Teenager With Tics And Depression

BeautifulSmile · Aug 26, 2023

As always, mostly I come here for sure, when something is not right at my end. Sometimes I found solutions, sometimes I found friends to lean on. This is the time again:

My 14 year teenager was going thru some rough times. I could sense something wrong, but she never shared anything concerning. Either she didn’t tell me or there was nothing. She lost her appetite, easily gets irritated, especially with me. Never shows interest to spend time with family but always wants to be with friends. I see all my friends and neighbors, for sure we spend very good quality time together with the family. My teenager also says that we have the best family.

Fast forward one year: I said timeout, we need to go see a doctor to understand what's happening. She suggested seeing a neurologist for tics which got severe in the last one year and a psychiatrist to check if there is anxiety. Yes she was diagnosed with mild- moderate depression, she has been recommended for therapies as early as possible. Neurologist thinks she needs to be on meds to treat tics. I am devastated to know all these. I always always made sure I gave good time to kids. Right from the time they enter, I am constantly talking to them about how was your day, is there anything I should know or you want to share, anything bothering you. Its not new, from the day of kindergarten this is how I am with them. But where does this depression come from? How does this depression also add up to tics?

I don’t feel I am a failure in parentings NO as myself retro is not telling anything, maybe small small things. But I am her mom, I need to correct, I need to raise my voice where required. Other than that nothing. Where did it go wrong? Since this morning I have been crying continuously. I don’t know what to do.

iyerviji · Aug 26, 2023

Don't worry everything.will.be alright. All gge best for her to be normal

MalStrom · Aug 26, 2023

You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, you have been doing the right things. You have identified that your daughter has an issue that needs help, and you have sought it out. Plenty of people young and old deal with mental health challenges. It is nothing to be ashamed of or blame yourself for.
The only thing that matters is to get your child the supports she needs and offer unconditional love.

Viswamitra · Aug 26, 2023

@BeautifulSmile,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through suddenly. You have always offered unconditional love to your daughter and nothing to feel bad about her current situation. I am glad it is diagnosed. Tics might occur with other conditions such as ADHD, anxiety, or OCD. Your physician has already diagnosed her with mild-moderate depression. Sometimes, the children, by nature, hold information inside of them, no matter how persuasive the parents are. Now that she has help from the professionals, there is nothing to worry about. Spend more time with her so that she could open up whenever she is comfortable. Did anyone had this condition in either one of the families before? Make sure you have complete control on the dosage of the medication given to her. Keep monitoring her weight as those drugs could make her gain weight.

Please give her a lot of confidence that she is going to be better soon. My best wishes for her speedy recovery.

Mistt · Aug 27, 2023

@BeautifulSmile,
Please calm down and don’t Blame yourself as you didn’t do anything wrong. Actually, I feel you are one of the best moms and you observed changes in her and took the professional help at right time. As Viswa Sir said some kids don’t like to share their struggles and secrets with all, especially with parents. it can be their nature or they think parents don’t understand them even though you assure them many times to you are there for them.
Depression and other mental health related issues happen for anyone at any age. A good psychologist find out the reasons behind her depression as they ask her everything from her childhood to now. That deep digging in her life know them to what the root cause for her depression and they will suggest how to come out from that depression. Please don’t worry and She will be fine soon and please love her more than how you used to love her. Give your complete support to her to come out from that depression. You must show that confidence in you and that give her mental strength.

Laks09 · Aug 28, 2023

BeautifulSmile said: ↑

Where did it go wrong?
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Nothing went wrong. You saw something amiss and took action. That’s the best thing to do. Don’t go back and look into the what ifs and the should haves. You’ll drive yourself crazy. Sometimes there are no environmental or other reasons for mental health issues. It is the way someone’s brain is wired. The ages between 13-20 are when most of these things become more evident. Changing hormones, middle school stress, the anxiety of modern day living can all add exasperate this but the underlying issue is always in the brain.

BeautifulSmile said: ↑

this morning I have been crying continuously. I don’t know what to do
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I’m sorry for this. I can empathize with you. All I can say is take your time to grieve. It’s ok to do so. In fact it’s a natural process for a parent to go through when facing a mental health diagnosis.
Don’t let your child think that this is a huge taboo or an unacceptable condition though. Try to keep your feelings about her diagnosis away from her. She shouldn’t blame herself.

