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Taking charge of my life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by brindhamahesh, Apr 22, 2012.

  1. brindhamahesh

    brindhamahesh Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,
    I have been a silent observer of the forum for a long time. I am glad to have find such good and kind hearted people like you guys. Kudos to you for all your good work.

    I have decided to take charge of my life from now on and steer myself away from the self destructive path I have been on. I have been married for more than 7 years now. I have two beautiful angels as kids. However my DH is totally different story. In simple words he is sadistic, manipulative, controlling and just cruel.

    You can ask why I stick in that marriage if I feel that way. I can give you many reasons, like my kids, my parents ,society etc. But the truth is I am a coward. I have no self confidence. I am afraid to face it alone. I am just finding reasons to stay rather than put an end to this torture.

    My DH very well knows all my insecurities and weaknesses. He uses them very wisely. He will stop talking to me after hitting me. He will ignore me. Will leave me in the dark about even things like taking care of kids priorities. I
    wouldn't know what to do. In fear of not being able to handle everything on my own I will go to him, say sorry and plead him to talk to me again.
    If I ask him why he is treating me badly he would say that I asked for it. He is treating me much better than I deserve. He will call me names in front of the kids. He will say that I have to be thrashed if he doesn't like what I say or do.

    I just put with all this so long and it is affecting even my professional life. I am losing confidence in doing in work. I am always scared, worried. I am afraid to stand up to an unreasonable boss because I don't want lose the job and to depend on him for even groceries. beleive me before I got the job it was worse. He will only give me little money to buy food and if I ask for more he will ask me to account for every penny . I thought things will get better after I get a job but not so much.

    As long as I am scared of this bully I am going to be bullied by every other bully. So at this point I am sick of my own cowardice and stupidity. If I don't change now I never will. I think even my kids wont respect me as a mother. Either my kids will turn in to bullies or be victims like their mother. I have decided to start doing things both personally and professionally for me to get out of the situation.

    First I am going to do things that will get me a good paying job so I can take care of me and my kids without his financial help. Right now it is not possible.
    I am going to avoid arguments and just concentrate on the well being of my kids, my parents and myself. when he is fighting with me or insulting me I am just going to move from that place and stop reacting. May be I will just turn a deaf ear as much as I can. Most important of all I have grow a back bone and stop grovelling .

    dear friends and sisters I ask for your prayers and thoughts in my journey so I can get self confidence and be brave and show my kids that you don't have to hurt yourself or let any one to hurt you. You can make your own destiny!!

    Thanks for listening.
     
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  2. mithuna76

    mithuna76 Senior IL'ite

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    hi brindha
    i will definetly keep you in my prayers. am really sorry for your situation.
    take care and be happy
     
  3. kAlyaniShAnti

    kAlyaniShAnti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Brinda,
    The sample of incidents you have brought up are the core traits of
    person. Nothing else. Somehow you have been able to put up with all these nonsense for years together. That certainly deserves a big applause.

    You have now identified what you should do. Just go ahead with strong mind. But never expect that your strong behaviour to his misdeeds or your indifference will ever bring any change in his attitude. That is possibly rarest of the rare things which may happen. So do whatever as a brave and focussed woman you can, without any expectations.

    My sincere prayers for you and your kids. Love and hugs
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. SANL

    SANL Silver IL'ite

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    Dear BRINDHA,

    will surely remember you in prayers, you and your kids will be blessed..

    take care

    regards
    Soumya
     
  5. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Brindha,

    Will keep you in my prayers.

    I already see you being confident and trying to take charge of your life. The road will be tough. But keep this up and you will earn back everything you wanted: self-respect, confidence, good career.

    Good luck to you dear..
     
  6. harina

    harina Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Brinda,
    Dont look back and gain confidence in what you want to do.
    You have decided to be on your own.... good luck and will pray for you...
    Harina
     
  7. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP
    By flushing all out of your mind not only have you earned a bit more of your inner peace but also earned the respect of most of us here in IL. While none of us here directly/indirectly add fuel to the fire, we definitely stand up for women who have to suffer abuse for no major fault of theirs! What are the reasons that he picks up fights for?.... most likely might be to cover up his flaws. A control freak he is, or else would he demand an account for the money you spend on yourself or the house hold.
    You are correct, this environment will not be sending the right radars to their little brains.
    Be assured of my prayers, and remember if you have decided to emerge a winner, nobody...whosoever can stop you!
    Mega
     
  8. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Good luck,OP.Keep up the determination always.
     
  9. kylie

    kylie Gold IL'ite

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    dear Brindha,

    You r one brave lady n certainly deserve a round of applause. Your story is inspirational to so many of the women who suffer silently but are afraid to do anything due to family/social pressures. We shall all keep u in our prayers.

    love,
    kylie
     
  10. brindhamahesh

    brindhamahesh Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you guys. I appreciate all your support. Will keep you updated of my situation every now and then.
     

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