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The ethics of faking an orgasm :-)

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by Rihana, Oct 4, 2012.

  1. rkk1

    rkk1 Gold IL'ite

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    At first I didn't agree with your post, but upon further reflection, I can understand where you are coming from. However, I think it is one thing to praise someone who is trying to please you, and quite a different thing to fake it for someone who isn't caring for his wife at all. If a husband were trying to please his wife and take care of her satisfaction (but isn't doing that great of a job due to lack of knowledge/experience), I could totally understand her giving him extra compliments and positive feedback to make him more eager to put effort. Not necessarily faking orgasm, but just giving him some praise and encouragement... telling him she enjoyed, thanking him for putting effort, smiling and telling him that they will continue to try new things that they both enjoy, etc. (In this sense, I DO agree with you that positive feedback is good, if it makes the husband feel like his efforts matter and that he is not incompetent.) At least he would be happy and more willing to try to please her in the future and continue to work on his skills.

    On the other hand, I would not try to give positive feedback at all for a husband who doesn't bother to make the effort to do anything for his wife, but is simply trying to get his own needs fulfilled. If he is simply caring for his own needs and not caring for his wife's enjoyment, then he is simply using her as an object, like a vessel. There is no 'love making' in such a situation, as 'love making' should entail a mutual sharing of intimacy, and not one-sided exploitation. If such a husband is too selfish to care for his wife at all, I do not see the need to give him any praise. I do not think most men would stop trying to have physical intimacy with their wives due to lack of praise or positive feedback, as their physical drive is too strong for that. I think most sensible men would want to know what is wrong if their wives aren't happy, and would want to make improvements in the intimacy, rather than just giving up altogether.
     
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  2. rkk1

    rkk1 Gold IL'ite

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    I really like your thoughts. I hadn't thought of all these things before... but I certainly agree they are contributing factors.
     
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  3. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    :eek:mg:

    You just discredited one of the most ethical reason.
     
  4. PeacockLady

    PeacockLady Silver IL'ite

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    Oops :rotfl
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    true... Once married, the guy knows he is set for life. The wife will forget her parents as required by Indian culture and tradition, work like the man, bring in money like he does, bear their children, look after his parents, and all that will probably make her too tired to want sex anyway.
     
  6. apaasn

    apaasn Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with some men being bad in bed but I dont think the reason for being bad is because the men think the wife is not going to leave him.
    I would say arranged marriages are one of the reasons,then not a lot of men have experience in sex before marriage,these I feel are the main reasons for being bad in bed but in general Indian men do care about their performance in bed,there are not a lot of indian women out there who would say "hey it wasnt that good for me today" Women just move on to their other chores and work and not really bother about it.Partly they are to be blamed too.
     
  7. sankarimaheswar

    sankarimaheswar Senior IL'ite

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    let me tell my views.

    1. it is not morally wrong since it is done with good intention
    2.i dont know about others, but my wife is honest.
    3.it may not be a lie some times.
    4.many indian men care nowadays due to increased awareness and free interaction (by women)
    5.why drag mother in law in this most personal affair
     

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