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The Famous "cold Shoulder"

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Preet82, Jan 14, 2018.

  1. Preet82

    Preet82 Silver IL'ite

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    How do you deal with someone giving you a cold shoulder?
    The psychology behind it as i understand is to make the other person feel low, confused,dejected,isolated. It is according to me the worst form of bullying.
    I am currently being subject to it by my friend's mother. I am not clear about the reason but i know her nature very well. She is highly opinionated and judgmental. We did have an "disagreement" on a certain topic on our wassapp group (a group of 4 families). She was talking to me even after that but from past 3 weeks she is giving me the cold shoulder. I respect her age and do go upto her and wish her every time we are in same company, she gives me a fake smile and moves away. I am trying my best to ignore this and just carry on but at some level is hurting me. I am training myself to ignore it and deal with it gracefully. I would love to hear from you all if you were also been in a situation like this and how did you deal with it. I don't want to drag my friend into this. She and i still share a very cordial relationship i have not shared with her about this. I am not sure if i should.
     
    HazelPup and GeetaKashyap like this.
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  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Few things to try:

    Try talking to her directly n sort out the issue amicably, preferably without bringing in the friend.

    If that doesn't work, maybe then ask friend to mediate. If you still want to.

    Or toughen up n learn to not take the ignoring personally

    Or you too start ignoring her n let it be a hi-bye relationship
     
    HazelPup likes this.
  3. Preet82

    Preet82 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks.
    I like option 3 and 4
     
  4. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    Her opinion about you is her choice that came out with her nature and character that she had developed till date. If you do not find any logic in her words then you should not get affected by her. Let her live with her belief system as you cannot change this. Change your belief and accept only the logical statements. You don't need any of her confirmation to prove you right or wrong.
     
    yellowmango, HazelPup and Preet82 like this.
  5. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    @Preeti82

    How comfortable are you with her and how much do you need her in your life?

    Agreed that she is your friend's mom and she is a part of your social circle; if she really matters, simply approach her, clarify, cajole, and give her a nice hug, tackle her the way you would tackle your mom. She would love the attention and melt.

    If not, toughen yourself and gracefully distance yourself. Don't nurture any deep hurt; relationships do break for some known and some unknown reasons. These things do happen. Don't attach too much importance and simply let go.

    I have gone through much worse form of back stabbing and betrayal. It hurts but i have learnt to shrug and move on for my own good.

    As and when the occasion demands, you may tell your friend so that she will not misunderstand. If she is mature enough she will be able to handle it well.
     
  6. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    If you feel hurt by someone cold shouldering you, it is a victory for her. By feeling hurt, you only boost up her ego. The world is full of well meaning people who have genuine concern for us. In the process of feeling hurt about someone cold shouldering you, you may become distant with your other genuine friends. When I was a child, if I committed any mistake, my mum would not talk to me for a couple of hours and I would beg her to talk to me. Mind you, it used to be with my own mother. NOT someone else's mother. Life has so many fascinating facets. Don't lose out on them by worrying about trivial issues like someone cold shouldering you.
     
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  7. Preet82

    Preet82 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you. I just needed to hear this.
     
  8. HazelPup

    HazelPup Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you for asking this here. Recently I have been going through this from someone I care. It hurts. A lot. But have to move on.

    Thanks for the other good replies here as well. It helps.
     
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  9. Preet82

    Preet82 Silver IL'ite

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    More power to you girl! Stay strong.
     
  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't think one person ignoring another because of whatever issue can be called bullying unless the two are staying in the same house and this is a regular pattern of behaviour.

    Unless this mother of a friend is influencing others to ignore you too,it is not bullying.It is just a case of an individual excercising the right to have a choice on who they interact with.

    If she felt bad ,( whether rightfully or not)or whatever,she also has a right to react the way she feels right.

    If you care about her ignoring you....then do something about it . Call her up and talk .Visit her with some flowers.
    If not....just ignore.
     
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