The dread of letting go - my nightmare

I had not blogged for quite sometime now for some reasons and I was thinking of coming up with something on a lighter note on my next blog.

But I can't let go of this moment so here I am....

In Bali, celebrating our wedding anniversary. It is six in the morning here and I am sitting all alone in the beautiful teak divan overlooking the pool and garden Of our private villa. Early morning breeze and birds chirping away behind your very ears.... People who know me here know what I would do in such surrounding.

But today I am oblivious of all that wonderful little things. The beauty infront of me seems to be transparent with that dark and dreadful memory hanging there behind as the backdrop.

It was the dream I had early this morning.

It was a cOncoction of bits and pieces of short visuals.
We( myself, hubbie and some others excluding my kids) were walking in some place and suddenly there is tension in the air.- visual broken-

Me and my son standing alone somewhere ( my hubbie and daughter not in scene) and people are milling about in every direction. I am trying to take my son to the top of a very tall building by some outdoor stairs. The bottom of the building is already flood with water and is still rising. It is a dark day and my heart pumps hard as I try to pull him faster to the top, to safety.

Suddenly some alarm goes off and a squeaky woman's voice booms in an announcement.

" attention. There was another quake( so short. Had there been seveRal before this to make her say it in such informal terms?) of 10.(something) and a huge tsunami wave will hit the shore any minute now."

I get mad and pull my son close. He seems to be terrified for he is too silent( he normally doesn't close his mouth except while sleeping). Suddenly water is everywhere. The force is so strong , he is pulled apart from me and he cries and shouts.." mommy don't let go of my hand! Mommy please don't let me go. Mommy...mommy..."

And I woke up...
I still cry as I type as the scene just dont fade away nor his voice which is still ringing in my ears.

I know...I know... Dreams are mostly manifestations of our own subconscious thoughts and I read conspiracy stuff a lof more than any sane person ,enough to have nightmares every single day.

That is not the point..
The dream itself has less importance but the thought that was thrusted in me?

Why we spend energy and time on stuff which just will float away from you and doesn't get a second glance from you?

Why do we indulge ourselves in huge houses which will just be useless to you when you .....

All it mattered at that moment even in a dream was the love...the frenzy to get him safe.