THE CALL CENTER GUYS R PAID SO MUCH??????? Ans : FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK: (and you would find out the same ....!) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer : "Ok." Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?Customer : "No." Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer : "No." Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support : "Did you install the update?" Customer : "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done." Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'." Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer : "What?" Tech Support : "Did you buy MS word?" Customer : "No..." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------- Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support : ?!%#$ (will pretend to smile) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, and you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" Tech support : ##### *** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?" Customer : "A white one." Tech support : ******_____#### ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?" Customer : "Pentium." Tech support : ////-----+++ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." Tech support : ?????? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder." Tech Support : ?!%#$ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?" Tech support : ?????? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support : "What does it say?" Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." Tech support : @@@@@ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support : "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer : "Is that Eastern time?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?" Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support : "Well?" Customer : "But how do I know when it's ready?" Tech support : *** ---- ++++ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The best of the lot : A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty. Tech : What's the problem? User : There is smoke coming out of the power supply. Tech : (keeping quite) Tech : You'll need a new power supply. User : No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. Tech : Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it. User : No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up. Tech support hush hush) Tech : Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but here is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. User : I knew it! Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS .. Let me know how it goes. 10 minutes later. User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking. Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using? User : MS-DOS 6.22. Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes. 1 hour later. User : I need a new power supply. Tech : How did you come to that conclusion? Tech : (hush hush) User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. Tech : Then what did he say? User : He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Height Of it all (Too Good) Customer care officer: I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out? Cust: sure!!!! CCO : could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'? Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer? J
