Tears and Warning Bells Again – A Real Life Incident

Eljaype · Nov 12, 2006

no loss, no gain

Hi all of you,

I also agree with what Preethi said. Self pity is not going to help in anything, the man was pitying himself , cribbing that his father spoilt his dreams.
If his dreams were strong , his passions were strong, he would have done something for it. It was not. Instead he is complaining , that his father spoilt him.
Did his father hypnotise him or do any such thing?? No isn't it??
He just advised his son showing him the way . Doesn't the man have his own ideas but to blindly accept his father's advises ? I can't understand these things??
As you say , I also accept , that it was difficult in those days , to go against the father. But how come that the man didn't understand that his father was manipulating him?? He could have started to work on his passions in the free time. By the time he was 55 , he would have become one professional.
How did you become a writer?? that too a famous one?? you found that passion out at the right time. You started on it and developed on it.
For my husband also it was a passion to become a photographer, but he couldn't because of the family commitments and lack of income. It is a very costly profession. He started late, but is very happy now that he could do it.
He has a great collection now.

Like my husband , he also could have started somewhere inbetween and could have done better if he had worked for his passion and not keep crying like a baby

Please , do not get offended. Sometimes I may sound very blunt.
Latha :wave

varalotti · Nov 13, 2006

Pertinent Observation, Kamla!

Dear Kamla,

Fear of falling down or the love of financial security is something ingrained into the Indian psyche. That is because for a long time when we were under the British rule we lived in a period of uncertainty and had famines and food shortages frequently. We Indians therefore drew a clear line between what we have to do and what we love to do. The have to do is done in the prime time in the mornings - being a clerk in a Government office, a bureaucrat or something similar. The love to do part comes in the leisure time. Well, the person in my incident, had he understood this basic truth he need not have to cry when he was 55.

I have heard about this German approach to take things easy. Going slow at that crucial period actually helps us to organise our thoughts, have a second look at the deepest parts of our minds before we take a plunge into life. If we can guard against the risk of drifting from the mainstream or going astray, I would prescribe that kind of sabbatical for those who want the "right career."

When it comes to security I fully agree with Richard Bach who says that nothing outside us can give us security. Security can only come from the inside. Career choice and security issues might form another thread.
Thanks for those pertinent observations.
regards,
sridhar

varalotti · Nov 13, 2006

You are right, Sudha!

Dear Sudha,

The father per se is not to be blamed. He did what all the fathers did in his period. Only thing is he did it cleverly. Instead of shouting at his son he soft-talked him into what he wanted him to do.

Parents at all times want their children to fall into the least risky career patterns. Painting, tennis, writing, music and dancing are pretty risky; in fact a hundred times more risky than being a doctor or engineer.

It was a time his passion was budding when it was half-nipped. And such passions are neither alive nor dead. It was as if he had been carrying a still born child with him and he realised the pain only when he was 55.

He is more to be blamed.
There are much hotter posts down the line. More on this point when I reply to them.
regards,
sridhar

varalotti · Nov 13, 2006

Preethi, Latha and Usha - I am grouping you together!

Dear Preethi, Latha and Usha,

I can justifiably lift my collars in pride for I have made you ladies emotional. I love the way in which you three have furiously condemned the man. And Preethi, Usha and Latha, thanks a ton for those kind words you have about my career choice. Usha, congratulations on making your child a dancer; what your mother could not do to you you did to your daughter.

I just posted the story and described the pathetic nature of that man's mind. I never told you that he is blameless. In fact JK himself has condemned the man in the strongest terms possible. Do you remember the original line? JK told in so many words that his urge to draw was not as strong as that of eating and sleeping. And that was the reason he allowed himself to be sweet-talked out of his chosen career.

