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The Classic - Brothers - parents spending issue

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Meghaa, Oct 23, 2013.

  1. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All ,

    Just venting in the anonymity of the virtual world . I dont want to share this with family and friends.
    Background : Husband has an elder brother whose wife is a home maker ( by choice).
    I happen to have a job. My in laws have their US visas ( sponsored by us). Co sister's parents don't yet.

    The situation : We ( hubby and I ) were planning for in laws to visit us next summer.We would pay for their travel and take show them around here.
    Now BIL and Co-sis are expecting a baby in summer.

    Issue : If for some reason , her parents do not get the visa and my in laws have to go there to help them (they will probably not even come to our place) my husband still wants to pay for in laws' travel anyway.

    Me not too thrilled.
     
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  2. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    if your BIL is also staying in U.S. and they need in laws help for co sis delivery let them go there. You will save lot of head ache. Mostly your BIL will sponser tickets or tell him at least to share expenses equally. Most probably your in laws will come and stay with you also for some time (provided both sons are in same country). Don't fight will your husband for thing which is not going to happen. It will make your relation bad and other's benefit.

    Don't think that MIL will come and help you in any work. It will be mental stress for you. If you can save mental stress by spending money its worth it.
     
    2 people like this.
  3. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Depends on how much cash to spare you have. Plus whether the money you might save if this hypothetical situation were to come about is worth the headache a disagreement with DH will cause you.

    Imo in the long run, just setting aside the money for tickets regardless of who they are staying with is better. Not fair perhaps but life isn't; is it! This can be one of those battles you choose not to fight...
     
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  4. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    It's understandable why you're not thrilled. But your DH might have a different view on paying for his parents' travel which is justified too. He wouldn't want to appear too business-like with his immediate family. He would probably be hoping that his parents visit you guys too. If there are no serious disagreements with your ILs, choose your battles wisely. In my opinion, unless your BIL requires aid from your DH at regular intervals, don't bring up the issue of the ILs' airfare.
     
    3 people like this.
  5. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    I personally would be fine with this as it involves spending on parents and not BIL and co-sis directly; but it depends on how the general relationship dynamics are, and whether your H has always been bearing a major chunk of expenses with regard to his family.
     
  6. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    If you/your husband sponsor tickets and co-sister's parents don't get visa, then your in-laws will go to take care of the co-sister and new born. It would be inhuman on your part if you stop them from going.

    If you/your husband sponsor tickets and co-sister's parents get visa, then your in-laws might pay a visit but not short one. They might stay there for a month or more.

    If you don't want to pay for something you are not going to get, then don't call your in-laws for next summer. Just wait and watch what happens.

    By the way, since there is new born on the way, there might be some plan for the elder brother to invite his parents(your in-laws) for a period of 6 months. Your in-laws cant make such 2 trips of 6 months each to US with not much gap in between. There are other issues that need to be sorted here. Ask your husband to not rush and invite them yet. It is better if he speaks to his brother about all these.
     
  7. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree, everything cannot be equally calculated when it comes to own parents, your Hubby has some satisfaction in paying for their tickets though there are chances that they may not visit you, don't bother after all they are his parents.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  8. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Paying to keep them away !!! What a beneficial arrangement :) One reason your husband may be taking this decision is because you too are working and hence you guys are in a better position to spend, etc. OP, as long as you are financially sound, don't brood over this too much. Encourage your PILs to stay with your co-sis. If possible, be her guest rather than having them over to you. There are endless happy possibilities.
     
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  9. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    \

    No one said anything about not letting them go!! That's a horrifying thought.
    In fact I am glad that in laws already have visas - in case her parents cant make it.
     
  10. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Usually I am happy to help family when I can. Only these people have been cold to me for no reason what so ever.
    But I don't want to hurt hubby or in-laws - whatever it takes. If it means indirectly helping BIL and Co Sister. So be it.
    I was just venting.
     
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