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The Other Women In My Life - A Special Tribute On The Eve Of International Womens Day

Discussion in 'Wednesdays with Varalotti' started by varalotti, Mar 6, 2007.

  1. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    The Other Women In My Life!


    Several years ago I accompanied my client to see a clairvoyant. That person had rare powers and just by seeing you, he can say a lot about you. I was working with that client on a serious family partition problem and so I was taken along for some consultation.

    The clairvoyant saw me! Our eyes met. And what a deep, penetrating glance it was! He told me, “Sridhar, do you want to hear something about yourself?”
    More than me, my client was interested. He said, “Saami, please tell us whatever is there in your mind.”

    The clairvoyant smiled at me and said, “You will have a lot of women friends. Your joys and sorrows will come mostly from them.”

    Well, the clairvoyant has a roundabout way of saying things. This was the intrepretation which my client also agreed to.

    But I found later that these two simple sentences had a lot of meaning hidden between them.

    I wrote a Tribute To Womanhood a few months back. (That was the attraction which brought my wife into this wonderful site) There I had talked about the women in my life – my mother, my sister, my wife and my daughter. There was a passing reference to other women friends and fans.

    This thread which opens up on the occasion of the International Womens Day is dedicated to my women friends. To cover all the “other women” in my life, I need much more than the bandwith of the entire site. I am giving the most touching examples.

    There was a teenage girl from <st1:State><st1:place>Michigan</st1:place></st1:State>. We met in a chat room and soon became friends. She was about 18 or 19 and I, 41 at that time. I told her my age, my marital and family status and also made it clear that we might not meet each other at all.

    She wanted somebody to talk about her problems and troubles. At that time she had problems with her health as well as with her boyfriends. There was an Indian boy chasing her. I became her Father Confessor. I told her to be careful with her health, even more careful with her boy-friends and much more assertive with the boy who was stalking her.


    When she asked me with an open heart, “To what extent I can go in a sexual relationship with a boy friend?” I did not sit on a high pedestal and preached her. I told her that her system of values was different from mine.


    But I strongly advised her that sex, should not be doled out as a candy to win over boy friends. And neither should it be denied in a long-standing and committed relationship.


    When her niece, a girl of 17 was suspected pregnant she was devastated. I wrote to her not to be too harsh on herself and let things shape up themselves. Soon it was found out that the girl was not pregnant. My friend was relieved.

    She finished her schooling, got herself trained in secretarial jobs and has now settled in a <st1:country-region><st1:place>US</st1:place></st1:country-region> city along with her long-time boy friend.

    Many times I have found counsellors standing on a higher pedestal and talking in a “holier than thou” tone. It upsets the person counselled and only serves to frighten them. When I say that I have counselled a lot of people I never meant that I do not need counselling. I do need it at all times. And when I felt that burning need Mrs A appeared in my life. We met in a chat-room and soon started exchanging mails.

    Mrs A’s marriage was in trouble. And I had problems in my office. Bigtime.

    So we started counselling each other. She was in an Indian city and so we could talk by phone. We had a perfect understanding. When she felt the need she would call me. I would just listen and offer solace.


    When I felt the need I would call her. Our roles would be reversed. The mutual counselling sessions went on for more than a year. And probably God wanted to send His blessings to both of us. Her problems were solved and she went abroad to join her husband. My problems also became manageable.

    The third lady whom I want to mention here is another close friend of mine. This lady was heading the HR Division of a computer education franchisee. She was vehemently trying to get me speak to her staff and students. I was equally vehement in resisting that move. Once we met through a common friend in a restaurant. And then started a beautiful friendship which continues even to this day.
     
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  2. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: The Other Women In My Life - A Special Tribute On The Eve Of International Womens

    This relationship is quite peculiar in the sense that she never felt any need to confess her troubles to me. And though I had my own share of troubles, I also did not want to talk to her about them. We used to talk about a wide range of topics from the modern HR Practices to the grace of Pondicherry Mother.


    She was going through a very messy divorce at that time. She had to work to sustain her family. And someone in the workspot had made a pass at her. I heard all these news through other friends. But we would always talk as if she or I had no problems.

    A few years back when I was in Chennai I called her. She did not have much to do that evening and my work got over a little too soon. She invited me over to her flat where she was living alone. She wanted to lend me some books. We talked for three hours. Time flew. It was I who insisted that I will sit by the door of the flat and that the door should be kept wide open. Being in a profession like mine I know for sure that justice should not only be done but also seem to be done.

    Our analysis of some of our common acquaintances laid a strong foundation in me about how to assess people, read their body language and find what they feel. This stood me in good stead when I started to write stories and novels.

    Once this friend wrote a very humorous essay on the procedures adopted by Family Courts which handles most of the divorce cases. This was published in a leading newspaper. People called from far and wide to congratulate her. All of them said only one thing, “I never thought you could be so funny.”

    I read what she wrote. I called her up to say, “I know you have problems and you are not very happy. I never imagined that your life could be such a hell. I feel guilty that I have not shared your grief.”

    She almost cried. And in a choked voice told me, “Sridhar everyone else is telling that my writing is funny. You are the only person who found out the hidden grief. I am proud to have you as my friend.”

