The ‘75 Hard’ Challenge

NOW · Oct 12, 2022

Day 1
Oct 11
Sleep 7.5 hrs
Exercise 1 hr at gym
Water intake good

did not fast today due to rigorous exercise and non stop work meetings.

NOW · Oct 12, 2022

Srama said: ↑

Dear @NOW ,

I cannot speak of career pressures. You have a lot on your plate. You are up at 5.30 and you are go go go till almost 8! Certainly you are in the right direction if you are stepping back to look at your day! I have always held the thought that we (as women) can do it all but not at the same time. Compartmentalizing is a skill that I continue to work on. That would be my first word of advise (?) to you! I also think you have too many goals - I would go with two absolute ones for now and see how I would make progress. That will give you a sense of control and not add on to the feeling of overwhelm.

Looking at what you are doing here are few suggestions -

Reduce goals or combine goals - allow goal to feed off one another.

You cannot help with kids' school and activities - what do you do after you drop them off? Do you stay back or get back home? That is a good time to carve out for yourself - if you stay back, see if you can walk while you wait. If you come back home, see if you can walk. Use that time to do something for yourself and turn off work.

Group lessons have always helped me and motivated me. I know I am a morning person so I chose a gym based on workouts offered in the morning or so I thought when I enrolled. I realized the only class offered was spinning and guess what I decided to do that - here's a snippet I wrote about it Have you ever been embarrassed? With consistent workout, drinking water comes naturally and won't feel like a task.

Keep a specific laundry day or even two - one for your clothes and one for kids and that includes washing, drying, folding and putting away!

Same thing with cooking - keep a day or a time (I usually finish before I head out to work at 8)

Sleep - tell your self 6 good hours (7-8 is a bonus) I know I sound awful saying that...but if you sleep for 7, then it feels you did more than what you set out for. If you are already sleeping 4-5, a good goal to keep.

IF should be the easiest of all.

Compartmentalize - even if you are in management position, turn off for an hour or two. May be you can let your teams know that you not available for a couple of hours unless it is an emergency - I don't work in corporate, so I am not sure if that works or how it works. But I feel it is a necessary skill every one must adopt. As a rule of thumb at school, I don't check emails in the mornings and do so only at the last bell - in fact that is one of the things I tell parents at the beginning of school year. I also don't log on to work emails on weekends though I am fairly busy grading and recording scores over the week ends and evenings.

That said, personally carving out an hour for me first thing in the morning has helped me through out - when mine were babies, it involved mostly taking care of kitchen so that the rest of the day was spent around them. That later transitioned to work out time and the rest of the day revolved around kids and my work.

Like I said start with one or two, record progress and your thoughts in a word document on a daily basis. Sustain that for one cycle challenge which allows you to feel proud of yourself, the next cycle you can increase.
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Lot has unpacked since I posted here with hurricane Ian, little one falling sick, getting crushed by toxic higher management at work and attrition in my team ! I am glad I survived and I was reading the replies here at-least once a day and could not simply take the time to respond as I wanted to pen down my thoughts and vent a little.

Simplifying and compartmentalizing as you so aptly pointed out is what I need. I have come up with only 3 goals for now to count into my challenge. Sleeping well, exercising, eating better than I am now & drinking plenty of water/fluids. I want to take care of myself with these goals and let the rest flow in their own pace as they are something not absolute must for me at this point in my life.

I created a 168 hours week chart and blocked my essentials like sleep, exercise and kids related things, basics for home and started pushing back at work to make sure I only engage my mind in work for no more than 8-9 hours. I blocked 40 mins during my lunch and managed to take a cat nap couple of days or consume soft skills/leadership content on linkedin etc.. that recharges me and gain new perspective of the situation at hand. In few days I got some clarity that if the higher management does not respect my need for work-life balance and keep pushing me, then may be this is not the team for me. Still looking for a mommy's helper for atleast 2 hours a day but husband is helping more with kids and cooking & groceries.

I cannot express enough how thankful I am to have such an amazing group to support and guide. I will log my progress and hope to complete one round of the challenge with my small but impactful goals !!

NOW · Oct 12, 2022

Rihana said: ↑

@NOW, to be tagged by you, along with the others tagged, I puffed up like a phulka that only my long-ago cooking lady Jassi ji could make.

