Taboo Tales

Balajee · Jun 1, 2017

TABOO TALES

The attack on students of Chennai IIT for organising a beef eating fest to counter the central government’s ban on sale of cattle for slaughter rudely woke me up to the fact that I have been living surrounded by taboos since childhood but never thought that violation of taboos could invite violent reprisals as the students were bashed up by goons for that. And the students were arrested and not the goons when they protested.

The first taboo I encountered was as a child was fish. A fishmonger would visit our building regularly to supply the mallu family living upstairs and they just made ny mouth water (This love affair still continues), When I suggested to mom that we should buy fish I got a spanking for offending her TamBrahm sensibilities.

But her TamBrahm sensibilities were not offended when she popped cod liver oil capsules into her mouth or force fed her screaming , protesting son (that’s me) with a foul smelling shark liver oil tonic to make al allegedly skinny me (haha I already looked like a baby walrus) put on some weight. Her logic was the capsules and the tonic were medicines and not food (I wonder if she would have downed a beef steak if told that it should be consumed as medicine).

The taboo number two was onions and garlic. The two taboo veggies were offr meny on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Tuesdays were dedicated to Hanuman and it seems that he wasn’t very fond of them. I wonder why did a simian bother about the two veggies which any way were not on his kind’s menu. Did he hover over every plate to see whether people were consuming the two sinful veggies? Didn’t he have anything else to do?

Saturday was of course the day of lord Saturn aka Shanidev, another enemy of the two veggies. You gotta be careful with him, mom warned me. His one malevolent glance could bring in woes unlimited.

All this awakened the rebel in me. When I went abroad for study I unleashed my tastebuds and ate every taboo item to my heart’s content I particularly went weak in the knee o Fridays when my university cafeteria served, fish..

Even now when I often take over the kitchen on Saturday, I make it a point to add onions and garlic to whatever I am cooking. Once, a nosey parker relative of mine barged into the kitchen and saw me frying onions . “How can you cook onions?” she demanded in a state of shock.

“Simple add a bit of oil to the pan. Add sliced or chopped onions and fry until translucent or brown dependin g on your need”

No how can you cook them on a Saturday” asked the irritated lady.

“The same way as I cook them on any other day”.

She told me I was committing a sin. “Paap chadega” she said threateningly Now paap chadega in Hindi means literally that “sin will climb on you”but the real meaning is “Your account in the Bank of Bad Karma will become fatter”. I told the lady that if Paap wanted to climb on me then it would be at its own risk. If paap slipped and fell and broke a couple of bones I shouldn’t be held accountable.

“Paap doesn’t have bones” said the lady with the air of someone who intimately knows Paap’s anatomy and left in a huff.

Some relatives conned by ISKCON once dropped in and told us to desisit from onions and garlic as they grew from the blood of cow. (Gorakshaks , please note. This lengthens your list of eminently lynchable people).Until they stayed with us we nodded obediently to their nonsense and celebrated their departure with onion pakodas.

Now looks like the taboo list has widened including my beloved aquatic creatures. A post on facebook tells me I should not eat fish because Lord Vishnu incarnated as fish and eating fish means eating God.

I burst into rapturous tears of joy on reading this. Oh God! How long has my alimentary canal been in holy communion with you without even my knowing. My belly has been having darshan of the almighty in the form of god curry oops sorry fish curry, fish tikka, fish fingers etc. No wonder I felt so spiritual after eating fish! The good lord had made my tummy his temple! Now how dare you tell me I have to forgo this great spiritual experience! You must be an (All expletives deleted LEST MODERATORS REPLACE THEM WITH STRS) ) atheist!!!!!!!

satchitananda · Jun 1, 2017

Balajee, when I was a kid, my neighbours used to buy pomphret every Sunday. A fishmonger would come along on his bicycle and sell them outside the gate. I was fascinated by the sight of the fish. I would park myself promptly on the window sill and watch the proceedings. One day I demanded of my mom that we should also buy fish and eat. She said 'yuck' or something to that effect. When I asked how our neighbours ate it, she quickly changed tack, clever woman that she was. She was worried I might go and tell them that it is yuck and my mother said so! So she told me that the fish were living creatures. How would I like it if someone killed me to eat me up or did the same with my parents or sister? That was it. I did not have any argument against that and to this day, I can't think of eating anything that moves on its own. So effective was it that once when I was wondering what fish tasted like, she said she'd request our neighbour to call me when they made it and I could taste it outside the house. The offer was firmly turned down. I did not want any fish cursing me for killing its parents, siblings, other kith and kin.

Viswamitra · Jun 1, 2017

Dear Balajee,

I thought onion and garlic are not used on auspicious days as they are supposed to be triggering once libido and in order to remain thinking of God, those are avoided. I don't know who brought the idea that these two veggies are made out of cow's blood.

Avatars have come in many forms before incarnating in human form probably to give a message to the human beings that it takes a lot of effort to be a human being helping fellow species live peacefully in their habitat. It is perhaps to prove a point that divinity exists in every form.

When people argue that God exist in cow and fish, they are making a foolish argument that God doesn't exist anywhere else. It is lack of understanding.

It remains me of a story of a young Muslim boy wanting to go to Mecca. He saved money to join a group and requested the leader of the group to take him to Mecca. He agreed but said to him that he needs to comply with austerities practiced by the group. After journeying for a day, they all rested and the leader told everyone, "Please don't keep your legs towards the direction of the Lord (meaning Mecca)". The young Muslim boy asked, "Can you please let me know where Allah doesn't exist so that I can keep my legs in that direction?"

