The Moment I Breathe

The moment I breathe....

I didn't know that i was holding my breath & living all these days.
Though it felt extremely suffocating & uncomfortable, I thought that's how it is.
I never tried anything to improve my situation, rather tried my best to further hold & hold the breath as much as i can to survive.

One day, my lungs started reacting... They were stretched beyond what was possible. So this time they signalled, either they could stretch further & explode or shrink & strike demanding for a break.

The options were brutally clear.... Now it was my choice whether to push them further or let them breathe. I chose the latter because i knew the former means suicidal.

In our lived, we too face similar situations where we push ourselves harder & harder beyond our tolerance level to keep a toxic relationship alive.
We find comfort in this discomfort fearing the unknown.

There are people who
1.Mess with your head frequently
2. Want you to prioritize them, but never prioritize you,
3.Intentionally & repeatedly do/say things that they know upset you. But they don't care
4. Can't and won't apologize you sincerely
5. They play victim when confronted & make you feel guilt for choosing to voice your feelings

Avoid them no matter who they are. They can be your parents, spouse, friends, siblings & relatives. Nevermind.
It is not worth to keep such a toxic relationship alive at the cost of your sanity.

You have only one life... And only a few phases to cherish & live as long as your physical & mental health corporate with life.

There is no point of feeling suffocated all through your life just because someone wants you to live so.

Make your priorities clear & always remember to love yourself first.

Its you who cry & bear this pain of suffocation not others.

Let this toxic relationship leave..... Avoid them & their actions no matter what.
If they blame, its OK
If they criticise its OK
If they make you feel guilt, don't fall their trap
At the end of the day, you know what it is...
You are answerable only to God & yourself.

After years of suffering, I have decided to lose the rope & let whatever the toxicity leave from my home.
Of course there is a blame game, criticism, brutal & forceful guilt trap...
But i am out of it.... Accepting this pain is far better than bearing these toxicity for life. It is dangerous & believe me it has messed up my entire system.

Let them leave you, find peace in wherever they chose to be....

If they return, they are meant to be in your life & they love you.
If not, they never loved you & are never meant to be yours. Its just a missed match. That's all...

No relationship is worth losing your self in keeping them.
It is you, who is important in YOUR life...

I am writing this by comfortably laying asleep in my husband's chest after many years.....

Bless us good luck.