The Enigma Of Forgiveness

God bless technology! What would I do without it? Had it not been for technological progress, I would not be here to bore you folks, without it I would have been 'dead' bored.

As is amply evident, I am still here to bore you, and that means that I am not bored. Social media have saved me from that terrible fate. It is amazing how easily we find so many articles, documentaries, news items etc. to read without having to go in search of them. All this is just by the by. Now coming to the point.....

Yesterday I chanced upon a real life story of a young lady and her father (Hmm..oxymoron: real life, story). Anyway it certainly reads like a story - father abandons daughter, leaving her homeless and dependent on others, years go by, daughter turns into a photographer doing photo stories of homeless people, chances upon her father - now on the streets, homeless, dishevelled, emaciated, suffering from mental illness - makes an effort to rehabilitate him and does. Story of karma biting back, forgiveness and all ends happily after.

More than the karma angle, it was the angle of forgiveness that really hit me. Is it possible to forgive someone who left you out on the streets and to give them a home in your heart? Forgiveness is one of the most difficult lessons for me to learn. I am still struggling, so much so that I still have not felt the need to forgive (not something to be proud of, I know, but the rage is overwhelming) those significant individuals in my life who really screwed things up for me and have ensured that I will be haunted by those memories till I breathe my last. But these are not my 'blood relations'. Such incidents by other 'watery contacts' against 'blood' who have passed on stay in my memory too, but do not rouse such strong feelings of anger, resentment and hatred in me today as they did when they were living. Maybe my hisaab-kitaab with them is over and it really does not matter whether I forgive them or not. They can answer for their deeds wherever it is they have gone.

I can recall quite a few if not as many things about my own parents that have left a mark on me to this day. But I love them dearly. Once in a while the bad memories resurface, but mostly the good. I miss them. I wish I could have them back. So is that 'blood relationship' really that important to forgiveness? I used to keep bringing up these issues with them when they were alive and mentally healthy. When they were sick, in coma or ravaged by dementia, there was no possibility of doing that. So in that sense, no, there was no closure to the events, but I still loved them dearly enough as to do whatever was in my capacity to take care of them. Today too, I do occasionally look back on certain events with resentment but that is short lived. Is it because of my shared genes or is it because they are not here to split hair with?

Just food for thought.

To this I have added a new breed of people whom I truly 'forget and forgive'. They just don't matter.

 

Thanks a lot Viswa for a beautiful reply. Yes, that is what everybody tells me above forgiveness. Why then is it such a difficult lesson for me to learn. What worries me even more is that unless I learn that (maybe that is the reason I am here, seeing at how bad a student I am proving in this matter) I may be faced with more and more such situations and might even have to repeat the course after a short vacation, given what a tough task master Karma is. All I can do is pray for help from above to learn this lesson sooner than later. Can one outsource this assignment???

 

You are right, Sabitha, it does have to do with immediate relationships and the issues that cause me most pain, grief, anger and stir up strong feelings of hatred are not things they did to me - those get forgotten with time and once forgotten, there is not much left to forgive - but things they said and did to my nearest and dearest. I smart for those people who were wronged and when I try to forgive or to be nice to these people who wronged them, I feel I am being disloyal to those nearest and dearest of mine. Might sound extremely childish, but well .....

 

I can totally understand that feeling, stayblessed. It is for that very reason (I don't want to rehash things and lose my peace of mind) that I bury it somewhere inside of me and get on with life. That leads me to eventually forget such incidents so there is nothing left to be forgiven. The only thing I never forget is the nature of the people who are around me and then I am eternally on my guard against them.

It is unfair isn't it - first be wronged, then have to forgive and if you don't, then be punished with karma and more cycles to come.

 

Thanks a ton for sharing that video, Viswa. It came closest to making sense to me. Must watch it over and over agan to remind myself.