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The Perfect Match

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Sep 11, 2007.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    The Perfect Match




    I have seen parents of girls,quite a few of them, that when she is around 21 or so, they start getting frantic,to find a groom for her.And when they meet me and wife,they talk in such a worried tone,making us feel,as though their daughter is a burden on them.I pity the poor girls, who are made to feel, the sooner they get married and move out the better it is for the parents.What can the poor girl do?She has just completed her graduation,and studying further,and here u are talking to her about something that is delestable at that time.



    I do not understand the reasons for the hurry.After all she is your own blood and family,give her the education she needs, the guidance, the love.dont tell her that she is to go as a bride from here,and never to come back here or look this way, as used to be the case in the olden days.Make her feel you are always there for her,and this is as much her home then,as much as now.God forbid , if her husband turns out to be a scum,or beats her, just call her back,even if she has kids.She is your own blood man.



    My advise to parents of girls is " Save a little extra, besides the wedding expenses", so that in case of something going wrong in her marriage, u can take her in, and set her up a small business of a beauty parlour, or anything such,which dosnt requrie too much capital,but from which she can make her ends meet,without having to depend on anyone,and educate her so much that she can work in a good company on her own merits:"


    Finding a match is not easy these days.A cousin of mine, staying abroad,staying with his parents used to be dragged by his mom every year for the pilgrimage to India , to find a bride for him.And they would have appointments lined up, and go visiting a dozen cities in India.Mostly the girls would reject him, bcs he is a straight guy,seedha guy as u can say.The girls would demand that he stay away from parents, and have his own business,and that he goes to discos and restaurants,and this guy was just the opposite.After around 10 years of rejections he got married, and he's happily married.He used to come and tell us brothers what happened wit the interviews,and we used to have a hard time to stop laughing.


    Marwaris here have the money tag here.They just say ,my son has been offered 30 lakhs, whats yr offer ?This is like the land auctions held by the Govt.The h ighest bidder gets it ! Suppose a Marwari has 2 girls,one normal, and another Blind,the boys wont mind the Blind Girl if the Bride's father is willing to pay double.


    We have match makers here, where to register u have tofirst pay 11000 to 51000 advance, and when the match materilaises, he gets a cut ranging from 10 to 20 % of the Dowry.That still happens here in Rajasthan as well as those child marriages.


    Newspaper Advts, the less said the better.What they say and what they turn out, is totally different.And from the Internet,well well.
    In Fact i have been thinking of putting a false picture in a bio on the marriage bureau,describing myself as a 26 year old Macho guy,wanting to get married,working in an IT Company drawing X KKKKKK rupees salary and invite replies to a bogus email ID,and an curious to know which females reply,how they look.But i have not got down to do it.


    Good that i am not of this age.Neither can i find a spouse for myself,nor do i have the patience to go thru all the advts and the Pandits,and see girls by the Dozens,pick faults,and give reasons why I did not like the girl,if asked.But I am dead sure,I would surely be dead,living like Bhisham Pitamah,getting others married.Im lucky my wife chose me,shes the first and the last I saw,I have no regrets,I dont know about her.Let me go and ask her.


    KAMAL MAHTANI


     
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  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    hi kamalji...

    The parents are going round and round for the perfect match these days...i have seen a family friend he is a nice guy..earning ok..but rejected by girls for reasons..he is thin..lives with parents..does not have a own house....

    marriage looks like a good business..these days....

    Yeah i have heard down south..there are castes which say 100 and 100...100 is the sovereigns of gold and the other 100 is the rupees..let us leave the number of zeroes out of it......
     
  3. Vysan

    Vysan Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Kamalji,

    I think I missed the Bus.... I should have waited little more..... hahahaha...

    There are two issues.... The parent will feel if i leave him/her.... he /she may choose the partner of their own choice.... If we wait too long for a right partner then it may get dragged and become unsalable.....

    There are quite a few community who demands huge sums... If we dont ask for also, we are looked at differently.... something should be wrong with the boy.....

    I have seen all these things in my own family.... why go outside...

    so.....The perfect match, in my opinion never happens.... It depends upon the individuals to make it happen....The expectation levels of the people are increasing....

    So...

    Veda
     
  4. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Shanti,

    Thats true, marriage for many is a good business, the groom, thje pandits, the match makers everyone makes a pile,i feel sorry for the girls side many a times.

    I did not know about the 100 gold coins, but it is possible.

