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The mil who wants to occupy center stage all the time

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mimita, Aug 31, 2014.

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  1. Aug 31, 2014 #1
    mimita

    mimita Senior IL'ite

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    my mil just pounces on every opportunity to talk and goes on talking non stop. Let me clarify that this is not out of lack of ppl to speak or loneliness .She has lots of friends/family/maids/whatnots to talk through the day.

    Back in the day when I was in better terms with her, I was feeding my kid who was then 8 months old, and she non stop spoke for 45 mins- without even stopping to catch her breath. I had to then start talking loudly to my kid to make her stop and give me the chance to speak to my own daughter.
    Another incident - at the time my daughter was around 1yr one of my cousins had come and she asked the baby things like 'what all stories do u know'. Obviously the baby was too young to speak, before I cud even open my mouth to answer - pat comes my Mils reply that the baby knows ' crow and the fox' and the went in for 5 mins blah blah blah. She didn't give me a chance to speak at all. Basically, I don't get a chance to talk in her presence -she elbows me out and makes sure she gets all the attention.
    A lot of times she does it subconsciously I feel.
    Even if ppl are explicitly looking at me and talking, she butts in gives her useless opinions and makes ppl talk to her.

    i think she has a "I have to talk all the time and other ppl shud also talk only to me" disorder.
    living with her for 5 years, it makes me go nuts.

    This seems to be her basic nature- that conversations and the world should all revolve around her.
    Any tactful way of showing her how obnoxious she is other than having to out-shout her all the time?
     
    mimita, Aug 31, 2014
    mimita, Aug 31, 2014
    #1
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  2. Aug 31, 2014 #2
    Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    Gud na, u dont hv to think abt topics to talk!
    wn m with my mil there is nothing to talk cz i dont want to share too much n she keeps repeating the same stories again n again! It gets awkard to the point where i want to pound my head!! Let her talk n u keep doing ur wrk! Think of ut like u hv a broken radio u cnt fix!!
     
    Weasly, Aug 31, 2014
    Weasly, Aug 31, 2014
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  3. Aug 31, 2014 #3
    joel123

    joel123 Gold IL'ite

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    When she starts talking, think about some good event you had in your past ...cherish on that...meditate deeply into it that you are unaware of what's happening near you...also in future when mil relates to something she had already discussed with you in the past...speak to her as if you know nothing about it...specially the things she speaks very highly about her...talk like ...oh is it...I din kno this...then she will ultimately back off thinking that her time is getting wasted and you are not concentrating on what she is talking!
     
    joel123, Aug 31, 2014
    joel123, Aug 31, 2014
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  4. Aug 31, 2014 #4
    chillbreeze

    chillbreeze Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Sounds like my mil. And as I live with her, imagine how many repetitions of same stories I have to hear on a daily basisdoh1
     
    chillbreeze, Aug 31, 2014
    chillbreeze, Aug 31, 2014
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  5. Aug 31, 2014 #5
    jigisha321

    jigisha321 Gold IL'ite

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    In my case it mostly revolvs around her trials/tribulations/sacrifices in early days of HER marriage..how she has bore everything with sweet smiles..how great she is..how this..how that..bla bla bla..mostly I do not respond...either steadily look at the newspaper or pretend to be deaf...I wonder where she gets the energy to speak so much, non-stop...
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2014
    jigisha321, Aug 31, 2014
    jigisha321, Aug 31, 2014
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  6. Aug 31, 2014 #6
    mimita

    mimita Senior IL'ite

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    Yeah..I have heard the same stories a 1000 times too:) she thinks she is a very interesting and entertaining person :) . I am ok ignoring her when she is talking to me. The bigger problem is, if there are 3 ppl in the room, she does not let me talk to the other person at all. If it is my dd , I have to take her to a different room, and there also this lady follows. All I can do is shut the door and show that I don't need interference. Same with husband or with some visiting guests. U can't take guests to a different room so, I just feel terrible sitting there completely pushed to the background:(
     
    mimita, Aug 31, 2014
    mimita, Aug 31, 2014
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  7. Aug 31, 2014 #7
    Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    I know , I have heard the same stories 1000 times and in the end I tell her " I know u told me that last time "

    btw
    I had used this trick for something else but u can use it here....
    bring up a topic she has no knowledge about , wait for the other person to ask the question n obviously she wld not be able to butt in
    Here u can take two approaches

    either take over conversation n talk so muh ur mil shd know how it feefeel or

    of you can say "I do not know but mom keeps tab on everything as she loved to discuss , I m sure she can tell u" let her feel embarrassed n next time may be she will talk less
     
    Anamika99, Aug 31, 2014
    Anamika99, Aug 31, 2014
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  8. Aug 31, 2014 #8
    jigisha321

    jigisha321 Gold IL'ite

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    Ha ha..used this myself sometimes...she likes to repeat how she used to get up at 3 AM in the morning to prepare food for my FIL who used to leave at dawn to catch train to office in the city(when they used to stay in a remote area)...she has said this story atleast 10000 times..once I said ,"yes yes..i remember..you had told me"..she stopped abruptly..I fled to my room (since I HAD to laugh) and had a good laugh over it... laugh1smiley
     
    jigisha321, Aug 31, 2014
    jigisha321, Aug 31, 2014
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  9. Aug 31, 2014 #9
    mimita

    mimita Senior IL'ite

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    Good idea:) In can try it out.
    The bigger problem is when I am with my daughter , and my mil constantly tries to get my DD's attention towards herself, I get really irritated though. Imagine someone doing this for a few hours everyday:( I get sick of having to compete with her.
     
    mimita, Aug 31, 2014
    mimita, Aug 31, 2014
    #9
  10. Aug 31, 2014 #10
    friend4u711

    friend4u711 New IL'ite

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    I think this is a thing which almost all the dils experience. Initially it used to drive me pretty crazy. But with time and some expert advice, i have changed the way i respond to these situations and tried to understand my mil more.
    I think as we grow old we develop the tendency to talk more and long for somebody to listen to us. Just giving them some ears gives them so much happiness and makes them to think about our views (Believe me, it happens).
    My first step was to listen to her earnestly. Then as she started repeating things i asked her about more details on the event. I also tried to know more about her loved ones. Gradually, she came to know that i am genuinely listening to her. Time and again i try to have long conversations with her which helps us to know about each other better. At times when I am preoccupied, I ask her if she can wait for a couple of minutes before I can join her in the conversation. And I do talk to her after a while. With time she understood and have started asking me if it’s good time to talk.
    When my friends come and she talks, we include her and i share her experiences with my friends. For some time the conversation revolves around her and she becomes quite overwhelmed by the fact that she is being recognized. After sometime she let us have our friends' chit chat time which has been increasing gradually.
    Some people may think this is kind of manipulative but i only try to understand my mil's feelings. I do know that the efforts has to be mutual but a few good efforts from our side brings a huge change. Its all only till you reach a point where you trust each other, then you can be yourself. My friends keep telling me ‘what a wonderful MIL I have’, and I feel the same too.
    Gladly give your MIL the centre stage, and she eventually will return it to you. :)
     
    friend4u711, Aug 31, 2014
    friend4u711, Aug 31, 2014
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    4 people like this.
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