BeautifulSmile said: ↑

I am devastated to know all these. I always always made sure I gave good time to kids. Right from the time they enter, I am constantly talking to them about how was your day, is there anything I should know or you want to share, anything bothering you. Its not new, from the day of kindergarten this is how I am with them. But where does this depression come from? How does this depression also add up to tics?
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Trust me. Because you’ve been the vigilant mom, you found out sooner. You took note, gave it time and when it didn’t work you went to the doctor.
You also saw a neurologist.
You should talk to the neurologist about the reason for the tics and if it is a neurological condition that is co morbid with the depression. You should also consider the advice of the dr regarding medicating for the tics. If it’s hindering her daily life, then it maybe worth looking into.

Regarding depression, along with counseling with Cognitive Behavior Therapy is possibly what the dr suggested. It’s supposed to work really well for adolescents. Give CBT time. You should also be an active participant in therapy. The therapist will help you work with your child. What you can do for your child is to learn the basics of CBT so you can be an active participant in her recovery. This will also give you a sense of doing something for your kid and maybe you will feel less despondent. I always feel better when I’m taking some action Vs doing nothing.

These books are a good starting point. I was recommended these by a wise parent once. Even without any issues the second book helps with teens!

Retrain Your Brain: Cognitive... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01M0ILKMQ

The Anti-Depressant Book: A... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D3LH1IQ

You can research other books too. There are ones specific for kids and teens.

One of the best advice I’ve heard was from a friend who suffered from Depression and anxiety starting in middle school. She told me her Dr told her to run for 30 minutes every morning before school. She’s still a part of my running group and runs every morning to help her mental health. Along with everything the therapist and dr suggests find a non competitive activity for your daughter and let her have time to do it in the morning. She’s 15. It’s a good time to start some sort of physical activity for no other reason other than exercise. Competitive sports is stress inducing so I don’t recommend that. Running, swimming, yoga, Pilates, walking are all good activities. If you make it a mom and child kind of activity, it will benefit both of you! If mornings are hard, try evenings.

Hang in there. You will be able to find strength to navigate this. Please post here for others to help you with your stress. I got so much from posters here during a similar stressful situation. You may not get answers but you will get listening ears and good vibes from here. It will help when you cannot talk about all this to anyone in real life!

BeautifulSmile · Aug 28, 2023

Thank you @iyerviji ma. I lost my mom couple of years ago, but she always made me felt she is by me. When sequence of events happened in the last week like 2 card accidents in same week, kid found out with depression and her tics needed medication as its severe, I asked mom where are you? did you leave me? But for some reason when I read your simple reply, I felt she was telling me.

@MalStrom, @Viswamitra sir, @Mistt, @Laks09 I cant thank you enough. Not to mention the reasons, I am 100% distancing from friends and neighbors, which I am truly appreciating myself. I found it peace. But that let me with no one to talk to, vent, or take suggestions. Also I am very very closed person, even my relation with all of them intact still I wouldn't have opened up but wouldn't have this worse. This place sounds to me like mom's home. I can say anything and you all are here to help me, point me when I am wrong, I really cant thank you enough and few other folks you generally reply to me, I once in a while login just to check these people are alright as they are responding in other threads.

Back to kid: this was worse, but great in many ways. We started the medicine, she is really off, but which is okay, she on meds. neurologist recommended for MRI, soon will be getting that done. Worst and best thing is: my neighbor's son and his friends gang were bulling my daughter and her friends so much, she told us that he definitely made her depression worse. Why I said best part is, I and my husband made point very clear we stand by her if there is no her fault. If you are at fault on saying anything back out of anger, dont expect us to support. Also we made sure, she totally understands now, we are there for her. We told her this 10k times in the past but this time, we took little different step. I stood in front of my house and asked her to go to his house ask him to come out and give him a strong warning. If he wont stop he has to face consequences as before I had a conversation with his mom, it didnt make any difference. So anyways one problem I know, I need to work with her. And give her more time and love. You all also pointed me to this, I will come back later with more updates on how this is going.
Any teen mom : if you are reading this, dont assume all is fine in kids life, please pay more and more attention. You will be surprised to learn things happening in their world. I am still learning too. Also I also have elementary kid, its very important for me to balance between them, have positive imapct for each other between them and use this learning tool better with my younger one and when she hits teenage.

Sweety2016 · Aug 28, 2023

@BeautifulSmile I can very well empathize with you. Your daughter will remember this phase when her mom stood strong, holding her hands, for the rest of her life. With a wonderful mother like you, your daughter is soon going to be better and happy. My prayers are with you and your daughter.