I cannot offer advice or tips yet but here's some perspective, most of it straight from a few habits books I've re-read recently:

- Three times a week is a habit. And, showing up counts.

- Things will get a little easier once your younger one is as old as your older one is now. In particular, you will get some respite in the morning before-school time.

- Being specific helps. Sleep 7 -8 hours can be sleep by this time, or wake up by this time (not both).

- Link a desired habit to an activity that happens every day. Meditation can be linked to "just after kids leave for school."

- Choose habits and their intensities such that you can do that even on your worst day. "Check-in every two hours can be reduced to check-in thrice a day: "check in before I get out of bed, before/after I have lunch, before the first kid arrives home from school."

- Self-care track: You are at your busiest phase of life. Make time for the self-care that is absolutely necessary, that is a must-have to function. Don't aim for the self-care that you need to thrive. Maybe, just maybe, right now you don't need the popularly prescribed amounts of self-care. (Can't phrase this better).

- Mom track: Kids spent close to two formative years growing up in a pandemic. It will take time and patience to recover from habits formed at that time or skills that could not be taught then. General note about mom track for busy working moms: Any supplementing of school education that you do at home, evaluate why you are doing it at all, then outsource it to paid people or to husband. The money paid to people or the time, patience and cajoling spent training husband will be well worth it.

Choose five habits. Break them down in extremely specific and measurable terms. Be realistic. For example - reading right before sleeping is not a sustainable habit. Will power is a limited, finite resource for most of us.

Only five habits at a time. Read this Warren Buffett’s 5/25 Rule Will Help You Focus On The Things That Matter (read only the four italicized lines if busy. Never mind that Buffett didn't really say all that's attributed to him.)
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You have no idea how much wisdom I gain from your posts along with the chuckles & laughs that add so much joy to my day !!

When you said that 3 times a week is a habit, it lifted the burden off my shoulders. I signed up for this expensive gym membership and going 3-4 times makes it worth it. I have tried all the tricks in the book to make myself workout more as I really love exercise and it makes me a better person mentally. Since there is a coach and group lessons, when I go to the gym I do my best and that makes me feel good for 2 days.

I am simplifying my goals as I am fighting an uphill battle at work and it is draining me emotionally. I am only going to stick to basics for now as work and kids related responsibilities are relentless. I am going to hire a helper soon to attend to the kids in the evening as husband also wraps up work only at 7 PM most of the time.

nandinimithun · Oct 12, 2022

Cooking as planned 30 mins
Reading 60 mins
Chanting of shlokas and learning : around 20 to 25 mins.

Breakfast : chole wrap palak paratha and leftover rice kanji with neer mor.

Viswamitra · Oct 12, 2022

Tuesday, October 11, 2022 - 47th day

Walking - 45 minutes
Upperbody exercises and back exercises - 15 minutes
Water - 2 liters
IF - 8 p.m. to 9 a.m.
Reading - 30 minutes

Gauri03 · Oct 12, 2022

10/11/2022: Day 1

* H20: 2 liters
* Workout: 40 minutes walk, 20 minutes lifting heavy stuff
* Meditation: 5 minutes
* IF: 12:12
* Music practice: 0 minutes
* Professional Dev: 0 minutes

Not a great start. Had a late evening meeting that went on past 9pm. Ate some baklava afterwards just because. Stayed up reading the 300 emails my kids’ school sends every week. Ruined my IF and my bedtime both. Will redo day 1 today.

Rihana · Oct 13, 2022

10/10 - 10/12 Mon-Wed, Days 24,25,26

CBT Course - 25 mins
Sorting Stuff - 25 mins
Writing - 25 mins (or more)
Exercise - 25 mins ( or more)
Tea or Coffee - less than 2

Happy to have got the four "to-do's" done latest by noon each day. Busier days and weeks coming up. I should wake up earlier, and complete at least three of the four to-do's by 8 am. The fourth one will then hopefully get done like the youngest in a big family grows up almost by himself/herself : ) and seemingly minimal effort by parents.