Yes he is to be blamed; the fault is his, fully his. But Preethi, tell me, does it mean he does not deserve our sympathies? If we show our sympathies only to those who did everything right, then it would not be sympathy but justice.
I am remembered of an incident which I have already quoted twice in this forum.
Once a soldier in Napoleans army was condemned to death for some misdeed. The soldiers mother sought audience with Napolean and pleaded for mercy.
Napolean replied, "Your son does not deserve mercy."
For which the wise lady told, "My Lord, if he deserves mercy and then you show mercy, it will not be mercy but justice. Mercy is compassion shown when the subject least deserves it."
Moved by these words of truth Napolean released the soldier. (Another interesting corollary to this incident is that I used this to get some relief for my client from the Income Tax Commissioner when my client had done something wrong)

Had the person been flawless and then had his father brutally thwarted his plans then it would have been only pathetic and not poignant. I wanted to share this incident with all of you precisely because the entire blame is on the man. Of course the father also had a share of that blame for he had not applied his mind to this special case and drove his son in the most conventional path.

I know a donor in Madurai. He would help only those poor patients who suffer from diseases like cancer, renal failure etc. He would never help someone with AIDS. His reason: in 90% of the AIDS cases the person is immoral and also stupid enough not to take even the minimal precautions.

But my view is that we should sympathise with cancer patients no doubt. But we should have more sympathies with AIDS cases for the precise reason that they are to be blamed for their tragedy.

And when we are compassionate to persons who are at fault we try to understand them, their errors even better. That understanding would enable us to prevent such things happening in our life.

And more importantly we wont act like the conventional father and cleverly divert him from his career path.

Thanks once again for your enthusiastic participation.
regards,
Varalotti

Kamla · Nov 13, 2006

I am floored...

Dear Sridhar,

I have been following this thread with great interest as I enjoyed the contributions of Preethi, Latha and Usha in particular. They have given this incident a lot of thought and energy and were true in their condemnation of the man who so easily succumbed to his circumstances. I was awaiting your reply with much curiosity and your reply once again goes to prove that you are a writer, a thinking writer and one with a large heart.

And when we are compassionate to persons who are at fault we try to understand them, their errors even better. That understanding would enable us to prevent such things happening in our life.

The above lines are laden with a lot of insight and thought. How true and at the same time, a very difficult thing to do. Tolerance and understanding are virtues one must cultivate consciously. Nice post.

L, Kamla

Eljaype · Nov 13, 2006

Cribbing

Dear Varalotti ,

I can understand you. That we should be compassionate and support the people who are suffering from their own mistakes. They are to blamed as you say.

I agree with you that we should support cancer/ aids patients. Sometimes unknowingly / knowingly some people commit mistakes and suffer the results. But cribbing and blaming another person for his mistakes is the one point I can't swallow. When one couldn't get the things one wanted to, there is no point in cribbing, as in this case crying on a stage in front of so many people , blaming his late father.
That was hat I was against, nothing else. I am ready to help as many people as I can and have done also. I actually support people who accept their mistakes and tell me that they have gone wrong somewhere and need help to come out of it. I can take that .
Here the man is flawed as you say but he is not accepting his mistake. He is blaming his father for his failure. That is my point.
Then I also can say that my father didn't allow me to work and because of that I missed out something. He was conseravtive and he didn't like his daughters going to work.
My sister is an owner of a sarees and dress materials boutique and she is doing very well. She also started very late , in her forties. Now she has a well-known boutique in TVM.
I couldn't do like her but still could earn something to call my own. That's all.
Latha :wave

Ushakrishnan64 · Nov 13, 2006

Defeatist attitude!!

Dear Sridhar,
Before writing this post, I went back to your narration. The father never stopped the son from learning the art. He said..do it in your leisure time. It was the son's attitude that he did not utilise his free time for his so-called desire. Then he has no right to blame his father.
Next, at the age of 55, he should not be standing on the stage and crying. He would have gained respect in my eyes, if he stood up and said: "I am going to pursue my dreams now, what if I am 55?" Instead he is asking JK : I don't know what to do".
If he cannot take a decisive step at 55, I can imagine how he would have been at 25. Thank God, he had a sensible father. So he had a secure education and a decent job.
Now coming to the question of mercy versus justice: If the man had blamed himself for what happened, and looked for help, he deserves mercy and compassion (given this situation only...please don't put a counter question, if I will be merciful to an AIDS patient, who brought it upon himself by his deeds).
Sridhar, you are improving my writing skills now..thanks a lot...
Regards
USHA

Preethi · Nov 13, 2006

There is still hope !

