The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it ?

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Most likely that the net savvy older women I see here (I love their posts and wonderful insight) absolute sweethearts who do not harass for the sake of harassing. They feel secure in themselves and do not interfere.

The insecure ones, IMO, are perhaps neither net savvy nor coherent enough to present their case. Having seen some wonderful MILs and a couple of terribly harassing MILs, all within my family(not ILs) itself, I have come to the conclusion that the latter are insecure, irrational and parochial, without much exposure to the outside world. All they knew was taking care of and smothering their sons with their love. When there is a new person in the said son's life, they wish to manipulate and show her up in front of the rest of the family.

I'd love a meanie to come here and crib. And watch what others have to say to her situation.

why the wonderful ladies of the demographic you speak of don't reply here might simply go on to show how non-interfering they are with the next generation. My mum is one such! She has plenty to say and discuss in general but when it comes to relationship issues of individuals of the next gen, she says it is for the couple to figure out and moves away... She has an opinion, I know. She has a great deal of patience and forgiveness within her. However she realizes us folks don't subscribe to her favourite mantra of forgive and forget; be the bigger person; it takes two to tango etc...

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

If i am a MIL, i will be thinking twice before posting here as there is a lot of anti-MIL air here.

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Hi darmesh,
I had made my point as a mother in law, with exactly the same thread - a mother in laws perspective on the relationship forum and incidentally, that was my first post in Indus ladies. I did get a lot of positive and a little negative reactions to that also. U can read the same. After that I found no MILS views on this forum although there are seniors in IL Active in other forums. Though I do go thro, these columns even now, I have restricted my responses unless really compelling because I find given the negative circumstances in which many of the ILs find themselves and vent here, my opinions would only reach to them as yet some more sermons which they must already be facing. All said and done, when my son got married, I did picture a perfect home of having got a daughter with whom I could now go out for shopping etc, where earlier my husband or sons would accompany most unwillingly or disinterested. But after 4 years of our living together I found my DIL although very respectful and affectionate etc, still preferred it when I didn't, accompany them on any outings- and planned , looked forward to all outings with her hubby, her parents, sister only. Anyway, I consider myself fortunate that I have a loving family overall Inspite of such issues. I am myself looking forward to some responses from MILS here.

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Thanks for your response. You can go thro, some of my views in issues raised by Dils here- older posts if that would be of any help. But overall as u rightly said it is a very frustrating issue - mainly because both a sons and a daughters responsibility gets pulled in opposite directions after marriage and unless there is a lot of maturity and openness, in dealings, there is bound to be conflicts. So, personally as we were in a position to have the option of separate living, at the same time nearby, I find it a very workable and happy situation at the moment. I can only speak for the moment, as advancing age after a period may require different arrangements.

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

There could be a number of reasons.
a)They no longer care about these issues...they have done the battle...most likely won and are content.
b)They read the threads and realize that most of what is written is close to the truth.(We are still at a stage where in an average home the dice is heavily loaded in favor of the MIL)

c) They do not agree but fear to post their views because they are a minority now.

d)This is a forum where a lot of really harassed DILs come to vent and support. There is a lot of empathy for these helpless DILs even amongst the ones who may not have suffered too much. It is likely that a few MILs did try to start the threads from their point of view but did not find much support or worse got heckled by some harassed dils.:hide:

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

There are a few (even from some members who are now restricting themselves to other forums). But usually these threads turn hostile in a day or two and get closed by mods. So they never get bumped up.

Here is a tip..Look for locked threads and you might succeed...

I agree.... have always wondered about this. thinkingsmiley

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

PILs do not understand the leave and cleave concept. Unless they respect their son's marriage and recognize their son's family as a separate family unit, these ill-feelings between DIL and PILs are bound to occur.

Most importantly, the son who is the new husband doesn't recognise the leave and cleave concept and what the institution of marriage means ?

Since you are a husband coming on the forum willing to understand, I would suggest that you go through the book - "Grace Filled Marriage" by Tim Kimmel. Perhaps ask your wife too.