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The God of the Loo

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Feb 27, 2010.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    The God of the Loo<?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />


    Today all news papers were of the budget, and it bored me to death.TOI and HT both were full and scary , that petrol has gone up by 2.50 per litre, ciggies and liquor are expensive, and so on. Scared me to death really, that I decided if liquor is expensive by 25 a bottle, my budget will go for a toss, so I am thinking of doing a Morarji Desai !


    Well only DNA came up with something hilarious, and I will post a pic to show u, that it is not made up but actual news, more funny that I could have ever thought of myself. So get ready for the hilarious ride, dear friends here goes.

    [​IMG]



    <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 /><ST1:COUNTRY-REGION w:st="on">Japan</ST1:COUNTRY-REGION> has millions of Gods, like <ST1:COUNTRY-REGION w:st="on"><ST1:pLACE w:st="on">India</ST1:pLACE></ST1:COUNTRY-REGION>. One of the million Gods is the diety of the Toilet , called KAWAYA NO KAMI, considered just as important as others, since he was believed to heal illnesses and help in childbirth.


    The <ST1:pLACENAME w:st="on">Mantokuji</ST1:pLACENAME> <ST1:pLACETYPE w:st="on">Temple</ST1:pLACETYPE> is installed in <ST1:COUNTRY-REGION w:st="on"><ST1:pLACE w:st="on">Japan</ST1:pLACE></ST1:COUNTRY-REGION>’s central Gumma, where this god is installed.There are two toilets installed. Visitors can drop chits of paper, in the white squat toilet for the enkiri, or cutting ties, or in the black one for the “enmubi” or tightening ties.


    Well there have been mishaps too, some visitors thinking that it is a toilet to do their job, who would blame them.


    Why don’t we have such Toilet Gods here in <ST1:COUNTRY-REGION w:st="on"><ST1:pLACE w:st="on">India</ST1:pLACE></ST1:COUNTRY-REGION>, I wonder. Gives me an idea, we can create a few. Constipation God, Loose Motion god, and various categories of such Gods.And we can have kamots , selling at a premium. For example , in the constipation kamot, we can give the patient some iron to drink, and he sits on the kamot, and we can have strong magnets installed in the kamot, which will attract the iron is his tummy, and pull out the iron and the other stuff by sheer force.Lo ! constipation removed.


    In the Loose motion kamot, the kamot can throw up Fevicol, which they say seals everything from leaking, and the guy wont have to go to the loo, again and again, as the outlet is sealed, just like we seal a dripping water pipe. Brilliant isn’t it ? And we can make , sorry mint money, and get people’s blessings, and also the money.


    And why can”t kamodes be as important as Gods ? Previously the host used to take the guest to show him the pooja room, the Gods kept there, with some expensive Marble statues of Gods. Then they would show them the drawing room, and the bedroom, then the kitchen.These days everyone first takes the geust to show the bathroom.But I never understand what is there to show in a bathroom.


    I went to a friend’s sanitary showroom in Mumbai a few years back, and I was amazed at the kamotes he had. A simple one, was for 3000.The same one , painted with Birds, flowers was for 18000/- . I asked him what this expensive oneis made of, he said the same as the 3000 one, the difference is in the painting.I asked him when I sit on the potty, how can I see the painting below ? He said tongue in cheek, kamal either have a mirror in front, or open the bathroom door, and show the guest tht u are doing the job on this masterpiece ! My My !!!


    And I saw some bathroom tiles with Jesus, other gods , painted, and he said the tile is for 75/- , some even had their grandparents pictures too on the tile, the photograph is transferred on the tile.


    I told my friend, listen if I put these God pictures on the bathroom walls, or my grandparents one, how the hell can have a bath, or do my big job, with them staring at me , for I will be without a stitch u see ! He said, stupid, these are to be kept in the pooja room, not the bathroom, they are easier to maintain , than pictures in frames. I heaved a sigh of relief , for what a torture to have bath in front of Gods and yr ancestors eh !


