Thanks to my DH! My motherhood experience till now..

smart_soul · May 20, 2010

This is how I was:
I was the ONLY girl child in the entire family - All ‘Boy’ kids. So you can imagine how it would have been. Apple of everyone’s eyes. My mom was SAHM. My parents didn’t only pamper me but taught me values of education, people, hobbies, life, etc. including some cooking, So I was certainly not spoilt by pampering. I did work 4 years before wedding and due to my work schedule I used to go at 11.00am in the morning and back at 2-3am in the morning. Hence I slept through the wee hours of the morning and when I woke up everything was ready on the table and all I had to do was to groom myself and leave to work. Ah.. golden days….
After marriage we didn’t have a baby for 4 years and the schedule had changed a bit but still pleasant…

Now:
I’m a working mom of a 21 months old sweetie and at this time I enjoy both my work and her. I would like to narrate the course of this 21 months journey in my perspective. Sorry for the long post...

I started working when my little one was 4 months old. I didn’t have any help from our family. So it was just me, DH and DD. I don’t recollect a day when I have not cried for leaving her in the day care. Though I enjoyed every moment with her at home, the very moment I think of going to work leaving her, I would have a complete breakdown. There were days when I would hold her tight in my arms and just cry all night long. Not to mention, the complete emotional wreckage that I had when I saw my little one crawling as fast as she could when she sees me enter the day care room... Adding to it, her eczema was also bothering her and hence taunting me with the thought that I’m not a good mother, I’m being hard on my kid and so on and it went on till she was almost 10 months old. My guilt feeling had taken over me completely. By then I had lost my health, my sanity and was close to depression. Adding to this is the rounds of sickness/pneumonia she had. The reason I held on to work was that with the job market slowdown and my visa status, once I quit then it would be very hard(may be unable) to get back to work/work status and may take years. And also of course financial factor.

My DH is an amazing person who would talk to me whenever I was down and lend his shoulders when I needed support. We did/still do have quite a bit of difference / arguments but I should say that if not for him, it would have been very difficult for me to be still hanging on to my career. He reassured me that I can quit anytime I want, but asked me to hold tight until she was one so that I wouldn’t regret my decision later. Sounded fair to me. He would take care of the baby in the morning dropping her off at the day care and I would go early to work. And in evening I would pick her up and he would stay at work late. We still have the same routine. He still makes sure I spend time with DD and gets involved in cooking and cleaning the house and almost all the household chores.

Slowly as the little one grew, and I saw a change in me. I started taking it positively that she needs to get social at this point and is mingling with other kids in the day care and has been surpassing her milestones. She was almost an year old when I started to accept the fact that I’ve been a good mother and I’m not being hard on her by sending her to a day care. After that’s when I realized that I had lost control of my health and it took/still taking a toll on me at times. But I’m staying positive that I’ll regain it sooner than later. Her being in the day care has taught her many good things. I see that she shares things, and talks complete sentences in English and Tamil, sings along with us. Every moment with her is a joy for us as it is for every parent with their kids. I keep thinking of her smiling face, mischief all the time and that helps me through the day. No more guilt.. J

Now at her 21 months of age, her eczema is very severe. And I still fight my feeling when her eczema shows it’s true colors and that this happens very often now. But I tell myself “Idhuvum Kadanthu Pogum” (Time will pass) as did the initial days.

Now am I thinking about the second one – NO. But will I be scared to deal with such situation if we had one – May be NOT.
May be life has taught me some lesson through my little angel..

Thanks for reading..

Godschild · May 20, 2010

Smart soul,

That was a really nice write up on your motherhood experience.
Glad to know that your out of the guilt feeling.
And your lucky to have a supportive DH.

asha_karthik · May 20, 2010

SS - very sweet. it is all the more tough for a mommy to leave a more or less sick child at day care. i hope your LO's eczema gets controlled soon. good luck with ur second one when you plan for it.

shrukri · May 27, 2010

SS that was a good write up. Good ur out of ur guilt, All the very best for ur second one........

arthidiva · Jun 1, 2010

SS, sweet of you to jot all this down.. hope this helps a lot of guilty moms..

I was very guilty earlier but even this morning I was thinking we working women shouldnt be feeling guilty.. we are only trying to give them a better life! hmmm I know many women from a diff school of thought will say otherwise and look at us as heartless women working away from kid for long hours but I feel it is high time we see the positive side of this. same like you, I felt like crying when I hear my kid is missing me, my kid running to me when I come back, even now DS holds me tight early morning in bed and says you will go off to work leaving me. YES I have cried enough.. but you know the child heart is so adjusting, accomodative.. by practise he learnt that he has to go out of home to socialise and many many many days he doesnt want me and DH to go to work because DS doesnt get to go to his office (school).. he thinks he has to get ready and leave home every morning like us.. this is the toughest while his school is closed for long vacations. Even last night when he asked for a choc in the shop, I really didnt have a penny. I showed him my purse, he says 'you went to office today na, didnt you get money amma??'.. 'hmm atleast tomm dont forget to get money' so he knows clearly only if both of us go to work, we get to live the life we live now. Even if we feel DS is going to need me for more hours, I am going to swtich to jobs near my house so my almost 3 hour travel time reduces and he benefits. Also I am NOT quiting unless I or DH feels my work schedule affects my LO's happiness and his studies. I am sure when he goes to higher classes, he will need my attention and I will decide accordingly at that time.. not racking my head on it now. So I chose not to be guilty. thanks SS for giving this thread as a platform for me to kindle and write down my thoughts..

These days with flexi work / work timings and a helpful (even a little will do) hubby I am sure working women do a great job!

ajuma · Jun 3, 2010

Hi,

its really nice writing about your experiences, really lucky to have some help from DH, i am also sailing through same situation difference is dont get any help from DH, but still need to continue the job.
all the time feeling unhappy about leaving the baby at home and someone taking care of him, and just tired of job, housework, baby care.

its not easy to manage everything unless you get some help! just waiting when my time will come and i will be just free to stay at home with my little one!!:drowning

Priya_Mommy · Jun 3, 2010

smart_soul,
This is the pain every working mother had gone through and will go through. I too passed this phase, no doubt pretty painful. Similarly my son too had severe eczema and had to rejoin in his 4th month end day.We are still fighting with bad eczema for atleast few months in a year.
God bless your little angle with health and wealth.

Vishalini3 · Jun 6, 2010

Thankyou SS, thankyou all mommys who have shared their thoughts here. Am a SAHM currently, but i do ponder on and off, about getting back into career and I have bookedmarked this thread already ))

Shreya · Jun 6, 2010

That was a good post Smart soul. For your DD's eczema did you try "Apple cider vinegar". This ACV has got so many health benifis. I have been talking about this ACV to who ever I see. Just google it and see how to use it. Hope it will help your DD too :thumbsup.

loonypooh · Jun 18, 2010

SS,both me and DH loved reading this post, i thank u for writing this.makes me feel less painful.
for me DH works from home ,i dont think i wld hv the courage or the heart to join work otherwise...