good brides these days.But many parents get worried when the girl complets graduation say at 21.This is common to many communities at large.

In ours, the girl has the final say even if we show her the groom.Even when the boy says yes, the last answer comes from the girl's side.

Marwaris are very bad even today, where dowry is concerned.Ask anyone in Rajasthan and they will endorse what i say.

Thanks for yr kind comments,and i feel like writing, when i have such good fans like you.regards.kamal

Abha · Sep 12, 2007

I agree with you Kamal ji, there are many communities who get their daughters married off ASAP... and its not even about community its about what class a family belongs to... i have seen more of it happening in business families.

what i find more disgusting is, where the parents just fill in the minds of the young girls that they just have to get married after they finish their studies... i mean even if a girl is sharp minded and has the capability if excelling in academics... this very thought can make her complacent abt studies and take life easily on the whole..

~Abha

Sindhuja · Sep 13, 2007

Kamal ji,
What you have said is true. Some parents plan their daughter's marriage when the girl is 20 or 21. I guess they think they have to finish their duty when they are quite young and monetarily strong. They don't even care about their daughter's mental maturity, etc. I know a girl who got married to a drunkard (arranged marrriage) when she was 18. Here that father's theory was, "the boy is quite rich and educated, let my girl change him". What happened even after the marriage that guy used to drink, lie on the road most of the nights. Recently I heard that he is no more and the girl and her kids are left alone. I pity that girl. Hope parents like the above quoted one change their attitude and think about the girls future.

Kamalji · Sep 13, 2007

Abhaji,

Yes it is about a family marrying another family rather than the boy marrying the bride.The girls are not given a chance to blossom,and be on their own feet,which will help them in their later life.

Regards.kamal

Kamalji · Sep 13, 2007

Sindhujaji,

that example u quoted of the girl marrying the drunk is so sad.Parents think the girl will change the boy,what a stupid attitude.In our families besides the family, we see the boy too,is he capable of taking care of our daughter, is he earning, or totally dependent on the father,etc.

Thanks and regards.kamal

roopadadia · Sep 17, 2007

Hello Kamalji,

Yet another social issue which you have picked...hats off to you.

I agree with you and many others here regarding the parents step motherly approach towards the girl child.

All parents should make their daughters independent and should imbibe such a culture that they can understand the difference between the right and the wrong.

Actually, many parents think that if we give freedom to our daughters then they make take advantage of this. And this is a fact in many cases.

But yes, if right from childhood if parents imbibe good culture into their children and make them independent then they will not have to be auctioned in the market to get a good groom.

We are 3 sisters but never for once have our parents made us feel that we are a burden to them. And have told us that if ever you find anything amiss at your in-laws place don't hesitate to come back. But with their blessings my in-laws are also very good and understanding.

Warm regards
Roopa.