Dear Varalotti,

Thanks for your wonderful response, the more and more this topic is being discussed, I realise am more and more drawn to it with my emotions and finding it hard to keep quiet !

You asked me to tell you, whether this man does not deserve our sympathies ? Varalotti, let me frankly tell you, eliciting sympathy for this person, depends on the mindset with which you analyse this guy's position.

With a practical mind, even now , I will show the same amount of disapproval in this guy's attitude and stick to my vehemence against him ! Nonetheless, if he can help himself overcome his current state and be more focused on his desires (atleast from now on), I would welcome that change in him and respect him for what he is trying to be, than sticking onto that set impression about him from his past. I genuinely wish this guy comes out of that mental agony what he is going through and still make it to his destination. "Past is History", why to destroy one's present and future for something that had happened in the past and which cannot be reversed ? I don't pity him but his ignorance to think he is no more useful as an artist, there is still a chance...He is just not ready to see it.

If this person happened to be someone whom I have known, I will recommend him to get in touch with some counsellor to talk him out of his present mindset and to rediscover the passions which he believes is not with him anymore(I feel he should strictly not be given another chance to decide on his own, for that would lead to ruining his remaining hopes and dreams , whatever little left with him) and make him to try out painting/drawing again. Initially he might go blank with no creativity, but eventually with continuous attempts he will realise his talents surfacing. This attempt at this age, though may not promise him a fulfledged career or popularity, will atleast give him a satisfaction of realising his dreams .. It's better late than never !

Am ready to encourage and wish this man, for his future endeavours to succeed in his artistic venture, if he is still believes and attempts his artistic passions! I personally feel that everyone making a mistake in life, deserves a second chance for amendments and this guy is no exception to that !

Love,
Preethi

meenu · Nov 13, 2006

Boldness is required

Dear varlotti,
i read with great interest the posts in this thread. It needs real gutsand self confidence to go after your heart especially if it does not bring money. Money is only a means to live and we do not live for money. A close relative of mine is a CA Icwa acsand management accountant. He had apassion for economics . He gave up a very lucrative corporate job to take up teaching as he loved the same.moneywise he had to sacrifice but to day he is a top teacher in one of the IIMs and all students love his classes. His passion for economics has earned him a place as advisor to ministry. He is a very happy man now and money is also no problem. I know many youngsters who after ten or 15 years of lucrative jobs have felt they have earned enough and started doing what their heart tells them to do.Many younsters of today are very sure of what they do not want to do and no amount of prersuation from parents change their mind. I think it is wrong to blame a parent if one cannot realise his dreams and passions. I have found great happiness in teaching teen agers whom I love and loving teaching and my subject have enjoyed muyself very much sitting at home.
Regards,
Meenu

Preethi · Nov 13, 2006

No Real life examples to quote !

Varalotti, after a day and half of hard thinking (I haven't done this kind of thinking with my subjects during school/college days :tongue ), Let me admit that, I am up with no real life examples from the ppl life I have seen to give u examples of persons leaving their lucrative jobs to pursue their passions...Those whom I know are either with whatever job they are in with full happiness, or atleast for the sake of their family not willing to take any risk, or into business right from day one (maybe here, there are cases where people have risked moving from one business to another, either out of passion or money-making and met success/failures and not given up)....

Looks like my known circle of people are not ready for facing contraversies in life There are some notable figures whom I have known having a successful career (in field of art/literature etc), but I don't know whether those who are successful at what they are doing now, are into it right from start or whether they started it off from the middle of their lucrative career disowning it, due to their extreme passion !

May I humbly ask you, why you wanted me to quote some real-life experience(s)...am sure there must be some strong intentions for your asking me this question...!

Regards,
Preethi
PS: I keep getting this feeling that am going to be cornered now :-D

varalotti said: ↑

Dear Preethi,

Please don't feel bad that I am questioning like a school teacher. The subject we are discussing is the closest to my heart and I want many reinforcing examples on that.

Now Preethi look around your friend circles, relatives and acquaintainces and tell me about persons who resigned a lucrative job to do some thing they loved to do.
I will be happy if you can quote examples of "success" and "failure" of this type of persons.

regards,
Varalotti
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