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Teens and Birth Control Pills

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Priya16, Dec 7, 2015.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    I have no value to add to this post. All I can say is I am trying my best to accept the world as it stands today. If I am hit with issues like that in the family, I am not sure how I would face it. It is easy to say the acceptance of everything but when it comes to practically accepting that fact in the family, it is a different ballgame altogether. I am very liberal in my thoughts but overwhelmed most often by my conservative upbringing.

    My son asked a question, "Can I have a girlfriend?" when he was in school. I didn't like him to grow up in isolation away from women like the way we grew up but certainly talked about what he needs to abstain from. He took it nicely but whether he practiced it or not, only God knows. I didn't want to frustrate him by talking about how i was raised realizing the cultural differences between Western and Eastern civilization. I have to admit whenever I encountered western children raised in Christian belief, they showed so much respect for Eastern culture. They were curious to know more and more and even had one of my son's friend do Arati for Navarathri at home. friendssmiley

    Viswa
     
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  2. rossie

    rossie Gold IL'ite

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    Teen Sex.. Hmmm. I am yet to digest. But would definitely educate my child about the pros and cons. Also educate about 'safe' sex. 50% is how we educate them on our family values.. rest 50% is their decision. Informed decision, may be..
     
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  3. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    I am open for anything.I just wanted to learn from other people and there experiences and make myself ready to deal with the situation without putting too much pressure on kids with our background and traditions.
     
  4. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Good to hear from you, sir.Your experiences are really helpful.I have seen very successful Indian kids with good moral values.I'm not a too much of hard work mom.I don't try to pick all the battles, just pick a few and leave the rest.I just wanted to learn myself how to raise a teen with culture differences around us.Being Indian women, we are not much used to talk about other things other than education and food :)Since I have girls, other responsibilities are going to fall on my shoulder.
    Just fingers crossed and do my best when the time comes and learn from other people and their experiences meantime.
     
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  5. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you CrayoNess for dropping by.Even though I have liberal thinking but still too conservative how I live.Even to discuss or talk to my girls, I have to learn or push myself so much.Since I have a couple of years time, probably try to learn and do my best to deal with them.
     
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  6. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    I dont have daughters, I just gave general information only.

    I have sons and it is quite hard as a mother to talk such things with boys. I am not sure whether my dh talked to them about these issues. But I did send them to safe practice education which are being taught at school here which we as parents have to give consent for the kids to participate. I did sent them to one in year 6 before they started high school. I did see the reading material which was sent after the session. It did include the anatomy of both genders and also advice regarding safe practices. It is relief because I did not have to tell, so the issue has been handled by professional as school. There was also a school based education in year 2-3 about inappropriate behaviours with regards to kids and adults. I did send my kids to that as well, because there are issues here which we know and difficult to talk with young kids. So my kids would come and tell me about the inappropriate behaviour and wat an adult cant do with them. So I was relieved not to endure talking such things as well.

    With regards to your kid, the best option is at age appropriate time, take your kid to a doctor and usually they help with such issues. When I take my kid to doctor, I usually will not stay around, as I know that the doctor will also like to talk to my son in private. I will also not ask what questions the doctor asked my son as well. Usually it is confidentiality issues with doctor and they are not obliged to tell parents anything ( except abuse) that the mature adult ( which could include teens) has told them. Infact the teen has to give consent that his personal issues could be talked with his parents and then only can a doctor tell it to parents.

    Since you have a daughter, you could possibly talk with her. There are plenty of online resources for you to read and when age appropriate initiate the talk, first with anatomical and physiological changes of puberty. In that way first initiate talks, then if you have not talked about inappropriate behaviour of any adult towards a child, you can point that out to her and slowly move towards that topic.

    Regards,
    Vaidehi
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I vaguely recall it starts in 5th grade. Depends on the teacher too - how much time they spend on it, and if anything is sent home.

