The mother in a mother-in-law

prasannaprao · Apr 9, 2013

There comes a time in every girl’s life when she has to leave the comfortable confines of her own home and step into a new house, her husband’s abode. It can be quite a harrowing time for some, where as if the girl is acquainted with her husband’s family, then the transition from one home to another can be smooth and peaceful.

The new bride will be quite reasonably filled with trepidation. Every household have their own traditions, customs, beliefs and rituals and it will take some time for the girl to understand them and mold herself and be part of the new home.

But let’s look at the other side of the coin. When a new bride enters the family, most of the family members are also filled with anxiety. Will she be able to adjust with the family? Will she create frictions within the family? Will she feel welcome in her new home? Is she comfortable in her new abode? There are a plethora of questions in the mind of the family members.
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For a new bride, the relationship she shares with her mother-in-law is highly important. And the foundation of this relationship is built during the initial days of the marriage. Remember in India, marriage is not just between a man and a woman, it’s between two families.

A MIL should never forget that although her son has been with her for 3 decades or more, after his marriage another woman will also be a major part of his life. And just because her son spends time or gives more importance to his wife, it definitely does not mean that he has stopped loving her.

She should give ample time for the DIL to settle and adjust in her new home, taking care to ensure that she is happy and comfortable.
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Involve her in the housekeeping activities and don’t be condescending if the DIL is unaware of how to do a particular chore. Advise her kindly and guide her. Never ever talk to her in a deprecating manner about her upbringing or her parents.

A MIL should keep in mind that she too was once a new bride, she too had nervously entered a new household and she too had craved the respect, love and admiration from her in-laws.

The DIL should in all honesty try to help her MIL in the household tasks. It won’t kill her to ask her MIL for guidance. In case of any disputes, it’s best to keep calm and then have an earnest talk when tempers have cooled down. Harsh and angry words have known to ruin many a relationship.

I have been married for more than 3 years, and the relationship I share with my MIL is cordial and peaceful. I don’t consider myself an expert in relationships but I have learnt some crucial lessons when interacting with my MIL. A pleasant and amicable relationship can be built between a MIL and DIL if both work towards it in all honesty.

All images are sourced from Google Images

Namita2k13 · Apr 9, 2013

Agreed to strive for co-ordial relation but
there are MILs who think they have the right to shout and judge the DIL in few weeks time just after marridge. Criticised DILs working style, compare her with their own daughter(who is much older to DIL), order her , expect her to finish the task very fast in this new home/new enviromnment and worst complain DIL's parents about her inefficiency.
Do you think this damage can be repaired? deep in the heart of DIL , the damage has happened forever. and yes need not say that DIL not have answered back to MIL in this period when she is just few weeks old in their home. It takes lot of accumilation of bad behaviours from MIL for normal , well behaved DIL to argue back with MIL.

prasannaprao · Apr 9, 2013

Dear Namita, I totally agree with your views. But what most women who act rude and look down upon their DILs forget is that one day when they become old, it's their own son and DIL who will look after them. Both of them need each other at some stage of their life. For a DIL she needs her MIL most when she becomes a mother. A helping hand from her MIL will be appreciated by her for a long time.