The Day I Met Yamaraja

Saturday afternoon. I was back from the advertising agency. I felt nice and cosy to be back in my house in the air-conditioned room away from the sweltering summer outside. I badly needed to rest. I relaxed on the bed. Before long I felt heaviness in my body, and a kind of discomfort running throughout. Ensued by a sudden dullness pervading limb by limb. Then a single strong tug, at the heart. It’s all over. I was dead.

I was now in the middle…of nothing. Squally winds raged all around heaving and screaming. But I was fixed..Immovable …absolute. From the corner of my eyes I could see a dark gigantic person staring down at me. He was atop a buffalo. A water buffalo to be precise. And held in his hand was a weighing balance. The two pans of the balance had stacks of papers. He looked very familiar. Yes, so stupid of me …how could I be wrong…it was Yamaraj …indeed the lord of the death astride his favorite vehicle.

Looking down at me he said “The paap quotient is much more, dear mortal. “ Over indulgence in everything….eating, sleeping, enjoyment, parties…the list is undeniably big. “

Then gesturing to his aides, he ordered. “Another one to the hell ….Take him.”.

The lord of death has proclaimed …and does a miserable mortal have any say? …Well I was not even given a chance !!

The associates of Yama surrounded me. I felt being pulled along, in great speed …first across oceans of pitch black water and then across red hot sand and finally across plain void zipping at a terrific velocity. The sky above me kept transforming …with so many color variations that it would easily put Eastman colour to shame… It started from basic blue…changing to brown, red and then many more colors unseen on earth , finally settling onto a hue of dense reddish black.

Simultaneously numerous sounds pulsated in my ears ranging from the noise of a clan of hyenas howling to far off cries of hundreds of humans moaning , to revolutionary drum beats and bell chimes reverberating .

All the while the air around underwent varied smells fluctuating from sweet, woody, rancid, sweaty, musty, sour …each one ever testing my olfactory neurons.

Then suddenly the trip stopped. We were outside the Hell door.

“Welcome to Hell “ in fiery red …the door beckoned. Written in numerous languages, some known but many unknown..

The scenes inside were even more heart wrenching. Infinite rooms of molten lava, burning oil, red hot fire, nail bed, spikes , chains and various other forms of torture were in execution …you name it and it was there ….just like out of some movies scenes on earth .

“Welcome dear human “ said Yama, balancing himself on his Buffalo. “ Be seated. As you can see we are ever expanding what with almost every earthling now ending up here. “. Talk about earthlings being sarcastic.

Looking at me closely he continued showing me the pile of paper… “ I have here Chitragupta’s list of record of the various deeds done by you over the past many decades."

Then with a vicious smile and an excitement of commanding yet another decree he added

“ I have studied your papers. The penalty for your various actions is that you will be ‘presented’ with the “dip” . Alternately you have a choice ….of the “prick”.

“What’s the dip my lord “ I enquired…very eager to know the extent of suffering I have to undergo.

“Well its nothing much…a deep fry in hot oil.” He said it so casually that it sounded like our ordering for a Bhindi or a Gobi fry at an Udupi restaurant.

I almost swooned. .

Please I begged…not the oil…see I am so allergic to oil that I don’t even remember when was the last time I had applied cold oil on my body and hair …before a bath …forget it being hot .

“Ok then ….you have the other choice…take the prick” he said giving me a ' i am doing you a favour' look .

“And what’s that suppose to mean “ I whispered.

“We will chain you and pierce your entire body with red hot spear “he chuckled.

“ No No No “ I begged ...this time I was down on all four….

” Even at this age I steer clear of doctors in order to avoid small tiny injections and here you are talking about spears …and that too all over my body . C’mon please take pity on me. “

He then kept staring at me for some time, hinting at a chance of having understood my predicament and then he called his chief aide and they started discussing.

I waited for a while. Then seeing a ray of hope I decided to try my luck … butter him …

My tone now appeasing… I said

“ Dear Sir…lord…master …can you please see carefully…one more time …there must be something in those records that may tell you of the good things I have done …maybe just one or two…maybe you may have missed it…somewhere in between...in small letters …please check it once more….please…

It worked. nodding, Yama started to scrutinized my papers….glancing at me in between over his spectacles, with a “no hope” look on his face…. then suddenly he smiled, patting his buffalo lovingly.

Hey you are right. This is something nice he said, while marking something on the sheet. Very nice. How come I didn’t notice it before? I see here that you have been promoting me …even down there on earth.

And what more…You have even been adoring the evil.

And then he startled me by suddenly jumping from the buffalo, coming close and embracing me , all the while grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“This is the height… you have been venerating my principal vehicle” he said pointing to the buffalo.

“How wrong I was “…he exclaimed, sounding upbeat …” you are my best ( or rather only ) earthling devotee and I didn’t realise !!.”

I was all at sea…. just not understanding what caused the change in Yamaraj. But I was thrilled to get a chance of escaping from punishment.

“ Can I see the records …my lord …” I asked …my eyes now glimmering with new found hope.

Adjusting the rope lasso on his shoulder , Yamaraj handed over the papers to me , I looked at the portion he had highlighted …

1995 to 1999 … Bajaj “ Yamaha “ publicity campaign…

1990 to 1996 … Onida “ Devil “ envy campaign

2000 to 2004 … “ Buffalo “ jeans promotion

Well….wonder of wonders …my career in advertising has helped me. The three advertising campaigns I had worked on.

Thrilled beyond words I managed to ask “My lord …does this mean i can go without punishment …

“I am sorry my dear “ …he apologised, “But this is not within my powers. Punishment you should undergo. Dharma has to be followed ”

On hearing this I once again started to swoon, but steadying me with a hand he mocked “ Now now weakling earthling…don’t just keep on fainting … Wait…give me a minute…”

Scratching his jaws he reflected “ Now let me see….eh..eh….I can grant you a leeway, though . Dip or Prick…you should… but I give you the freedom to choose the medium “.

Thinking for a minute I smiled….and to his great shock I revealed confidently …”Well then in that case I will take both the dip and the prick.”

“What “ he cried out ...almost falling off his buffalo …giving me a look as though I was going bonkers.

I continued assertively ….” Yes I meant what I said…and my decision is firm…..Both the Dip and the Prick….for Dip … I select the … sauna and a steam bath … and for the prick I prefer the ….acupuncture …massage. “

Yamaraj smiled. And then dismounting from the Buffalo he stretched his body, raising his hands high up in the air.

Then calling one of his aide to come , he ordered ” Ensure that he gets his preferences and make the order for two . I have had a long tiring day and might as well join him”.

Then giving me a wink he laughed out loud and said “For a change I would like to taste my own medicine. What do you say ?"

Before i could answer “Moooaau” …bellowed the buffalo shaking its head in agreement.

( Just for fun )

 

pls delete...duplicated

 

Hi Monifa,

 

Hi K,

Thanks for reading and commenting. Cheers GP

 

Hi Sathya, You are welcome and i am happy to note your views on my blogs. Regards GP