The Confessions Of A Male – A Sad Warning!

varalotti · Nov 10, 2005

A Great Response, Ambika!

After reading heart-rending incidents posted by Meena I did not have the mind to go through your reply. I had to go back and come after a few hours to fortify myself to read your response. A great response, Ambika coming from the depths of your heart. I was moved by the truth contained in the following words:
But many women may seek gigolos out of sheer desperation to find a ‘shoulder to lean on’ to get emotional support, to get rid of complexes, to find solace- that way women try to see gigolos more as ‘friends’ than ‘prostitutes, because they are usually prepared to give ‘respect’ to women, respect their wishes- something which every woman needs. Men should understand the very concept of marriage and the many issues involved in it, before jumping into wedlock. Then they can play a major role in curbing hyper-sexual tendencies arising out of insecurity or unloved feelings of a woman.

But the following words were very strong.
No one can justify a person’s immoral behaviour…however strong the reasons are made out to be. Male prostitutes can come out and talk about the weird behaviour of their clients , female prostitutes can write epics about male perversions.
Immorality cannot be justified in any case. No one has a right to be immoral per se. But in certain circumstances these so called immoral people deserve our sympathy if not understanding. Prostitutes have always something interesting to say. Agreed. I also concede that there are people who seek out gigolos or prostitutes for raw sex. That gigolo had told in his confession that a rich woman industrialist sought him for pure sex. We cant prevent that kind of things happening in the society. We can’t condemn that rich woman either before we know the facts. If her husband is impotent or refuses to have sex with her then she has her ‘extenuvating circumstances’, as they say in criminal law to mitigate her crime. But if women (or for that matter men) were to resort to gigolos only for holding their hands or listen to their words of praise or just to make some one look at them all night long, then there is something which we have missed in all the progress we have made. Something is seriously wrong somewhere.
Agreed Soulmates are the ideal answers. But Ambika, honestly I don’t think that all these deprived women will have the luxury of seeking their soulmates all the time. There is family, children, jobs, problems, society, stigma… the list is endless. It is one thing to say that soulmate is the only answer even if it tantamounts to adultery. But is it practically possible? It is far more easier to seek a gigolo or a prostitute than to seek a soul mate. The question is not how many would meet their soulmates, but, how many are prepared to wait.

Vivekananda once said, “Politics and Philosophy cannot be spoken to empty stomaches.” I need to paraphrase that now. Morailty and even sense cannot be spoken to those who are deprived, either emotionally or biologically.

As I sign off I can’t help appreciating your beautiful reply. Only a matured mind which is a product of a balanced life can pen these lines.

Sridhar

asishkumarmukhopadhyay · Nov 6, 2007

hi all
a movie called "keeping mum" is a must see that helps to understand the values of marital life through God's mysterious ways- it's great teacher. how you all agree those have seen this movie? regards
asish

Shrutiv05 · Aug 31, 2008

Re: I first read your reply; couldn't fully read Ambika's

This is an old post, but I came across it only now.

It is sadly true that men (specially Indian men) are insensitive towards their wives needs. They are materialistic and are busy making money while their wives are forced to look for alternate avenues to satisfy their emotional needs

mythilla · Nov 7, 2008

Hi All

Very interesting post and the FB are great too. I perfectly fit the stereo type all of you have created about the woman or man who go to sex-workers (please read my thread http://www.indusladies.com/forums/me-and-my-spouse/39507-life-after-extra-marital-affair.html ). The only difference is I have never been able to look for satisfaction outside the walls of my married life.

However I am digressing, here is the point I want to make. If in the interest of family and kids we are sacrifising and staying in a marriage then what is wrong in looking for that extra attention outside. If a woman can continue to be a good wife and mother after having a gigolo stare at her all night, then what is wrong with that. She is entitled to some pampering too. Let us say for the sake of argument that the Husband of that woman knows she calls a gigolo, will it be wrong if he accepts it choses not stop her from getting that pleasure.

This whole Victorian thing about monogomay is highly over rated. In India PolyAndry and Polygamy were common during the days of Ramayanan and Mahabharata. The word 'Gandharva Vivaha' means exactly that. Shakuntala had a Gandharva Vivaha with King Shantanu.

The more I ponder on this issue, the stronger I believe that while mono gamous sex is a healthy necessity for a happy marriage, it is not a requirement. There are many couples who have had long and married life despite not having a good sex life.

Because of the fear of the society people like me don't speak out. I would really like to hear from such couples

vsar · Nov 17, 2008

Nice discussion and valid points raised by everyone.

I would like to bring to notice a few things from my knowledge.

1) The so called emotional bonding of females with Gigolos is very negligible. There were cover stories in The Week, then India Today a few months back about the life of Gigolos. Only 1-2 of their customers were the emotional type who wanted to hold hands or a hug. The rest all wanted pure sex for fun and enjoyment, some gigolos have even complained about sadistic behaviour by some of the clients like pouring hot wax and stuff like that.

2) There is lot of peer preassure or its a fashion statement to have subscribed to a Gigolo in the party circles, especially in South Delhi and Mumbai and Bangalore.

3) The emotional bonding comes in terms of Affairs and it happens mainly with the older women younger guy stuff, the guy has free time to listen and talk to the woman, something her husband does not have, the woman can give him pleasure without any commitment which his girlfriend cannot give with a safe place for the act.

4) Also today's fast paced life is reducing the sexual urge in males, lot of reasons attributed, from the laptop to tension at workplace and today's females are getting more sensitive to their needs. They will not say its my fate and resign and some are taking the bold steps. I would say Technology has paid a major price in the increasing number of affairs and other such things. Thanks to Cellphone and Internet girls and guys are having a independent channel of communicating which was not there before. This has led to a burst in such affairs.

Some of my comments might not be liked by everyone, I am not blaming any sex in particular nor am I saying Technology is the bane of everything. Just thought will give my facts. Fellow bloggers are welcome to continue the discussion. :thumbsup

jayamohan · Mar 31, 2010

From my vast experience in India, one thing that worries men is the sexual poverty. From the age of reproduction he can do sex but unable to do because of social restrictions. The emotional feeling that “a woman ultimately feels”; is same in case of majority of men, but their attitude is different and they are made in a different way.

Some body was saying that women does not approach sex without an emotional relationship is absolutely foolishness, probable that lady may not be aware much about this. I will strongly recoment her to consult some one who knows about it. As the world is changing the attitude of ladies towards sex is changing, they searches for sex outside mariiage “unlike good Indian house wifes” are a truth, like many of family men, probably some of them may be in need of an emotional relationship to start, but it’s just a starting problem occurs due to natural constitution of men & women, nothing else. I can give several examples that says women are searching outside relations without an emotional affair. And trust me, if a women needs, she will get men from anywhere as her wish, even without any heavy Gigolo payment. So I think Gigolos are big minority group in these relationships.

And another comment was that men having lot of option to choose. What the nonsense this is I don’t know, if some one likes to do something personally, I don’t think that any problem will come there, the choice is same for man and women. How it can be our problem if u are not using that options?

Let me to tell you another thing. Woman looks another woman with the eyes of men. Go and find it. And I don’t think that women will get equality just by imitating all the nonsense that men are doing. There needs some commonsense to apply. And we are not getting attention by showing our shaved UNDER ARMS, or OTHER BODY PARTS, and men never attempts that even we don’t want. And when you are using such dresses, look around, we will stare only on the areas where other women are looking. So don’t worry.

Nettem · Feb 28, 2012

hmmmmmmm.There's a popular quote

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less." -- Brendan Francis