Teenage Crushes An Article By Varalotti Rengasamy The girl was walking with her brother in a busy thoroughfare in Bangalore. They were talking animatedly as they were crossing an intersection of roads. Suddenly from nowhere appeared a young man armed with a knife and was about to stab the girl. The girl’s brother threw himself on the assailant and put up a brave fight. But how long could a thirteen year old boy hold against a maniac killer armed with a lethal weapon? In a matter of minutes the assailant stabbed the girl several times and then stabbed himself. When the ambulance came both were dead. The brother who put up a valiant fight was honoured with a bravery award. In a press interview he said “I am ready to return this award and whatever I have. Will someone give back my sister?” It was only later that the background of the incident was known. The assailant and the girl were deeply in love with each other. The boy was very possessive that he became furious even if the girl appeared to talk to another boy. This led to frequent squabbles between the lovers and in a heated moment the girl plainly walked out of the relationship. Gripped with fierce jealousy the boy, a software engineer in the making killed the girl and then killed himself. Two precious lives were lost. Two families lost their children. Inconsolable, no doubt. But definitely avoidable. It is high time we focus on the adoloscent relationships. Agony aunt colums and ask me sites focus predominantly on pre-marital sex among the adoloscents. Pre-marital sex is a definitely a matter of moral concern to the parents and to the society. And unprotected sex is a serious health hazard given the fact India holds the third rank in the world when it comes to number of AIDS infected people. Agreed. But having sex especially a typical one-night stand is one-thing. But having a serious love relationship is a completely different ball game and often times a fatal one too, as the incident described above proves beyond doubt. Psychologists are unanimous in saying that it requires the maturity of an adult to handle a full-fledged love relationship or a romantic relationship. It is debatable whether pre-marital sex is morally all right given our cultural mileu; it is arguable whether it is okay to have the first sexual experience at a very young age. But there could not be any second opinion about the fact that the minds of the adoloscents are not capable of having a serious relationship. First an adoloscent cannot objectively view the relationship. A mind obsessed with sex and physical relationships thanks to the harmones which will be working overtime during adoloscence, cannot focus on the subtle aspects of a real relationship. An adoloscent cannot even properly judge whether the other person is really good and whether a healthy relationship can be sustained with that person. Adoloscents are fiercely possessive. Untamed by the ways of the world and unknown to the harsh realities of life an adult they are typically 10 times more possessive than an adult. By this excessive possessiveness they deny the space to their partners to live their own lives – a crucial necessity if a long-term relationship is to be sustained. Added to that adoloscents are highly impressionable. They fall in and fall out of a relationship all for wrong reasons in no time. And they react excessively to any intrusion to the relationship. In every man-woman relationship there is surely an element of jealousy. But during adoloscence the jealousy is so intense that it can even kill and maim at the slightest provocation. Selvi was very intimate with her cousin. Now it could not be called a proper relationship because her cousin, Ramesh, was her mother’s sister’s son. In the place where they lived (South Tamilnadu) they were deemed to be brother and sister. In fact that gave them a kind of licence to be together most of the time. People did not suspect anything between them as they saw them as siblings. Armed by this presumption the pair went ahead and had sex frequently. Now came the jealousy part. Ramesh knew that one day or other this relationship had to end because they could not marry. So he became overly protective (read: jealous) of Selvi. Selvi who intially felt very pampered by Ramesh’s attention, soon started feeling constricted. She studied in a co-ed school. She could not talk to the boys in the class, for Ramesh had planted ‘spies’ who will report such a transgression immediately to him. Ramesh was also trailing her wherever she went. In a moment of exasperation she told Ramesh enough is enough and simply stopped seeing him. This enraged Ramesh who had started plotting to do something to ‘teach a lesson or two to the bitch.’ One day Selvi was in a bus. Ramesh who as usual was trailing her was on the same bus just a seat behind her. Selvi knew about Ramesh’s presence and she wanted to irritate him. She saw Mani, a lawyer who was a family friend. Mani was in his forties and Selvi saw a powerful male in him who can counter Ramesh. When Selvi’s next seat became vacant she invited the lawyer to sit by her side. And when he sat down Selvi was soon engaged in an animated conversation with him. Mani was surprised by this sudden outspokenness of the girl. Ramesh became furious and thought that Selvi had a crush with the lawyer and that was the reason she dropped him. Ever since Selvi broke up with him he had been carrying a bottle containing some acid, just in case. Now in a fit of fury Ramesh threw the acid at Selvi and Mani. Selvi’s face was severely disfigured. Mani was also injured. And Ramesh is behind bars for the crime. Three lives were jeopardised thanks to one wrong relationship, very wrongly handled.