    It happens to a certain extent in each high school. One of my friend's kid told us how they had to carry a 10 lb doll around, and it was the kind that needed to be fed, diaper changed etc. They were graded on how well they looked after it! Idea is to show them how much work a baby can be.

    The growth, development and safe habits covered in school are a starting point. Those cannot be the sole source for child. More so, since they also teach them some nonsense like 'you will have feelings... valentine's day... blah blah' right from 11 yrs.

    How to approach the birds and bees talk with kids when living in U.S. can be a thread topic by itself.

    Kids pick up the most from how we live our lives. Indian origin kids do have a certain dual nature to their life - the outside varies from the life at home. As long as parents are good role models most of the time, and spend a lot of time talking with the child - children do tend to take after parents.

    We are open to the idea of kid dating in older teen years.

    Dr is very right IMO. Kids are our responsibility, and we should be able to instill in them values we care about. For me, it is very important that my kids fit in. Growing up, for a variety of reasons didn't really fit in as much as wanted to. And then some painful experiences in initial time in U.S. when didn't know basics of western dressing, grooming for work, presentation or holiday parties. So, I myself want my kids to fit in, including shaving legs from 6th grade (was needed, we tend to have dark thick body hair), and pushing to try slightly fashionable clothes.

    IMO when they ask is the good time to start. Just show them how to do it properly.


    Depends on family dynamics, and how free mom is. I tend to be very open and we've discussed pretty much all. My girl is 16. She knows more than me now I guess. For eg. she told me what 'slash fiction' means! sigh.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Mature adults - that's what I used to think. Till my kondem-wisdom : ) mom friend told me that their brains are not fully developed yet. I thought she was being funny.. turns out their brains are not fully connected yet:
    A crucial part of the brain — the frontal lobes — are not fully connected. Really.

    "It's the part of the brain that says: 'Is this a good idea? What is the consequence of this action?' " Jensen says. "It's not that they don't have a frontal lobe. And they can use it. But they're going to access it more slowly."

    That's because the nerve cells that connect teenagers' frontal lobes with the rest of their brains are sluggish. Teenagers don't have as much of the fatty coatin called myelin, or "white matter," that adults have in this area.

    Think of it as insulation on an electrical wire. Nerves need myelin for nerve signals to flow freely. Spotty or thin myelin leads to inefficient communication between one part of the brain and another.



    In our case, child turning out to be homosexual would be at most 'a surprise' and having seen it so much in the news and read so much about it, we are kind of primed for the possibility. I would worry more about kid choosing a partner from a totally different culture, kid being unhappy in the relationship...

    On a lighter note, I was telling DD that a bunch of friends : ) and I were talking about child turning out lesbian/gay.
    She: "Not to imply you grew up in a very orthodox time, but....
    Me: "that's okay.. you can skip the qualifiers..."
    She: "I mean not that you had a childhood that was ..."
    Me: 'that's fine... ask the question!"
    She: As a teenager, if you came out as a lesbian, what would have been grandma/grandpa's reaction?
    Me: Oh, that's an easy one... when we were teenagers, we didn't come out as anything.
    She: Oh?
    Me: Yes, we did no coming out of any kind. We stayed put. : )
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    CrayoNess, good suggestions in your post, but I have to say I was smiling to think of me or my average desi friend doing the spa-thing or hairdo's etc together with DD. The mom and daughter might practice classical music together, even perform a dance together, take those classes together... but home spa, long beauty sessions together, don't usually happen.

    Just an observation. Do agree with gist of your post.
     
  10. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rihana

    That discussion you have written is really funny.

    Yes it is true that the brain is growing until adult stage.
    I was just referring what they tell by mature adults, meaning they could give consent to the treatment. Should have used the term 'mature minor', sorry for the error. Nothing in relation to the growth of the brain. Below is the link and that is what I meant. Maybe the way I wrote was not clear.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gillick_competence

    Regards,
    Vaidehi
     
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