The Other Side Of Foreign Employment

sunkan · Sep 6, 2007

MeenLoch said: ↑

Daughters are more emotional usually. Also to some extent she can manage husband and parents staying together. A man usually is ill equipped when he has to have mother and wife together. Daughters can take better care of her parents than a son would. She will be sensitive to their emotions. If a girl has a career and makes money, i think she gets the say, and this setup will work fine.
In my case I would love to do that. For my MIL he s the only son. No other child. So in her case it s again us.

As others say in this thread, sometimes it s good parents are not around, I mean they need not feel bad about the fights, and they need not take sides, they can live as they wish, talk to people around, kings and queens of their own palaces. At son's place or daughter's place they have to oblidge to some extent. It takes time to adjust from both sides.

Ideal thing in my view would be, parents staying at some easily accessible distance. This way the relationship will be pleasant. U can meet them whenever u want, even if they are single and let the grand children interact.( I know in most cases it wont be practical. Son maybe blamed for such a setup.)
This does not guarantee tht there will be no interference( as it depends on individual), but it s a compromise somewhere between.
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very true,
it is better to keep at a distance still stay at a reachable place, then there may not be too much friction and at the same time in time of emergencies, you are available at hand...sunkan

sunkan · Sep 6, 2007

sumisen said: ↑

Hi everybody
I have a friend Who was living with her inlaws in india while her husband working abroad, After 5 years they decided to move with her kids to live with her husband. Unfortunately at the last moment her FIL passed away when there was only a few days for their departure to join her husband. So She cancelled her trip and stayed with ther Mother in law again. ( They took TC for her daughter from school and send off parties were arranged by their friends after all these arrangements she willingly stayed back to look after her bereaving MIL). MIL was a healthy lady and she was very brisk better than her dil. They again planned to join her husband after 2 years since children were insisting to live with daddy. She joined her husband and was living peacefully for may be 2 years. Henceforth the problem started, MIL started complaining she is alone they brought her with them to live with them, but after some time she refused to live with them and wanted to go back to India. She felt she enjoys more freedom in India alone.

MY friend's hubby started pestering his wife to go back to India to join his mother and take care of her. My friend started feeling insecure and felt she is taken for granted. She doesnt want to go back just for the sake of mother in law and she wanted to bring her to live with them, so that everybody can live together ( Children will not miss their daddy, My friend will not miss her husband and MIL will not miss her son and grand children) But both Mother and son doesnt want to agree for this arrangement and every year at the end of the academic year He will tell my friend to go back to India. My friend will fall sick and depressed because ofthis and slowly she spoiled her health completely. After 5 years ( Every year problem arises and slowly get settled as soon as the school reopens) she was atlast forced by her husband to join her mother. My friend was so reluctant and atlast she left to India.

Now my friend has become a sick person mentally disturbed taking lot of steroids for her health problems and now her total happiness in life is spoiled.
Children are upset since they are away from their daddy. MIL is a kind of dominating personality interfering in each and every activity.

Here Who is to be blamed? MIL DIL husband what is the best solution in this matter.
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the situation in itself has not helped, if your friend felt for her mother in law then even the mil should had compromised, and then the husband should atleast take a stand, and now the children suffer, woman take the load and collapse ..i feel very sorry for her..sunkan

sunkan · Sep 6, 2007

anandchitra said: ↑

Sunkan
You have given me a different perspective to this common situation. we are settled in the u.s and went thru what you described when my inlaws were getting old and didnt want to move. They are no more today but i regret in my heart i didnt do better for them.
Thanks for writing this different perspective.
regards
anandchitra
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never live in the past come to the future, and i am sure their sould understand your love for them...sunkan

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The Other Side Of Foreign Employment

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