The 'modern' Mamma

From the moment you are visibly pregnant to the time your child grows up to be a teen almost, people around will always have inputs on your parenting style. Apparently, they are our well-wishers and our close ones but wait, not necessarily. Even random strangers love to drop in some gorgeous piece of 'unsolicited' advice because they believe they are doing some social service. I know all advises comes through good intentions and I totally love them, but what irks me is the illogical rationale behind most of such advises and when you confront with the minutest of logic, pop comes the reply, "Yes, you know everything. You are the 'modern ‘mamma".


So yes, I guess I am a 'modern' mamma and many of you might be able to relate to this.



When you are a new mother, everyone in the vicinity becomes expert owing to their prior experiences. Babies can bring out the most compassionate side of every human being. Where some advices can indeed be a life saver, some might drive you insane too. Just to keep up your sanity, let's choose the right sources. When someone offers you advice, ask yourself, do I trust their instincts, do our parenting style match, have they been positive with their kids and saw a good outcome? You will sure get the answer. Now, let me tell you, you can fight with the world but not with the women who gave birth to you and your husband. Period! They are more emotional and vulnerable than you as if some postpartum hormones jumpedout of your body and entered theirs.



Being a mother is not easy. It often involves making hard decisions. You won't be able to please everyone anymore because that little life you gave birth to, will make you do things which are good for him but not necessarily 'right' for the world. My journey of motherhood has been through lot of such instances where I had to put my foot down and take things in my hand. Things have changed a lot since last few decades and definitely the horizon of information has expanded. There's a lot of changes in 'what we know about babies'.



The thing to keep in mind is that however annoying it is, the advices are mostly well intentioned. So losing patience is not the key but finding your way gently is. As a new gullible mother, I was giving gripe water to my child, I often thought probably my milk was not sufficient hence my baby cries all the time, I was forced to believe massages are a must for healthy bones, I had a long list of food which should not be eaten by a lactating mother, I was told that giving bath everyday will make the baby sleep for more time and the list is endless. Much later into this journey, I realised what blunders I did keep making. Gripe water contains harmful substances and is no way proven to reduce colic, I eventually stopped it at 4 months. Guess what, my baby never had colic. I understood that babies cry for various reasons because that's their only way of communicating and my milk supply was good enough for my baby. Massage is for relaxation and not for healthy bones and also that I can eat anything while lactating. The point I am trying to make is, if you have information at your disposal, why not use them? Not everything that has been prevalent over ages might be true. If we do not hesitate to use the latest technology to make our life sorted, why not make a change in the process of child rearing too?



As time passed by, I started to make myself more aware. I invested time in reading and acquiring knowledge about everything that concerned my child. There's no harm in being a google mom as long as you derive information from authentic sources. Now, starts my Journey of becoming a modern mamma.



Well-wisher 1: Add little salt in his food. How will he like it otherwise!


Me: How would he understand that the food is salt less when he has never tasted salt in the first place? Besides, extra salt is just going to overload his tiny kidneys no?



Well-wisher 2: Start giving cow's milk. Mother's milk is not sufficient post 6 months. No nutrients, only water.


Me: Let the cow's milk be for the little calves. Mother's milk never loses nutrition. Never ever.



Well-wisher 3: He looks lean and weak. He doesn't eat. Why don't you feed him forcefully?


Me: No, I won't. I don't want him to lose on his satiety signals. And yes, he is not weak. He is healthy!



Well-wisher 4: He is already 14 months! Time to wean off from the breasts.


Me: My son, my boobs. No one has a say here!



And countless stories like this and I successfully transform into a 'modern' mamma. I often hear people demeaning my choices. But do I get offended? Err... NO! However you parent, people will always have something to say. The day I stopped wearing other people's expectations of me, I felt lighter and then I took that extra mile for my baby, standing up for my baby. Putting my baby's need and my sanity before people's opinions was life changing and every mom must try this out.



Apart from advises, there are certain set norms that society wants us to follow. But is it worth following them at the cost of your child's emotional needs? People snatch the baby out of your hands to show love but what they don't understandis that the baby might be having stranger anxiety and if the baby cries, he immediately is labelled as cry baby. If you don't handover your baby to them, you are termed as possessive. People believe that they are showing love if they offer chocolates. How difficult it is to understand that kids don't need that chocolate! My child won't miss out on anything in his childhood if he doesn't have few chocolates but he will surely miss out on the required nutrients that he is ought to get from food because by the time I give him food, chocolate would have killed the appetite already. I gasp, wonderful! And to make it worse, there comes a phase in the toddlerhood when kids start preferring such people over their parents because they believe parents are always restricting. How fun is it to not show respect to the instructions or parenting style of the parents? Such times, I don't care how devil I appear, but I make sure that I have my authority at place and very gently pass this message that I am the parent and my instructions pertaining my child needs to be followed.



We are almost conditioned in a way that we don't question anything that comes from top to down. We believe everything as gospel truth. Wondering how you can get that courage to raise your child the way you want? Your baby will give you all the courage to stand out and go that extra mile. For me, going that extra mile was not limited to choosing baby products, sanitising stuffs and washing clothes and hands often. For me, that's basic. Going that extra mile is when you learn to stand up against irrational things concerning your child. You are the decision maker on behalf of your child, let the decisions that you make be life changing for your child. Because parents are the first idols, it is through our actions that we need to inculcate that standing up for what you believe is right is important. I reiterate the fact that parenting is not easy, it has never been easy because we are carrying the responsibility of raising our next generation and we better do a good job at it.


So parents, travel that extra mile!

And for now, I am just so happy being a modern mamma.