    Friends should help each other, no doubt. But that should not be made obligatory or a sense of duty. More than anything else a friend has to be there when needed. If conditions are favourable and the other friend feels like it, her help can be taken. But simply because that friends assistance is not availed, the stature of that friendship is not diminished in any manner. She taught these lessons to me.

    Though we continue to be friends and say hello once in a way, our ways have gone apart. And I am proud to say that she has grown from a HR Manager at a computer franchisee to GM HR of a multinational company clearing more than Rs. 20 lakhs per annum.

    If by reading all these if I appear to you as a saint, then forgive me, for giving a wrong picture. I am an ordinary human being. When stung I sting back with greater venom. When hurt I invariably cause more hurt. I have fought with my friends, especially women friends. I have not understood them fully. I have let some casual thoughtless remarks hurt them.

    But they have always been, at least in most of the cases, very kind to me. But for them my life would not have been as colourful as it is. But for them my understanding of human nature, especially that of the fair sex, would not have been this good.


    As I write the last lines of this tribute it is but fair that I include my wife here also. She would object to my looking at girls (we call it in <st1:city><st1:place>Madurai</st1:place></st1:city>, “sight adikkarathu”) when we go out. But she has never objected about my women friends. In fact recently when I was upset with a woman friend and told her that I am not going to talk to her or answer her mails, it was she who argued that it is cruel to cut short a relationship like that. And forced me to talk to her.


    She had always had the fullest confidence in me. That I have never betrayed that confidence is evidence enough of God’s grace.


    All my writings in this site is my way of showing gratitude to the women who made a difference in my life.


    Regards,
    Varalotti
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2007
  3. jothi

    jothi Senior IL'ite

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    Re: The Other Women In My Life - A Special Tribute On The Eve Of International Womens

    Dear Sridhar,

    I am dumbfounded by the respect and recognition you give for all your women friends and all of us here at IL.

    Ungalloda mansukku etha marthiri ungall manaivi also respects the friendships that you hold. I believe in the words "manaivi amaivathellam Iraivan kodutha varam" so the GOD almighty has blessed you with the best and I also believe that "Kanavan amaivathellam Iraivan kodutha varam" . So Indhu has been blessed with the best too.

    "Behind every successful man there is a woman" ...You Go Indhu...

    Love,
    Jothi.

    BTW, Where is this clairvoyant who was soooooooo right...hmmm!!??
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2007
  4. anjana

    anjana Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: The Other Women In My Life - A Special Tribute On The Eve Of International Womens

    Dear Sridhar,
    I am moved after reading your post on the eve of International womens day. You seem to have the knack to understand the pulse of a women and sure your posts say it all. Indhu and you are sure made for each other.Thanks for sharing your experiences with us Sridhar.
    Love,
     
  5. Vandhana

    Vandhana Silver IL'ite

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    Re: The Other Women In My Life - A Special Tribute On The Eve Of International Womens

    Dear Sridhar,

    Your posts on the "women" in your life was indeed very moving. You have made all us ladies very happy indeed with this post. Ofcourse, I echo Jothi and Radha's sentiments that you have a wonderful and understanding wife in Indhu. I think , in general, a person with an open mind( man or woman) will support his or her spouses making friends in the opposite sex. How ever platonic a relationship is, if the spouse is narrow minded , i must say that life will be hell indeed. So hats off to Indhu in that regard. And ofcourse our heartfelt thanks to her for that.

    Vandhana
     
  6. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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  7. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: The Other Women In My Life - A Special Tribute On The Eve Of International Womens

    Read all about your women friends Varalotti. This is a very new facet of yours that I am getting to know only now. I have always said this to you...you indeed are a man of many talents.

    It is nice that you have nurtured women friends and have given them the due respect. Indhu's understanding has to be complimented as it cannot be taken for granted from every wife. You both are really made for each other.

    L, Kamla
     
  8. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Re: The Other Women In My Life - A Special Tribute On The Eve Of International Womens

    Dear Sridhar,
    your post on women who touched your life ('other women' does not suit this post) is very nice. You are lucky in getting so many good friends. And luckiest in getting a wife as Indhu- so understanding.
    I wish the other men in this world are at least 1% understanding as you, the world would be a better place for women.
    Thanks a lot for honouring the other half of the world.
     
  9. abhatv

    abhatv Senior IL'ite

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    Re: The Other Women In My Life - A Special Tribute On The Eve Of International Womens

    Dear Mr. Varalotti,

    I am a new member. I read your post and liked it very much. But I agree with Varloo that " other women" does not suit the title. It gives a different implication. But I could understand what you meant and that is what matters. You have indeed shown that behind every successful man there is a woman, so a special salutation to your lovely wife-Indu.

    Regards,
    Abha.
     
  10. safa

    safa Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: The Other Women In My Life - A Special Tribute On The Eve Of International Womens

    I give the credit to your wife for writing this tribute. If a man doesn't have an understanding wife, nothing will help, his life would be miserable. How many hus/wife relations have been broken because of their relations with the opposite sex. One who has stain in his heart, will see every one with that only.
    Thanks for giving a good reading.
     

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