talking to old friend when dh dislikes

jhalli27 · Jan 25, 2011

hi. im married for 3 yrs and have 15 month old DD. mine was a love marriage. dh and in laws are pretty nice. except the few occassional and acceptable differences.

though im reserved by nature, i always had a fixed set of frieds. like many other woman, i got along better with guys and hence had more guy friends than girls. but this was before marriage. post wedding, i havent been in touch with any guys coz dh disliked it. dint share my number also with anyone. but after the evolvement of social networking sites esp sin the last 2 yrs, i have found few of my old friends there. dh is aware of this and doesnt really bother as he has no time for social networking and trusts that i will not do anything that he dislikes. i too have never let him down.

now the issue: i had a firend, and we met about 10 yrs back. we were good friends for 5 yrs, and whn i came to know he had hots for me, i started to avoid him and reduced talking to him. mainly because i dint like him/his family back ground much and found him bashful/possesive/etc etc. also, i was moving to another city for work and time flew. over a period fo time, after his persuation failed, he too got married and settled. this was before i got married (say 3 yrs back). that was the last we spoke. after i refused him, he has never forced/harassed/bothered me ever about anything. life has been cool. few months back he found me on facebook and since he has never been trouble, i too added him. now, 2 days back, he sent me a msg on the social networking site giving his number and asking me to call him as he was in my city for a week and we could atleast speak as its has been ages.

my Q: what should i do? my dh would definitely not like it if i spoke.. but i feel i owe to atleast talk to him on phone. esp for the good times we shared 5 yrs back... but im bit worried if thats wrong?? i have no confusion or feeling for that friend.. nor am i going to give him my phone number or even meet him. i have already decided that if i talk/call him, will say im going out of station for a week! and that my phone is in repair...

what do u guys suggest?

satchitananda · Jan 25, 2011

jhalli,

best would be to avoid any such contact. self preservation is the name of the game. he may not have any wrong intentions, but then who knows? as they say, better safe than sorry. you don't want any unpleasantness like unwanted calls ....

just reply on the site saying you are not in town when he is. end of story. don't call and don't give your number. hi and bye on networking site is good enough. no more contact is required.

Prettina · Jan 25, 2011

Hi

If your DH dislikes Why do you want to share your number??That 5 yrs of friendship is past now would you like to renew again???
If your friendship with him will nto cause any problem to your and his personal life then you can talk to him,.

justanothergirl · Jan 25, 2011

When in doubt don't do it. From ur post I think u have more to lose than gain by talking to him.Ideally u should have had the freedom to call a friend home for a cup of tea with ur family..but ur husband is possessive , so thats ruled out.Urs is a love marriage and u probably were aware of it and have accepted it. U seem to hv a good marriage going.. don't jeopardize it esp since the guy had feelings for u .

sanjeevni · Jan 25, 2011

First option - tell your hubby everything - whatever you have told us. He will appreciate that you care enough for his likes and dislikes and if he is a reasonable man, will not have any problem, This will increase his faith in you.

Second option - just do what you planned initially - tell your friend that you are out these days and/or the ph is in disrepair.

I would suggest either way, take your husband into confidence. It is probably good in the long term.

anukv · Jan 25, 2011

better dont call and dont create chaos in ur peaceful life.
good luck

sita2223 · Jan 25, 2011

jhalli27 said: ↑

but im bit worried if thats wrong??
what do u guys suggest?
Click to expand...

If you feel the need to hide the call from your H, then you might be wrong.
If not, then you are not wrong.

blackbeauty84 · Jan 25, 2011

If you think your DH will not be comfortable then don't call. Keep it at online level or explore whether it's possible to do a voice chat.

jhalli27 · Jan 25, 2011

thank you all for the quick replies... .

well, like i mentioned, im very clear that im not going to give him my number. nor am i going to meet him in any case.

worried only for IF (or WHEN) dh finds out. about telling him - he 'might' feel better to know that i told him. but i know for sure he will get wild even at me 'mentioning' any other guy. and un necessarily that will plant a seed of doubt in dh's head. even though i have no plans of meeting that friend, dh will take out this topic and hurl abuses when we argue or anytime he feels like. so i feel its a case of 'what you do not know, cannot hurt you'...

but at times i feel - why should i be scared to casually talk to a friend? just because he is a guy? what if it was a girl?

i know in my heart and mind there is nothing wrong. and i have a wonderful life with lovely kid and dh and in laws. so dont i trust myself to handle such a small situation? or should i get so worked up for just having a casual 5 mins talk to an old friend??

satchitananda · Jan 25, 2011

jhalli dear, you may trust yourself, but fact of the matter is that this a guy who once was interested in you. are you 200% sure this guy will not interpret your openness as your interest and start pestering you? do you want to take that risk?