    And I saw a 1 lakh cammode too, and I asked what it does, why so expensive, he said this is for the Sheikhs, and the Ambanis, for this u don’t have to dirty ur hands, just press the button, and water will come out hot or cold, u can adust the pressure, u can play the music of yr choice, and a hand will come and wipe u clean. Wow !


    But if I ever make a bathroom and splurge , I will have a simple cammode, but with a lap top installed right opposite , which I can bring down and while doing the job, I can be blogging too, and a small side wall , where I can be having a plate of sandwitch, and a cup of tea, and blogging too, as well as have a flat TV, to watch my shares movement, along with the bowl movement.


    And of course the bathroom will be AC too, I guess I may forget , tht I am in the loo, and I may there for hours, and u might all get to read stinky blogs from me from out there.


    With that , my dear friends, have a great weekend, Sweet Dreams.

    You lose 90 Calories after 30 mintues Walk.
    And you lose 160 calories after u look at pretty women for 3 mins.
    Time Aapka, Faisla aapka !


    Commit all your crimes when Sachin is Batting, for even the Lord is busy watching him play , said a signboard.


    Blonde Classic

    How do u avoid milk turning Sour
    Blonde – To avoid milk from turning sour, keep it in the Cow !!!


    Shaadi mein Dulhan ko Itna kyon Sajate hai ?
    Answer – Maal kaisa bhi Ho, packing achi honi chahiye !!!

     
  2. natpudan

    natpudan Gold IL'ite

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    Kamalji,

    Another hilarious one.

    I have never read that Morarji Desai ever said that you get kick out of what he does. Choice & risk is yours, but your experience will sure be risky to us - reading a blog on that from you.:)

    Near the constipation kamot, scrap merchants will have roaring business. :)

    Near the loose motion kamot, probably a plumber will be a better option - fix gate valves and attach portable tanks to ease us, rather than seal it with fevicol.:biglaugh

    They take guests to the bathroom just to emphasize the fact that, Attaining Nirvaana is a must & that too in great locations. :)

    In front of grand parents - there seems to be a strong reason. They are the ones who taught us to use the bathroom and we never showed that we learnt it the right way when they were alive. So it's our duty to show them & make them happy. :rotfl

    The 1 lakh cammode is for your favorite Thakur of Sholay film. That guy would love this master piece. :biglaugh

    Do have a laptop in your bathroom, but never keep your webcam on. Thanks to IL, they do not have that option. :biglaugh

    I have lost 500 calories reading Kamalji's blog and lost 1000 calories by giving the fb.

    All because of the laughter machine that you switch on. Thanks Kamalji. :rotfl
     
  3. Soldier

    Soldier Gold IL'ite

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    Kamalji!

    Are oh! Only u can think of such comedy in anything and everything. Here as it is myself being very emotional, either i will cry on reading touching stories or keep giggling after a dose of nice humour. If I were with you around, I think my full time job would switch over to giggling.

    Can't imagine what wonders the fevicol would work. Also imagine ur blogs coming out from the loo. Definitely I would think twice before reading such blogs even u shower them with perfumes and post them here. Cheeeeee............

    One thing I agree. In newly built homes, even if the owner does not take pride, I would never miss to see the toilet. I really go mad seeing the wide range of bath tubs, western closets, wash basins, faucets, showers, the flooring, the capsule bathroom along with which comes the concept of a clean and dry bathroom - these are a must watch for me. Don't mind even if u tease me!!!!

    Were in full form uh? before writing this.

    How could u ever think of fixing the tiles with God's pictures and grand parents in the toilet?

    Ofcourse not to miss the milk from turning sour - i have it in my collection of deft definitions.

    As Nats rightly observed, giggles from ur posts too would pull down the calories. U could even think of making money that way.

    Kudos for another nice post.
     
  4. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice one Kamal. I was not familiar with "kawaya", though I know what "no kami" means. Of the many meanings kami has, one is God. But, Japanese is a language that's full of words carrying several meanings. For example, kami could mean hair, or paper too. Like the word "origami" is really derived from ori + kami.

    The word "no" is a preposition. It means "of", but it's used in a way that runs counter to English. If you were to write "kawaya no kami" in English, you would really have to write "kami no kawaya" or "God of the Washroom". But, in Japanese, "kami no kawaya" would mean the either "a God's potty" or, worse, "a potty amongst Gods"!!

