Tears and Warning Bells Again - The Freedom Song

varalotti · Nov 16, 2006

Your father's story was very moving!

Dear Varloo,
Your father's story was very moving. In fact it affected me even more than my story. Because in my story there is a recovery, there is a turning back and there is hope of life during the second part of Malathi's life. But your father lived and died as his parent's child, burying his desires deep within. I join you in your prayers that he should be born a free man in his next birth and pursue his heart's desires.
You have made a very good point, Varloo. There is some breaking point in a dominated person's life. If that point is crossed then he can never come back to a normal life, as it happened in the case of your father. Fortunately for Malathi she had a chance to escape before reaching that point. A few years down the line she would have also become docile and would not be able to come out on her own.
Thanks for the wonderful post. Godwilling one day I will write your father's story.
regards,
sridhar

varalotti · Nov 16, 2006

You have the flame intact, Latha!

Dear Latha,
I am happy to see that you still have the flame intact. When you rebelled against your mother by reading a novel covered in your books, what you did was an act to protect your identity, your freedom. As a schoolchild that act would not have got you marks; but I think that has given you a robust personality now, whom no one can emotionally blackmail.

What's more satisfying to me is that you have at last taken the sight of Malathi, the side of freedom and independence.

Thanks,
sridhar

varalotti · Nov 16, 2006

A Good Analysis, For the Second Time

Dear Preethi,

I am really moved by the sympathy you have for Malathi's father. Preethi's father should really be a lucky man to have such unconditional love from his daughter. (By using these words I am patting myself on my back for I am also, "Preethi's father")

But Preethi, you still need to understand Malathi and think with her mind and heart. You should have been blessed with such a nice father that you are not able to reconcile to the fact that there are people like Malathi's father too. And even if you are able to reconcile to that, you dont want to be harsh on him.

But see from Malathi's angle. With her sillest desire and smallest whim supressed by her father, even her attire being dicated by her father, she had to burst out one day. And she chose that day to be her date of marriage.

You talk of "sacrifices" of Malathi's father in bringing her up. It is not a "sacrifice". To him his daughter was an object of possession like a digital camera or a computer and he used that object to fulfil his personal desire - he had his desire to sing vicariously satisfied through his daughter.

Had he read just the following lines of Kahlil Gibran,
"Your children are not your children
They are sons and daugthers of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you and not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you."
he would not have done this fatal mistake.
But frankly I don't have regrets for him. He reaped what he diligently sowed.

Thanks for the post, Preethi.
regards,
sridhar

varalotti · Nov 16, 2006

And Vandhana For you..

Dear Vandhana,

I can see that you have a very kind and soft father who allowed himself to be twirled around his lovely daughter's fingers. In fact it is a blessing to the father to be twirled around by his daughter's fingers. I can tell you that as a father I have this blessing too.

But Vandhana, your love for your father is so great that you immediately see in Malathi's Dad a reflection of your father. It is not true. In this case it was he who was twirling around his daughter with his fingers. If her father is of such a type as can be convinced by reason, then he would not have been so dominating. And Vandhana, it is difficult to convince mono-maniacs by reason or love.

Regarding Chitras PS, did you see my reply?
sridhar

varalotti · Nov 16, 2006

You summed up the arguments for me!

You are right, Chitra. If Malathi's father could not accept her decision, then it is her loss.

But I am sure that the decision is sure to hit him hard on his face. He may even die of shock. But my heroine Malathi has even provided for that scenario. She would grieve as a daughter should do and then get on with her own life to live.

It is quite interesting to note that the "pal chombu" discussion is progressing side by side with big matters like freedom, child-rearing and all.
regards,
sridhar

varalotti · Nov 16, 2006

Thanks, The Faultless One!

Dear Anjana,
Thanks for understanding Malathi's mind. I bow down to your soft mind, which only a woman and only a daughter can have, which thinks that Malathi should not make him suffer in his old age.
But Malathi's father would not accept to be a next door neighbour in Chandigar. He would try to oppose the move but he would have no ground for it.
I think if we continue the story it would go like this. First Malathi's father would shout at her you ungrateful dog, how much did I do to you and all. But Malathi would insist on her decision and go away.
His father would be devastated (all his own making) and being unable to bear the shock he would get a mild attack. Seeing her father in trouble Malathi would rush to take care of him. While convalasceing he would realise the grave mistake he did to his daughter and feel for it. Then all the three would live happily thereafter, either in Chandigar or Chennai.
For your sake and for the sake of all very nice daughters in this forum I have given a happy ending to this story.
Anjana, tell me do you like this?
regards,
sridhar

Chitvish · Nov 16, 2006

This pertains to Pal Chombu, Sridhar !

Now don't tell me, kathai ! When I was married, the word "lingerie" could not have been even spelt by me correctly ! I am sure, both of us, belonging to the same place, the initial procedure (only) should have been similar !
Now, I know, exactly , as a man, what you are arriving at ! Ha, ha, ha ! You men, expect the woman to enter, "fully clad" !!! A pal chombu in her hands, when entering, will perhaps help her " maintain her balance", physically, with all the "mental fluttering and anticipation" going on !!
You are so strongly addicted to your old sweet memories that you are reluctant to come out of them, I can see !
But atleast, welcome us with a bouquet of roses, besides " other things" !
You will be surprised when I write to you, that quite a few PM s have arrived this morning, lauding me on the decision to do away with pal chombu !
Change your concepts before your daughter Preethi's D day comes & knocks you off !

As usual, we lovingly agree to disagree, on yet another issue !
Three cheers to our friendship !!