Viswa

satchitananda · Jun 1, 2017

I don't know who brought the idea that these two veggies are made out of cow's blood.
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Sorry to intrude, Balajee. Viswa, this was the bright idea of members of one of our political parties. All I can say to this is 'silly cows'. Or I shouldn't say that. It is an insult to those poor cows who are facing the music of certain decisions that have been taken.

Balajee · Jun 1, 2017

satchitananda said: ↑

Balajee, when I was a kid, my neighbours used to buy pomphret every Sunday. A fishmonger would come along on his bicycle and sell them outside the gate. I was fascinated by the sight of the fish. I would park myself promptly on the window sill and watch the proceedings. One day I demanded of my mom that we should also buy fish and eat. She said 'yuck' or something to that effect. When I asked how our neighbours ate it, she quickly changed tack, clever woman that she was. She was worried I might go and tell them that it is yuck and my mother said so! So she told me that the fish were living creatures. How would I like it if someone killed me to eat me up or did the same with my parents or sister? That was it. I did not have any argument against that and to this day, I can't think of eating anything that moves on its own. So effective was it that once when I was wondering what fish tasted like, she said she'd request our neighbour to call me when they made it and I could taste it outside the house. The offer was firmly turned down. I did not want any fish cursing me for killing its parents, siblings, other kith and kin.
Click to expand...

Too bad your mom's diplomacy deprived you of the pleasure of sinking your teeth into the dainty flesh of pomfret.. You don't know what you have missed! Had your mother been like mine showing anger and outrage instead of tact , you too would have loved pomfret ( In your plate that is not just freely swimming in the sea).

Balajee · Jun 1, 2017

Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear Balajee,

I thought onion and garlic are not used on auspicious days as they are supposed to be triggering once libido and in order to remain thinking of God, those are avoided. I don't know who brought the idea that these two veggies are made out of cow's blood.

Avatars have come in many forms before incarnating in human form probably to give a message to the human beings that it takes a lot of effort to be a human being helping fellow species live peacefully in their habitat. It is perhaps to prove a point that divinity exists in every form.

When people argue that God exist in cow and fish, they are making a foolish argument that God doesn't exist anywhere else. It is lack of understanding.

It remains me of a story of a young Muslim boy wanting to go to Mecca. He saved money to join a group and requested the leader of the group to take him to Mecca. He agreed but said to him that he needs to comply with austerities practiced by the group. After journeying for a day, they all rested and the leader told everyone, "Please don't keep your legs towards the direction of the Lord (meaning Mecca)". The young Muslim boy asked, "Can you please let me know where Allah doesn't exist so that I can keep my legs in that direction?"

Viswa
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Viswa I am seriously thinking of playing Narad Muni with gorakshaks by telling them that eating goat meat is a sin too, as goat is the vehicle of Agni God of fire. I'll blame all fire mishaps on people eating goat meat like some Hindu fundamentalists blame earthquakes on mother Earth shaking with anger over cow slaughter. If they pick up that point it is going to be fun.. I wouldn't be surprised if that happens.

Balajee · Jun 1, 2017

satchitananda said: ↑

Sorry to intrude, Balajee. Viswa, this was the bright idea of members of one of our political parties. All I can say to this is 'silly cows'. Or I shouldn't say that. It is an insult to those poor cows who are facing the music of certain decisions that have been taken.
Click to expand...

Satchi ISKCN would sue you for that!!!!!! It was their invention oops sorry discovery that onions and garlic grew out of cow's blood. Too bad they didin't get a Nobel for that earthshaking botanical discovery.

sokanasanah · Jun 1, 2017

In case this hasn't been pointed out already, India is the largest exporter of beef.

If I were an advisor to the BJP/Modi, I would recommend heavy investment in stem-cell derived meat products otherwise known as lab-grown meat, soon to be a multi-billion dollar industry. The Hindus are happy, the entrepreneurs are happy, the carnivores are happy, the banks are happy, the investors are happy - plus tree hugging wuss-es like me, who cannot stand to see a poor fish flop about when it's hauled in, are happy. (I've been fishing many a time, which in S-speak means that I lounge about on the boat luxuriating - yes @satchitananda, it is indeed a word! - in the sunshine, while my companions cast lures and kill da fishies). And, don't forget, no addition of methane from cattle flatulence, leading to global warming!

I think those IIT students would do better to start Indi-Beef Ltd and protest productively - eating, anyone can do.

The future will be full of lab-grown meat - Gizmodo

satchitananda · Jun 1, 2017

Balajee said: ↑

Satchi ISKCN would sue you for that!!!!!! It was their invention oops sorry discovery that onions and garlic grew out of cow's blood. Too bad they didin't get a Nobel for that earthshaking botanical discovery.
Click to expand...

Oh sorry. That is a faux pas indeed. I gave the credit to the politicians. Now are the ISKCON going to sue me for calling them silly cows, or for saying I wouldn't insult cows by comparing the originator of this idea to them or because I gave the credit to the politicians. Please let me know what charges will be brought against me!

kkrish · Jun 1, 2017

Speaking of extremes one of my friends was scandalized that I used "varak" (silver) on sweets.
Preparing myself to listen to the negatives of using metal, I was stunned when he said that the metal is placed between layers of flesh to be beaten into the thin wafers.

I just gaped at this preposterous display of ignorance.

Where do they come up with these?