Sometimes, depression might be induced due to external factors.

My best friend was terribly depressed when she was in Class 12. We met in college years later. She came from a loving family: studious, beautiful, and jovial. She had a good social circle. She was religious as well. But suddenly, she fell into depression. Her parents suffered a lot to bring back their girl. They were staunch Brahmins but were ready to do anything to cure their daughter, from visiting psychiatrists and counselors, doing poojas, attending sermons in mosques to cooking eggs at home. Literally anything! She had to repeat class 12 once again as she was unable to attend classes. Rumors started spreading in her circle that she had an affair with a boy and had a bad break-up.. whatnot!!
After so much effort, she realized that one of her friends was the reason for her depression. She could feel stress engulfing her body when she met that particular friend. When she is stressed out, she cries, breathes heavily, and faints. That friend is a classic manipulator and an emotional abuser who threatens my friend when things don't go her way.
When a guy smiled at my friend, this girl would start giving my friend the silent treatment. My friend had to beg her to make her talk to her once again.
When my friend wore a nice dress, she passed discouraging remarks
She body shames her and gets very angry when my friend performs better in exams..so on.

So, please analyze whether some external influence is troubling your dear daughter. Your daughter might be scared to open up, and it took one full year for my friend to open up.

lavani · Aug 28, 2023

BeautifulSmile said: ↑

As always, mostly I come here for sure, when something is not right at my end. Sometimes I found solutions, sometimes I found friends to lean on. This is the time again:

My 14 year teenager was going thru some rough times. I could sense something wrong, but she never shared anything concerning. Either she didn’t tell me or there was nothing. She lost her appetite, easily gets irritated, especially with me. Never shows interest to spend time with family but always wants to be with friends. I see all my friends and neighbors, for sure we spend very good quality time together with the family. My teenager also says that we have the best family.

Fast forward one year: I said timeout, we need to go see a doctor to understand what's happening. She suggested seeing a neurologist for tics which got severe in the last one year and a psychiatrist to check if there is anxiety. Yes she was diagnosed with mild- moderate depression, she has been recommended for therapies as early as possible. Neurologist thinks she needs to be on meds to treat tics. I am devastated to know all these. I always always made sure I gave good time to kids. Right from the time they enter, I am constantly talking to them about how was your day, is there anything I should know or you want to share, anything bothering you. Its not new, from the day of kindergarten this is how I am with them. But where does this depression come from? How does this depression also add up to tics?

I don’t feel I am a failure in parentings NO as myself retro is not telling anything, maybe small small things. But I am her mom, I need to correct, I need to raise my voice where required. Other than that nothing. Where did it go wrong? Since this morning I have been crying continuously. I don’t know what to do.
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Girls at this age can be really mean to each other with words that can imprint . Even boys too. now a days boys do not fight traditionally ( i would prefer that) , they bully in words and emtionally and continue .

just imagine, did you share everything with your parents at that age. everything means all.

if there a yoga class both of you join together. it helps.
do not shy of medication if any but ask everything , like the dosage, if it can interfere when they want to start a family of their own when they grow up. duration and weaning .

try to figure some therapy. therapy can be tricky too, some of those therapists are useless. you need to find who really can help her communicate.

yes , you and your dh have to be her pillar. it takes a skill too.

my dh if you see from outside, will act like an idiot to my kids , he will be taunting and teasing both dd and ds like a teen. but he knows everything about them since they share like a bro friend. he knows there are Drugs supplied in high school, Girls having relationships.
For middle school for son, he know what content my son sees and what they talk and even por.n discussions they have. then he advises what to avoid.

he has had fights with parents who have bullied son and shared their kids bad habits to them.

most important. do not think you are failure. no one is given a hand book .

ProudIndian · Aug 28, 2023

OP

It's not your fault at all. This new generation got access to internet, social media but don't have maturity to handle it or control themselves. This shall pass. Lot of kids now a days are going for therapy. Indian parents don't talk openly but American parents acknowledge and spread awareness about mental health. Try to give her healthy food like green leafy veggies, fruits etc. If kid is not eating make cold smoothies from power greens mixed with her favorite fruits and give her cold. Kids like cold smoothies which taste like fruits. Don't be shy to talk to other parents who have similar issues. Help is available. There is nothing to be ashamed.