Love & regards,
Chithra.

anjana · Nov 16, 2006

Don't want to mess up with the writer

Dear Sridhar,
I think I would prefer the original ending just for Malathy's sake so she can enjoy the new freedom.Let dad lead his own way. He was a pushy dad and may be this will be a wake up call for future parents. Hope Malathy will not commit the same mistake like her dad.
Love,

Ushakrishnan64 · Nov 16, 2006

Wanted you to follow the Q

Dear Sridhar,
I did not want you to jump the Q's all the time. Also I wanted to see the reaction from my fellow IL members.
Sridhar, I come from a very close-knit family, where my parents mean my world. I cannot imagine that a girl can rebel against her father to such a great extent (My father is an angel, you know).
At the same time, my in-laws were very distant. To me it was a rude shock. Had I been rebellious, I would have been very far from my husband's family. But I manged to change their views over a long period of time. Now they tremendously appreciate my thoughts and deeds.
This is my argument to show that MJ will able to change her father's views with due support from Sethu.
If the father dies becos the shock, MJ will never be able to forgive herself for the rest of her life. She will not realise it now..but it is hard to face the shock of reality.
Thank you for the fairy tale ending (M is back to her father and they all live happily ever after)..This makes me happy.
PS: You are rank holder in CA & ACA..wow...something to be very proud of (not only your parents..Preethi will also be boasting of this achievement of yours!!)

Regards
USHA

Preethi · Nov 16, 2006

Speaking up for Malathy Dad.

Dear Varalotti,

I am been reading through all the post in this forum and let me tell you, even an action-packed masala movie, wont give me that much entertainment ! Am thoroughly enjoying myself here and reading the replies gives me an opportunity to understand the mindset and sensivity of all other members in this website clearly !

In most of the replies, I see that we have all been analysing malathy life only from her perspective and we never tried to see what made Malathy dad, Jayaraman (I suppose that's his name, as mentioned by Malathy to her hubby) such a character. I would always like to analyse things from the person's point of view, who is at fault, and search for some justification for his mistake. If I find the justification convincing, I would feel sorry for the person even if he is to be blamed, otherwise I show no sympathy towards him. In your earlier story of the artist, when I looked at the whole incident from his shoes, I saw no justification to support him, hence I opposed him, Whereas in case of malathy's Dad, I see some justification in him and hence feel the strong urge to give him some support, though he is to be blamed for what he has done to malathy.

Firstly, Malathy tells her husband about his dreams and how it got shattered by her dad.

"Sethu, it is true that my father moulded me into a first class artist - of national fame. I concede. But what for? You know the reason? In his young days he wanted to be a musician himself.

“But his prosaic father would never allow anything of that sort and forced him to take a Government job instead. My father's frustrated desire to become a singer was fulfilled through me.

Well, Varalotti, probably Jayaraman's non-understanding attitude towards his child I feel, is quite natural. Seeing his own dad restricting his dreams and ambitions during his childhood, Jayaram is made to believe that it is the way of life between a father and a child. He is pracitising what has been taught to him by his father in his childhood, on his daughter i.e. dictating the life of his child. In reality, we cannot expect all parents, who have been deprived of their rights, to give that rights in adubance to their kids. Certain mindset imbibed at young age, remains the same till the end ! Had Jayaraman's father been so understanding to him and in turn he had not been that understanding to his daughter,I can say he is wrong, but not in this scenario.

Secondly, Jayaraman lost his wife and malathy grew as a motherless child. Had their been a women in Jayaramn's life, she must have not let him be such a demanding dad for malathy. Having been brought up in a family where suppressing one's whims and fancies had been the normal way of life, and having no one else to point out its wrong and to change him, Jayaraman was going towards the wrong direction entirely in his life, without having anyone to show him the right direction. So don't blame malathy's dad entirely for his nature. I only feel sorry for Jayaraman for not realising the ruthlessness of his actions and what it might lead to. Only when one realise they are making a mistake, they can take corrective actions, I wonder whether it dawned on Jayaraman to even realise that he is making a mistake ???????

Lastly, If malathy is going to leave him (She has all the rights to, looking from the deprived point of view and Jayaraman has no rights to stop her, that too after she is married ), Jayaraman is going to be orphaned and this will give him no chance to realise his mistakes till he goes to the grave. To make Jayaraman realise his mistakes, leaving him is not the solution, being with him and teaching him what is right and wrong is the best way to make him understand, he may not like malathy's decision now, but eventually someday in his life, seeing the unconditional love from malathy and his son-in-law, he will realise what a grave mistake he has committed in his life ! As a deprived, malathy should make her dad realise his fault and not just run away from him !

I am not just looking at malathy as a person Varalotti, am looking at her as a daughter , a wife and maybe tomorrow a mother. Breaking family ties with her dad will not return her the lost happiness. Again I emphasise, Past is Past. She can make her future more happy with her husband and willingly with her dad too, if she learns to balance her emotions and not to distance herself with him.

Well, Varalotti, If you wonder, why am so supportive of malathy dad...Personally, I always have a soft-corner for any Single Parent raising their children (be it in a real life or a story ) and belive children should always give more love and support to such parents, regardless of their nature. Probably my support to malathy dad (apart from my analysis) is an outburst of my feelings too ! As far as my dad is concerned, he is not that lucky enough to have my unconditional love, he passed away few months after I was born. So, I can relate myself easily to the mindset of a single parent from my own life experience.

So now you can see how it comes naturally for me to support Jayaraman , a single parent, looking at his nature from his perspective...

And finally, Should I call it a sentiment. My dad's name is Jayaraman tooo....:mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Love,
Preethi