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The Only Real Certainty About Death Is That We Are All Going To Die.

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by SGBV, Aug 25, 2022.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    @sociallifein30s thread on What Happens When They Pass On touched a chord in me. It made me relive those most painful times in my life 15 years back.

    It was when our dad suddenly departed from us due to heart-attack.

    The pain was not just because he left us, but because he left us without a closure. It was a sudden death. We did not give him a proper farewell, and that sucks for life.

    That fateful day, he woke me up early in the morning to say good- bye, because he was taking my sister to a college event in another city. It was 5 am on Sunday, and I was still very much asleep. I said bye without peeping out of my bed-sheet, and was half sleep by then. I wish I saw my dad's face one last time :(

    He insisted that I wake up early, and say proper good bye, but who knew it will be our last meeting?
    Mom was busy, running from the bathroom to the kitchen. She usually go to the gate to send him off properly, but that day she was mad because it was already late for her Sunday mass.
    My brother on the other hand was angry at dad for switching on his bedroom light, causing sleep disturbance early in the morning.

    These are usual happenings at our home. We fight, we take things for granted, we blame each other and the next moment we are together as one happy family.

    My little sister was so excited about her college event that day. But she was equally irritated because dad drove the car slow, and started lecturing on the importance of her being independent in life. He taught her to watch out the mile stones on the way to be able to travel alone next time.

    As he parked the car, my sister rushed to the main building without saying a proper good bye to dad. Because she was late to the event.

    None of us were able to say proper good-bye to dad when he left us permanently. It was so unusual, and it just happened because we simply hoped there will be another chance to hug him tight, kiss him & patch up. Because we knew we really loved each other!!!

    At 7.30 am, dad parked his car, came out of the campus to a famous coffee shop nearby. He greeted my sister's professor, who happened to be acquainted with dad in the last couple of years due to his extensive visits to the campus with his darling little daughter.

    That was it... He collapsed! He fell from his chair, and was motionless.
    The students, the lecturers and the staff of that coffee shop rushed him to the nearby hospital. But he was pronounced dead on admission. That's life! That's death!

    A week before this day, dad insisted mom to look at his physical files which consists of valuable documents certificates and some bank cards. As usual, mom did not pay much attention to what he explained, but hoped he will be around to take care of everything.
    He asked me to get him a pair of new clothes when I returned from Bangkok couple of days before his death. He was desperate and insisted on a certain brand. It was so unusual, But thank God, I could gift what he wanted that day.

    Just a day before his death, he called my brother to come home. My brother was working as an intern in a far away place, and wouldn't come home every weekend.
    Upon dad's request he came that night, and dad celebrated his visit like none other. That night, dad was super happy. He spoke to his best friend & told his son is now financially independent with a promising future :)

    We all watched a movie together till 1 am while crunching the snacks brought by my brother. It was one unforgettable night for the family.
    Had I knew it will be the last night together, we wouldn't have slept that night :(

    Coming back to his death:
    My sister was informed of his sudden collapse, but she had no idea it was fatal.
    We were informed while we were still at the church. We didn't know our smiles & happiness will be completely crushed down that morning forever!

    As fate would have it, everything happened that day was so unusual.

    All of us wore a black dress co-incidentally, as if his death was pre-planned.
    I & my brother like black colors. But for my mom & sister, black means tragedy. They never liked the color.
    That day, my sister had to wear a black T-shirt for the campus event.
    My aunt gifted a black saree to mom, she reluctantly wore it that day since it was too late to iron her other sarees.

    My dad's life & death has changed us forever!

    He celebrated his life, always stayed happy and kept everyone around him happy. He was so fearless, courageous, and never worried about his future :)

    His death was something everyone in my family likes to have it eventually. He had a painless death. He was full of life the moment before his last breath. It was special, and it was sudden.
    But he had signed off from all his responsibilities well in advance, so there was no regret from his side either. It was just like returning to eternity for good.

    But leaving a lively person all of a sudden is unbearable. It took us several months to come out of the void his death has created in our lives.
    But as they say, time healed everything.

    The only real certainty about death is that we are all going to die. We are certain of that. But how and when we die is a question no one can truly answer.

    We have learned this lesson the hard way. Since then, we make sure not to take things for granted.

    We still fight, argue and what not. That is part of life. But we ensure that we patch up as early as possible.
    We never go to bed in angry, and try to resolve the problem before we end the day.
    After a fight, if others are not ready to apologize, I do that. Because at the end of the day, apologizing is easier than leaving them without a closure.

    We still wear black colour clothes, but make sure not everyone is on black.

    Mom & I make extra effort to properly send off anyone who leaves from our home. We say a small prayer and bless them with protection.

    We listen to our instincts and pay special attention to what nature is trying to convey to us.

    None of these things can change someone's death. But it can make the living easy after the death of our loved one.

    iyerviji, lavii, Madhurima21 and 6 others like this.

  2. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    Life is just unfair. And life goes on. Sun rises and sets. The way it hardens us is scary.
    But the point you made about everyone wanting that kind of death is something I heard too.
    But I think my mom did struggle for about 15 mins. She asked my dad to go keep the door open if my uncle comes with the meds. She called my uncle too.
    There are so many possibilities that I keep thinking and rethinking. The brain never stops to play up those options. What if she called an ambulance the minute she started panting?
    What if she would have just taken an auto and went to a nearby hospital?
    What if I didnt go out of town for my "fun" trip? I mean I was at home till the day before.
    What if I bought those emergency tablets stock?
    What if we shifted to a house near to the hospital so she can just walk?
    lavii likes this.
  3. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Exactly... Even I want something like that when I eventually die.
    I have seen tragic deaths after battling terminal illness, and knowing death in advance. This is something I can't handle as an emotionally fragile woman. If God approves, I want to live hale & healthy until my last breath and want to enjoy life without having to think about death.

    But, I strongly believe in destiny. We are destined to live & die and this is not something we can change.
    Even if you were around, living next to a hospital, having a solid transport support to respond to your mom's health emergency, she would have died on the same date/time as destined. Perhaps, the way in which death happened would have been different.
    Instead of suffering for 15 mins with a chest pain, she would have died while in sleep or something else.
    Therefore, kindly accept the fact that her death is already destined, and your presence could do nothing.
  4. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    We never get over our parents deaths.Never.My father was (it's been many years and still hurts to write'was') a very honest and sincere man.
    Totally committed to his family and kids.
    I wish we could do more for him.
    I wish he could get the kind of returns (material and emotional) that he deserved.
    lavii likes this.

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