The Little Gestures that Couples can Get Away with in a Joint Family

Ayyoo Ri I want to go back in time too...it was a lot of fun..house full of people ....
We would volunteer to go and pick up milk packets..even when we had the option of getting it delivered.
4.30 am..bike ride with DH alone...the only time he could touch 100km in indian roads how could we resist..?
Its another story FIL is a smart cookie and would get a 1/2 litre sachet on his walk back ..fully aware of the very very long arduous journey we would have to undertake and would greet me with a wink and
"coffee..ma?" We both would give him a sheepish grin and take it .
MIL is a late riser so that was just a private joke between the 3 of us.

 

Thank you @Rihana!

Sometimes I think my entire marriage was built in those 20 mins of quality time everyday. Whenever we had serious topics which we foresaw disagreements on, either DH and I used to drop a single sentence about the hot topic in the 18th or 19th minute.

After a couple of minutes, I would need to leave, so no chance of argument, fighting, had ample time in the office to ruminate over it, and get back to him in the evening with a calm reply.

Will try to implement your "look" idea soon.. Nowadays it is tough to get anything across the dinner table without the perceptive 10 and 6 yr olds noticing!! :confused2:

 

Practice in front of the mirror. Eat-your-spinach look to a 10 year old is different from the Rihana-1, 2, and 3 looks. If your hubby eats his plate clean every time you give him that loving look, you need to sit next to him and finger-write on his lap.

 

@yellowmango , thinking aloud, what is going on.. hugsmiley ..been in a jf for as long as i can remember, now in a long distance marriage for a long time..and i still find the sizzle .. and yes i am in my 22nd year.. and @rihana please stress on that maam to all please..:kiss

oh who said marriages lose the sheen of love with years..it stands up to the test of time and matures into a more wonderful relationship only with loads of inputs and hard-work from both the parties..to remember, that even as partners, each of us is growing up, with the experiences and exposures that could be individual and they have the power to change the way the partner looks at the situation.. the only key that works is acceptance and reassessing yourself and your marriage every few months. talk, weed out the mis-interpretations and not allow them to simmer on the back burner to splash and cause marks that can never be healed..

Whether it is a joint or a nuclear, couples need to work on their marriage period.

and what a journey it has been..

the waking up a few minutes early and to just be with each other before we start a busy day. we want to start a day on a happy note or a positive note and follow it.. derive the strength from each other to carry us over testing times..

the fun is able to catch the eye of your partner and have mischief and that memory recollection look amidst a crowd. the simple fleeting touches as we walk around, the stolen pecks..

the stolen hugs turned to hugs even in front of in-laws and grown up children over a period of time. now the kids want to join for a group hug.

reading books and discussing the interesting parts together. watching a movie on pc and then laptop..as i am averse to watching movies in theatres..

always having the morning cuppa together. the time is sacred, that even in the times mil was alive, she used to want to just make coffee for the family..i would say make it and i would take our mugs to our room, if not sit in a corner on the sofa and have it together. later it would turn to a second round of coffee, bournvita or milk according to preference by 8.00 with the whole family.. so they did not feel left out..mostly weekends and if i would be late, fil would ask for it. they were so used to it, that even today fil will come and join..and sulk if he is excluded from the family cuppa.. now it is a special time, with the kids and dh. the time where we reminiscence happy times, special times, talk a lot.

The late night kadak chai , the icecream, and the movies nothing can beat it..

eating together, from the same plate was something that was not accepted initially due to the echhal(jhoota) and things..but since i was always busy in a very big household, he would just sneak a few mouths when he used to eat in the morning, stating that i don't eat properly and i am spoiling my health.

and the sending him off to office, with a smile and a simple hug..and if i am busy, mil would say, he is waiting for you at the door...

and the best was the 143 that we would tell each other even amidst a group.. we would sign the number on plates, air, or just whisper it to each other even when everyone is around.. only after watching some movie they did get a clue to it but they got used to us being this way by then. 143 is nothing but i love you.. oh and the sign language for i love you too.. just sneaked along with most of the things..

the afternoon sneak call at lunch time from office, to enquire if all had lunch to a 10 minutes of us time on the phone..

oh the bike rides are the best, when we did get chances which turned to rare moments as responsibilities at home increased. i love the bike rides, now doctor has said no..or maybe i would still sneak away on a long drive..grrh...
(and please if any of you discuss or fight on these rides do stop them. enjoy and be calm..i have seen many fighting and having a shouting match while driving together and say a prayer let them be safe..)

and keeping weekends simple, and have more time for us inspite of cooking for 8 and more..

Keep it simple, keep the baggage away, keep it minimum expectations and every occasion turns out beautiful and something that adds that lift to take the day ..

(we had/have il issues, but they are separate..they do not come in between our relationship.we look at them as issues separated from the person..something we learnt with experience. kutram parkaiyil sutram illai..if you keep on finding faults, you will end up finding faults alone..every one has a positive and negative.let us not blow the negatives to overpower the positives..something we are trying to teach the kids too.)

When you get connected to a person in a special way, it cannot get buried, it cannot get cut off even when you are at long distances...only thing is to remember it is a work in progress all the time.


occasions don't become special on their own, we make them,is what i understood in this journey.

 

Distracted "doing" of 143 ? I thought only the men are doing it with a cricket match on the bedroom TV.

Way back, I remember this aunts who brought out a folded hand kerchief for the hubby at the door heading out. She will put it in his trouser pocket, and took her sweet time taking her hand out, while reminding him of something or the other banal stuff.

 

Totally agree. Sweet thread and enjoyed reading everyone's response. But showing signs of affection to one's husband need this much intrigue??? And this is coming from someone who hates over the top PDA.

Really seriously- does one need to fear others when giving a quick kiss or warm hug to their husband ????

 

Not fear, but doing what is locally the norm. In America a 5 minute tongue-of-war at an airport goodbye will get onlookers go. .... "Awwww....that is sweet.....",but a couple cannot do that in Chennai. At home, in JF, IL's would be the first show stoppers, and later one's own children could "eeeewwww" at parents' PDA within the house.

how do some parents manage to space kids 10 and 12 years apart ?