    I haven't heard of "kawaya" nor "kawaya no kami". But I am familiar with the word "benjyo" which means the same thing as "kawaya". A washroom.

    Incidentally, the Japanese word for constipation is "benpi". So, if you want a Japanese God to cure you of "benpi", he should be called "benpi no kami"!! And, as I explained, "kami no benpi" would mean "God's constipation".

    Very funny post. Though totally unrealated, you reminded me of a short story I adapted from Bengali (not translated) for a Japanese audience at Lions' Club of Otaru. The name of the story was "kamisama no hanashi" or "the story of God". I don't have to tell you now that "hanashi" means "story or tale". You use the word "sama" when you want to show special respect. It is a highly formal counterpart of the word "san".

    Another word I could have used instead of "hanashi" is "monogatari". I didn't, because there is a fascinating film by the name "Tokyo Monogatri". It's a movie classic in Japanese.

    All the best.

    oj
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2010
  5. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Nats,

    Well kick or no kick, buddy, if the bill is going up, i have to do something:rotfl


    scrap merchants, yes not a bad idea.HAHA

    Nirvana in the loo? Yes it is the quietest place for many things, first to be away from the spouse, and one can read, think, in the loo, i smoke and read the newspaper, and i tell u, the aroma is superb.HAHA

    Ancestors, yes true, after we grew up we did not let them know, that we know.:biglaugh

    Thakur did not strike me , yes he would have given a fortune to have one such kamode.HAHA.How convienient for him, instead of depending on Ramu

    good u have lost calorues reading, and me by writing.Just that the ladies are staying away from this stinky blog i dont blame then Nats.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal
     
  6. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mallika,

    yes i am sure no one would read those stinky blogs if they knew the origin of thsoe blogs.

    As Shakesphere said " As the **** cometh down, the thoughts cometh in ", well i do think blogs in the bathroom, most of the time.:biglaugh

    So u like to visit the loos, eh ,even harsha is very fond of them, and for me, it is a place where u do u know what, period, the flush must work,the seat comfortable, that is all, rest i dont care to look around really.

    Well when i saw the pictures, swear, i asked the shopkeeper, for i had never seen the tiles in any pooja room.And he gave me a strange look, thinking i was pulling his leg.HAHA

    Thanks Mallika, u have dared to come, where no other lady has come, but maybe this stinks eh ! So i wont complain if i dotn get more hits, u and Nats have been kind enough.

    thanks a ton.Regards

    kamal
     
  7. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OJ,

    thanks my friend for taking so much trouble for the FB.Yes i know u are very familiar with Japan, been there so many times , and i think the rambler blog of yours was based on Japan if i am not mistaken.

    God's constipation was class.I did not know they have so many meanings toone word.And i want to ask u is, do u know how to write Japanese ?seems a tough one that.

    Pls post that sotry of God, we would love to read it.there is one post of yours which u posted today, i will red and comment tomm for sure.

    thank OJ.

    I did not see u on news x yesterday, was looking forward to see u.

    Regards

    kamal
     
  8. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Kamalji.....:rotfl:rotfl:bowdown:cheers:biglaugh
    Do I need to express myself more.... I just had a big arguement with Hubby and son and and logged in saw your title for the post and knew that this was the medicine i need to change my mood and was successful......:thumbsup
    Long Live the gods of commodes!!!!!
    You are if I may take the liberty to say the most sweet disgusting man I know!!!!( ps in competition for the title is Nat and oj also)
    Keep going...
    K
     
  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji, you dont have ti soebd a lakh to wash your soiled backside without dirtying your hands. There are contraptions available for few hundred rupees that do the job, though they don't play music and no hand will come out and dry your rear portion. Such robotic devices are dangerous they may go out of control and start groping.(a gay machine?). So ultimately the best choice is apna haath Jagannath.
     
  10. susri

    susri Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Kamalji,
    You are LAUGH NO KAMI ....:bowdown
    What else I can say, really very funny post.
     

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