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The (im)purity of having your period...I just don't get it

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Bubbles25, Sep 18, 2013.

  1. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Hmm... this might explain why he claims not to have heard half the things I claim to have told him!

    Waiting patiently in the hope Rakhii will tell us what the second judicious use of feminine wiles was for...
     
  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Ansuya, maybe the right thing would be street smartness in relationships. i have seen some people are so good at getting their points across without the other person even realising it.some are so smart as to get their work done without the other person realising when he agreed..

    We teach values, culture, tradition, respect to our kids, but no smartness maybe because we lack in them ourselves at certain phases of our life and relationships.

    Gauri, exactly this was what i had written yesterday and then i felt maybe i will not post..thanks to autosave, got it back to post.

    sometimes, picking up battles wisely is the need. i see some start arguing for coming late, not picking up after himself, not doing this and that..maybe it is a huge issue for the person, but actually if she/he takes a moment to sit calmly and try to understand what it is all about, it may not look so huge.

    For me being calm, fighting the issue and not the person always helps. you never know, the person may not even really know it is a issue with you, you need to put it across to him. the same way you also need to be receptive enough to understand his view point. sometimes these arguments escalate only when the communication and understanding becomes a one way street.

    As gauri points it is just six months, and op actually can drive across her point without any issues when she already has a sweet mil and a understanding husband, whose only -ve is being steeped into tradition. have known some who have understood, accepted and now support the cause with passage of time.
     
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  3. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

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    ha ha! now i know the reasons for my being an unsuccessful wife.

    i thought too much.

    did not adjust beyond what was fair.

    what feminine wiles?

    talked my mind.

    in short, i did the complete opposite of that sanskrit saying Gauri quoted above! not for egotistical reasons, mind. never did get onboard with the idea of using subterfuge, manipulation, scheming and advance planning in relationships- a tactical error, i suppose. :)
     
  4. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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  5. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    He he he..nothing I invented..wrote a really while my daughter was watching her show... and that's their name....

    Now u are living in LA LA world.. marry because of love and togetherness... lol..its become a social status and lots of peer pressure...
     
  6. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Lol...loooooong story Ansuya! Will tell you some day :)
     
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  7. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

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    how would you have responded, had it been necessary? not talking about 'feminine wiles' in particular. let's say your husband suddenly goes all 'religious' on you, your normal approach is not working, how do you respond?
     
  8. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

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    i'd love to see an episode AFTER the blonde and he are a couple!

    jokes aside, i understand that not everything is black and white. for instance, lying is bad. but people think nothing much of using a benign white lie once in a while to keep the peace, refrain from hurting feelings or some such. but in a relationship there are two people and if one is constantly going against their grain to maintain harmony and balance, how long will such an inequitable distribution work? how much does one compromise on 'authenticity' and honesty to keep it going?

    i am surprised that the OP chose to marry into a family obviously practicing the same things she chafed against growing up. he did not spring a surprise on her. he is trying to be supportive which is a positive given his upbringing.
     
  9. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    It would depend greatly on how his sudden religious ambitions manifested. If he chose to become a Buddhist, for example, which you can practise quietly and privately (that is, not change the entire fabric of my and my daughter's lives), then I wouldn't mind all that much.

    However, if it was a more ritual-based, orthodox religious (for argument's sake, let's say orthodox Judaism), then it'd be a different story. I would have a big problem with him insisting that I join him in all HIS religious rituals: I can't eat cheeseburgers, because you can't mix milk and dairy; I can't eat bacon or shrimp, because you can't have pork or shellfish; I have to refrain from using mechanical devices/working/electricity on the Sabbath).

    These are choices he is making, and I can't stop him from fulfilling what has suddenly and inexplicably become his heart's desire. But I don't think he can force me to join him in what, frankly, I consider to be irrational and highly inconvenient, frustrating behavior (and he knows this about me).

    If all normal approaches (honest and open communication, appealing to need for mutual respect and understanding, and individual freedom) failed, and my life, according to my own personal standards, became intolerable as a result, I would have no choice but to move on. I'd like to think (maybe I'm being too optimistic here) I'd leave without anger and acrimony, but who knows.

    Ideally, I think people should be free to follow their deepest desires. Marriage should enable us to do this. If the two people in a marriage diverge to such an extent that the partnership becomes untenable, then it is not fair for one of them to try and "convert" the other to anything. Of course, this is an extreme scenario.

    At the end of the day, one should not lose their personal power, individuality, identity, and personhood to marriage. This is why it's really important to establish compatibility BEFORE you are married, according to real-world relationship parameters, as opposed to superficial characteristics, which is what some, including me, have said in response to the OP.

    Having said all that, I also did say that under different circumstances, maybe I'd have been forced to develop some "feminine wiles" quickly. If I felt my life or freedom was under threat, I'd do and say whatever it took for me to make my escape from an abusive/overly domineering/crazy spouse or partner. I agree with both Rakhii and Nandhu here: feminine wiles cannot be used regularly, routinely, and sustainably. It is not a healthy relationship strategy. But I do see how sometimes, and in some situations, it is necessary, depending on the person, and the situation.

    P.S. Now I'm depressed, at the thought of no bacon-cheeseburgers. Thanks a lot, Coolwinds!
     
  10. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Ansuya u sure about that ?:biggrin2:
    If ur DH caught on to it ..u might actually find a sudden increase in the disagreements..and someone not complaining that u had ur way with yellow colored kitchen towel instead of blue. :)
     
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