    Thanks for being the first to inaugurate the comments of this blog, as usual.Thanks a ton.Regards.kamal
     
  5. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Veda,

    Yes ia gree at times if u dont ask, they may think something is wrong with u.HAHA.

    Well i saw the first and said yes.no regrets.And she has borne with me for 28 years Veda.Some achievement :2thumbsup: I am not a very easy person .HAHA.REgards.kamal
     
  6. Nivedi

    Nivedi New IL'ite

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    Well said Kamalji. I wish many parents would read this and understand the context. Why marry in a hurry and repent in leisure? Many parents start getting anxiety disorders when their girls turn 21. I am not sure if the girls are prepared to get married. At 21 some are unsure of the path they have to take. So why not give them some time to think and decide. In a year or so, will the girl suddenly age so much that nobody will be ready to marry her.

    A distant relative of mine got married four years ago. She had just finished college and had failed in her college finals. She was sitting at home doing nothing. So her dad got her married to a good-for-nothing man only because his father (the girl's FIL) had earned a lot of money and owned a house. The girl had a short-lived marriage. She returned to her parent's home and is now working and earning well.
     
  7. slp807

    slp807 Bronze IL'ite

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    Kamalji --- very good post and like nivedi said i too wish many parents to read this.

    from my point of view,

    i feel that the change sld come in parents(sorry if i hurt anyone) not to get thier daughters married
    just after completing their studies at the age of 21 .give them sometime to work and live independently so that they can have courage and self confidence to fight back if anything goes wrong.
    i know some of my friends very well educated and have good ambitions in life to acheive something but their parents want to get them married and my friends dont want to do anything against their wish andnow going through bad phase of their lives and are in depression and suffering a lot.if they are in foreign country and gng through all this,the situation is all the more difficult.

    if i know any one in my freinds/ relatives cricle who are going to get married at the early age , i am trying to talk to their parents and convince them to wait atleast till 24. i know that if we have bad time anything can happen even at 24 but we will be dare enough to face the situation and fight back instead of making our life miserable.

    I pray that everyone should have a happy life.
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2007
  8. Abha

    Abha Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Kamal Ji

    How well you have described the whole marriage business in north india, i'm from delhi and i have seen a lot of this... specially in Baniya Community or Marwari community...

    I had a marwari friend, in fact i have had many baniya friends... in their family they used to give out gold chains to all the baratis and diamonds for the whole family and what not.... and if the guy's side spends 50 Lakhs on the wedding the girl's side is bound to spend 1 crore on wedding... also the guy and the girl meet will be held and if its a yes a full fledged party wud be thrown there and then in the 5 star hotel.. god and wedding well thats understood, cannot be anywhere other than a 5 star... whether the girl's family has 5 other daughters to marry later....

    there was this friend of mine... who bought a bungalow in delhi for almost 5 crore... but when I went to her house... they still had old rotten furniture in fact very less furniture... i asked her if you cud afford this bunglow why cudnt u buy the furniture... well the answer was "dad is looking for girl's for bhaiyya, so anyways there wud be so much of furniture coming in marriage... whats the use of buying it now..."

    its not that there is no "len den" in our punjabi community but yes definitely everyone does things according to their own wishes and there are no obligations on any side to give things out... whatever len den happens is all to give respect to other side and to follow a few customs...

    But ya there are people in every community who start such fashions and make others follow them... which is complete crap and it is actually in our own hands to change such practices.

    ~Abha
     
  9. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Niveditiji,

    Thanks for yr nice and generous comments.Like u i never understand what is the rush.I feel the ideal age should be around 23 to 25 for girls,when they have studied and worked a little,and know a little about the world around them.For boys 25 to 28, when they are a bit established and on their own feet 21 is too young for a girl to get married,as she must have just finished her graduation.


    For sons, we have to look after their needs till we edie.If he is in financial problems, even when he is 40, we do help him with whatever we have.So why not the same for girls.

    We cannot and should not tell our daughters, that yr doli will go from this house, and yr Arthi, that is dead body will go from yr inlaws house, meanign dont ever come back,even if they beat u.Just bear it.Cruel i would say.

    We do try our best to find the best match for our daughters,but then if something goes wrong, we should be there for our daughters.

    Thanks and regards.kamal
     
  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    SLP,

    I endorse everything u say.That is good advise u give.Parents get panicky very soon.they think all good matches will go away.They dont realise " There are many a fish in the Sea ".No one is the ultimate.


    Thanks and regards.kamal
     

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