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Thappad Scene Every Year Around...bear Or Dare?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Reesha, Jan 25, 2021.

  1. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,
    I hope all ladies having idea about "Thappad" movie where a women divorced her husband for single slap.

    The same scene happening for me all most every year. cant say it totally physical abuse, but happening at every high temper argument situation with my husband. Emotionally worst balanced human being is my partner. he easily get angry if things or situation went wrong/not per his expectation.

    I understood his nature and behaving with him, grabbing lot patience by understanding his nature for long 10 years. but al most every year we got some serious fight about his parents or due to his over expectations on me. we have 2 kids. if they are not in my life surely i will not continue marriage life with him. just for kids sake i am adjusting.

    but personally i dont want to make it happen again. today also he grabbed my neck and pushed back for offering help in some serious situation related to property. he always misunderstood my words & thinking that i am underestimating him, so i am entering. So i want to teach him lesson this time. this shouldn't be his habit any more in future.

    He is not such bad guy(comparatively with other divorce cases) to give divorce but dont have love & respect on me. that's sure. Just for society sake and to maintain his family man standards, he married me.

    so what can i do now to teach him..?
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    We are only responding to what we read and don’t want to give divorce as a solution right away as we do not have idea of the entire situation..

    Firstly,leave movies aside.Right or wrong,do not get influenced by a movie and take a decision.

    We need to have a more clearer understanding of the situation as to what or who starts things..if u can cite a few examples..

    you say it is not major physical abuse nor is he a bad person compared to others which does not mean you have to tolerate BUT maybe there can be other ways of handling and making things better without divorce right away.

    No matter is perfect but if you are truly unhappy with this marriage..it is a whole different story.

    Even with the right partner..people divorce if they have no connection or comfort level.

    The situations are neither white or black
    But lots of grey shades.

    So maybe you can give us a better understanding of the situation with some examples.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  3. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    @anika987 coming to Situations, we are dealing with bank guys related to loan. husband is handling only via phones & we suppose to get check by today. but its getting late. so i offered him help that let me request bank persons directly by visiting bank. Husband is really frustration because he gathered required group of people for registration. but bank guy is making plop of plan. so..he blasted all his frustration on me..just because he thought that he is sitting ideal at home & i am the person taking in charge to move things ahead. my intension some times direct meeting with bank officials will move check fast. but he misunderstood & grabbed my neck. i asked him only question, why you are not trusting me in these handlings? ( i am experienced IT women & had idea on how to deal with officials carefully ). but still he is trying to treat me like old village minded annoying girl:(
     
  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Hmm okay..that could be an act of frustration and anger not saying that it is right.Will come back to that later.

    Apart from that,generally on a day to day basis..does he verbally or physically abuse you or your kid? Does he hurt you in any way..or do you guys have happy moments or casual moments?
     
  5. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    If it is such case my question will be like "who is good lady lawer for divorce?"
    No he is temper not abuse, but not love/emotional as well. we have relationship like a hostel roommates for most of time. he is good when he want to explain his emotions. but coming to my emotions, dignity, respect...he dont value much.

    i want to know him i deserve dignity like him in relationship & in front of his parents & in front of kids. But he never listen. i like to discuss argue inside room. but he always yells & shout make things to out in front of his parents & kids. in that process he slap me one time, twisted my hand, pushed me some other time, then today grabbed my neck. verbally abuse is happening during that as well. my son becoming 7 yr old & observing all these things now. he may thought this he can do to his wife as well...

    i dont want that.
     
  6. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Hmm...I understand.You have invested in this relationship for more than a decade.How are your relationship with your parents and inlaws?have you ever spoken to them about this?can they intervene?

    Or in a good time..can you sit together as a family or alone with him and explain how you are feeling and how it is affecting the kid.Also,you both can check for counseling.

    Communication is the key here.Try to get some elders to intervene.
     
  7. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    your spouse seems have not bonded with you. these issues happen when the couple has no relationship at all. he needs to come counselling with focus on CBT.

    physical hit is not allowed at any circumstance.
     
  8. amulya2020

    amulya2020 New IL'ite

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    This is where I can totally relate to your situation and your feelings. My DH is also very much like that. I like having emotionally bond in a relationship where as my DH is totally opposite, emotionless and married only for the sake of society and to get work done at home.
    What I feel is after marriage, we suddenly shift our focus mostly on DH and sometimes forget to make ourselves as priority and make our hobbies, friends or emotional needs as secondary . So I have tried to changed my attitude, behavior to some extent and that has helped me a little bit lately. So when he becomes very angry on petty things or too aggressive on anything. Firstly I talk limitedly and stay busy in some or the other way to completely divert myself to make him realize his mistake. I either say " you are over-reacting for the petty things which is not much needed" or sometimes I don't have much option but say things like " Real men don't really man-handle a women" or " you can show your attitude and ill behavior towards me but you do not have much courage to behave in the same way to your parents or outside world (you are just taking the advantage of being a husband and thinking that you can do anything with your wife) and I don't see any greatness in that instead I see you as a weak person/man who cannot handle things efficiently. If possible explain him coolly when we both are back to normal mood or state.
    For ignoring or behaving as a room mate, I completely ignore him, chill in whatever work I do that somehow brings his attention on me sometimes. He at least cares to ask me back whether everything is ok ?
    Other thing I do is, Look out for his interest for example my husband is very fond of food. So I sometimes say like if you don't bother about me or take my interests in your consideration, why should I care for yours? so I just say I want to skip doing certain things( but may not actually skip it in real) for him like cooking his favorite dishes or limit my care on him in some or the other way. Because my love language may be different from him and he might not understand no matter what how many times I explain him myself or i want him to treat at least with the basic wants might not be the high expectation one. So try to do it in action rather than explaining him again and again.

    I'm not sure whether I have even answered your concern. I just thought of sharing my experience as your situation sounded very much like mine. Thought might be useful until you come to some major decision on this. You can just disregard anything that didn't made any sense.
     
  9. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    Some dysfunctional families may deem once-a-year choking of a neck as quite normal.
    This is like hitting-gently so as to train a wife (as recommended by a religious cleric) in proper behavior.

    And if the husband were to use a training stick, there is even a specification for that in the figure of speech "rule of thumb".
    The ......domestic abuse permitted by British common law. The rule of thumb, was a law that allowed a man to beat his wife so long as the rod used was no thicker than his thumb. [source]​
    In the pre-internet days, people have already argued back and forth whether this was an actual thing in the law, or just a misconception that grew because of how many husbands were able to get away with punishing their wives in various ways, even using sticks thicker than the girth of their thumbs. In Latin countries of Europe, there was even honor killings -- a man could kill to protect his honor when his wife (in his estimate) tried to demean him with a demonstration that she is much better than him in dealing with bank employees, for example.

    I think OP is in love with dH.
     
  10. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Hugs to u OP, my husband is also not behaving properly with me off late so can understand your pain.
     

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