NOW · Oct 13, 2022

Gauri03 said: ↑

@NOW I'm a little late to respond. Won’t repeat the excellent advice you’ve already received. Much of your frustration is the unavoidable outcome of being in the stage of life you’re in, vis-à-vis family and career. As time passes things will undoubtedly get easier. You hold yourself up to impossible standards, no wonder it is wearing you down. I would suggest that instead of working out ways to fit more into your already packed day, try doing less. Before doing something ask whether you should be doing it at all.

I remember posting something uncannily similar 5-6 years back and receiving a lot of great advice. Most of it boiled down to reserving my time and attention for the absolutely essential and eliminating the rest. I was trying to be everything—super mommy at home, superstar at work, read a lot, run a lot, and half a dozen other things. Looking back, my life became much simpler once I gave up my perfectionism. These days anything that someone else can do for a price is outsourced without a second thought. I enjoy cooking for my family but I cannot spare the time. I have a cooking aunty who prepares meals, and cleans up after herself. The food is oilier than I'd make and tastes a little different from what we're used to but I'd pay twice what I do for the time and energy she saves me. I pay for a mommy's helper who comes on the weekends to wash and fold laundry. She even helps with sundry stuff like putting up Halloween decorations or cleaning the garage. I use a cleaning service who not only clean the house but change the sheets, sort the recycling etc. I spend liberally on grocery and other delivery services. Our quality of life as a family has gone up dramatically since I made these changes. The way I see it my kids need my attention more than they need home cooking.

This is just as true for the office as it is for the home. You have to be strategic about the meetings you choose to attend. If your work requires you to attend meetings from 7am to 7pm, then I am positive at least some of those meetings need to be reconsidered. Identify a couple of promising direct reports. Let them handle a meeting or two. This is part of being a good manager. You will be giving them ownership of their slice of the pie, preparing them for a management track, while relieving yourself of the need to be everywhere. Learning to delegate strategically does require frequent reassessment and interventions initially, but you will benefit immensely from mastering it.

Of your self-improvement goals, I'd say lay all but one to rest for the short term. You work out three times a week despite everything. That's commendable! From your list I'd pick sleep as the most impactful goal. There is a direct correlation between the number of hours I sleep, and my sense of well-being and productivity the following day. I need 7+ hours and that means making bedtime a priority. Dirty kitchens and unanswered emails are not worth sacrificing a precious hour of sleep. Set a bedtime alarm and make it sacrosanct. Believe me it will change more than all the other things on your list put together. When you feel ready, add another simple goal. Take it one habit at a time, one day at a time. In this phase of life time flies. Before you know it you will be looking to join book clubs and hiking clubs like the rest of us with teenagers who have AirPods super-glued to their ears.
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Yes, I am definitely finding it little overwhelming and realizing I need to cut down. We are not able to find any help for cooking in the place we are in unfortunately.. but this is something I feel will free up the mental space too. I have posted in my neighborhood nextdoor for mommy's helper and talking to few. 2-3 hours 5 days a week is what I am looking for to cover my evenings. Hopefully that pans out and I find someone good.

At work, a whole different story is unfolding and 8 months into it I started to have second thoughts about my future here. This may turn out to be a stepping stone for my next job... will see !

You hit the nail on head when you brought up the sleep and bedtime being the highest priority than any other self help goals. I started to sleep earlier than I used to from about a week. I am trying to get solid 7 hours sleep and also trying to squeeze in extra nap whenever I can. I feel 10 years down the line more than anything my health will play a biggest role to shape my life and I want to first get into long term habits for diet, exercise and sleep before anything else.

After covid hit us in March 2020, for about 6 months until September 2020 I lost all sense of normalcy and then started running, IF , gym ... but sleep was always hit or miss. Consistent bedtime and wake up time needs another level of discipline which I am lacking now. Thanks a bunch for taking your time and responding to my post. It means a lot to me and you guys are like my mentors .

Srama · Oct 13, 2022

Dear @NOW,

I am glad you are getting a grip on how things are moving forward for you. You are right in prioritizing your wellbeing over anything else and I am proud of you for that. I always remind myself - you can do it all but not at the same time!

Best wishes with everything and glad to hear you are coping and making plans and revising them. Keep at it!

Srama · Oct 13, 2022

12th Oct 2022

Workout – 45 min Spinning + 45 min yoga
IF - 16 hours
Water - 2 liters, may be even 3
Writing – 15 mins
Reading – 25 mins
chanting – 25 mins