The daughter's responsibility on her elderly parents after her marriage.

Women should help their parents if they are capable of.

IMO, there is no need to get permission from anyone to help parents. Of course, you can discuss with partner if you plan the family finance together. Its our hard earned money and our parents very well deserve it as they are the one who is solely responsible for what we are today.

Same holds good for men also.. Women should never stop the husband when he helps his parents.

 

Correction - Instead of word helping, I would rather call it as Duty. Its our Duty.

 

Hello SGBV
Your topic is never a controversial one, the controversy arises only when we think how many do this duty. Most of us intend to support our parents regardless of age, but question is how many does. How many of us make our parents stay with us after marriage, i think society had build up in such a way that still male members are given a fair chance to take care of parents. With all money , education and all points you had mentioned i still had not found many supporting their parents..
Every women wish to excercise the duty to her parents, how many do it ?????

 

SGBV,
You should have waited for my thread to get over (i.e get reasonable no of responses) and then started this thread. Since yours was a generic thread with no personal issue involved, I don't see a hurry in starting your thread. Otherwise, there's no benefit having two such threads simultaneously, with one thread cannibalizing the other!
We already have had these discussions umpteen no of times.

 

Thinking rationally, a girl has the same responsibilities towards her parents just like a man. But why most of us are not able to stand up for our dear aged parents when they need us the most..Mere selfishness nothing else..

We take parents for granted as we know that they will b with us no matter what..Whereas in case of DH or in laws we strive hard to seek that acceptance from them even if it means neglecting our own parents..

Be it before or after marriage girls have to be strong enough to say no..Before marriage say no to dowry, big fat wedding..In case you want it work hard earn well & contribute to your wedding rather than making your parents close their gpf..After marriage say no to any form of abuse meted out to them just because they are your parents, say no if you are controlled financially..

Most importantly learn from men on how to look after parents..Standing up is not a easy task. it requires a lot of self introspection & clarity in thinking as to what we are & what is the purpose of our life..Once we have clearly defined ourselves we are not going to be blinded & no stupid society conditioning is going to stop us..After all struggle we would be at peace..So we have to fight back & be the change..

I am on the same boat..Many a times I cry out loud as to why I should stand up.I had my friends leading a happy life going by societal norms like being a good DIL, good wife, good mom etc..Me on the other hand a rebel who expects me to be treated equally, my parents to be treated with respect, me who will not leave my career at any cost, would support my parents financially & emotionally.. I had also thought that just for my marital peace I too should live like my friends..But no my heart never accepted..Right from the day I got engaged am struggling all alone with the support of my parents & DH.Also I always play the worst case scenario in my mind & prepare myself for the same..Is it not a painful task for a girl in her mid twenties?.All my lovey dovey days were spent in confusion & agony..If we could meet the toughest of targets at office, wont we be able to deal with this too?? Rock solid firmness, perseverance & true love is all what we want..For all the days lost, I hope one day, I would be at peace with no regrets & guilty feelings inside.
Sorry for the long vent..Needed it

 

Sister SGBV,

Thought provoking thread indeed. Wish you would just say parents and not "Elderly" at the Title, especially the ones settled far away.

Daughters as you rightly put it should be called DUTY to support Parents irrespective of their status, even if they cannot support them financially (most times parents don't need) but emotionally they need their presence while they are underdoing some treatment or loss of one of the spouses even then some females are not able to attend or be with parents due to various reasons. It is a sad state.

In our known circle, One uncle and aunt retired bank GM have both their daughters settled abroad, at times of need, they are under the care of nurses/maids which makes us feel pathetic, people like us visit them considering them to be in the status of our parents, Sorry to mention some daughters are also minding their own activities inspite of what they are now which was given to them by their parents.

Most of them who long to contribute are being denied either by their In laws, sometimes by Dh, these may be the cases females with or without sibilings/ brother.

I can really understand as I have gone through this phase as to how my mom felt unsecured when my brother died at a young age leaving behind wife and a 15 year old son, she almost fell into depression as she always held her head high that she has a son to take care of her last rites, but he preceded them, My Dh was kind enough to keep them till they breathed their last breath, Took care of them like his own parents. I especially owe him a lot for his gesture.

May Baba guide us always, SAIRAM