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Talking About Birds and Bees to My Child

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Moumita1, Aug 8, 2011.

  1. Moumita1

    Moumita1 Silver IL'ite

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    My ten year old daughter, the other day, came up to me and asked, ‘Mama, what is rape?’ I gulped and looked here and there and prayed to God desperately that He grants me the wisdom and strength to offer my child an honest explanation, an explanation that will not work at eating away her precious innocence.

    I have always thought that telling your child the truth about life is the best way to equip her with the strength to deal with realities of life. So as she read fairy tales she also knew fairies are imagination, that there are homeless children in this world who stays on the streets, and peace is rather fragile in the world which breaks into a war at a drop of hat, rather than the norm. Ways of the world are pretty easy to explain, and it’s possible to tell the truth as much as possible. Its only when I have to explain the birds and bees to my child I find myself tongue-tied and somewhat fumbling my way through. Being born in the seventies, and raised by pretty conservative parents, when nineties came, we had considered ourselves to be very daring and broken quite a few rules of our times as we went to college and for higher studies, I have always considered myself to be modern mom, who plays with her children and talks to them like a friend. I pride myself in knowing that my child comes to me to assuage all her doubts, that I have a relationship with her that makes her feel safe to ask all sorts of questions about life, things I could never ask my mom. And yet when it comes to explain nitty-gritty of a physical relationship between a boy and a girl, I find myself at loss for the right words. Isn’t ten too young to be asking such questions, the mom in me thinks.

    Oh yes, the times have changed. Our children are growing up faster than we’d like them to. More and more teens are becoming experimental with drugs, sex and life in general. I recently had read an Outlook article on how teens are open to physical relations from as early ages as 14 years. There isn’t seem to be much of an age difference between 10 and 15 years now, given how quickly last ten years has passed for me. As a mother, I am worried, for this generation of children, I know, are very casual in their attitude and have a different set of morals than we had at this age. Missing school is no big deal for them, nor is telling a lie to avoid a punishment. So I cannot probably be an ostrich mom and hide my head in sand, telling myself that my daughter will not experiment, cause I have raised her to be different. I am sure every mom thinks like that. So may be its time to face the truth, may be its time we put our faith on the truth and hand it over to our children, and allow them to decide how to deal with it.

    I don’t know if my child’s school will have sex education classes or not. In India it’s pretty rare for any school to offer such information. I am seriously toying with the idea of telling her what’s what, clearing her innocent doubts about physical relationships once and for all. I know it’s better the information comes from me, that any half-cooked ideas she’ll get later from her friends. And still I can’t seem to decide. Isn’t ten a little too early to discuss such things? But if I delay will it be too late? I am still debating on it, I guess.
     
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  2. nihasvin

    nihasvin Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Moumitha,A very good article..I even wonder what would happen when my little baby grows up and starts reading newspapers.We subscribe to a leading newspaper (clue:clock) and they have 'to be censored images' in the main and supplementary issues as well..I am a avid newspaper reader and i dont remember papers carrying such images and news when i was in school..As u said,it is better to explain them wat is wat before they learn it from media and friends.
     
  3. sreemanavaneeth

    sreemanavaneeth Gold IL'ite

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    Hai friend,

    Be clear with your daughter.Let her not have half baked information as you have mentikned. Now a days girls are very knowledgeable in all areas particularly in this part. I used to advise my daughter always whatever doubts pls be frank with me. Do not cross your limit. Now you are a teenage girl ( she is doing her +2) your aim to achieve your goal in your academic career alone. Studying in a girls school always will bring more problems and unnecessary talks. I can understand your feelings and the emotions which your mind is undergoing. Explain automatically the pros and cons of the topic well be understand by them.
     
  4. shashiv

    shashiv Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Moumitha,

    A very good article. Be frank with your daughter. Once they are exposed to outside world like schools, colleages...they will heed to your explainations and be extra careful.


    Shanti
     
  5. Moumita1

    Moumita1 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Shanti.

    Thanks for your comment. In this day and age, its not easy to be a good parent, as often we have to do things which otherwise we will not do. I guess discussing physical relationships with ten-year old is one such subject. I am still cringing thinking what will I say.
     
  6. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    moumita,

    a good article..and i have read the outlook article and the follow up comments, articles and more too.
    that is a real tricky issue to talk about the bees and birds..but guess what with the exposure, they have a half baked knowledge..it is better either we talk to them or get them a book that deals with it in a sensible way.check out the parenting forums..we are discussing it.

    even a simple hotmail account sometimes carries such **** stuff on the side bars..or the zapak or any gaming site carries some links to **** sites on the sidelines..i feel let me educate my child on the ways of the world rather than them going and finding out through some other source which could be misleading too..

    give yourself a year or so.. you will do it.. all the best..
     

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