Sweet Corn Soup For Marital Bliss

sln · Oct 13, 2024

Sweet corn soup for marital Bliss

There is an increasing number of reports about murders linked to relationships between men and women. The reasons vary, including live-in relationships, doubts about fidelity, and disputes over property, among others. Simultaneously, social media is filled with articles on maintaining a happy relationship, often quoting Chanakya, the Bhagavad Gita, and even some popular monks. I thought I would join the conversation, having enjoyed enviable marital bliss for over forty years. The inspiration for this article is from half a dozen seniors who have celebrated Golden Jubilee of married life.

Mithila and I were complete opposites in taste and disposition, not to mention other differences. I am an extrovert, while she was an introvert. I can easily relate to anyone, but she was very selective. I am confident, whereas she was often diffident. The one thing we shared in common was a love for reading, though our choice of books was vastly different. She enjoyed historical novels and romantic stories, such as works by Jane Austen, Margaret Mitchell, and Emily Brontë. On the other hand, I preferred authors like A.J. Cronin, Alexandre Dumas, and Somerset Maugham. She enjoyed watching serials, which I could not stand. We were also both deeply religious. While I was completely engrossed in my work, often unaware of what was happening at home and with the children, we functioned more as partners and friends than as husband and wife. What bound us together was intellectual companionship.

Enough of my puranam. Let me share some of my thoughts on how to enjoy a happy married life—no pontification, just practical tips.

First and foremost is the acknowledgment that both partners are equals. There is no such thing as "this is a man's job" or "this is a woman's job." It’s a partnership of shared responsibilities.

Be your authentic self. Don’t try to project a different image, as it is unsustainable in the long term.

Look at your partner as a balance sheet, with assets and liabilities. Everyone has some baggage—ignore it and move forward.

Dealing with in-laws can be a significant friction point in the early stages of marriage. Discuss issues openly and resolve them. The common escape route, "They are old—how long are they going to live?" is no longer valid, as life expectancy has improved. It’s not uncommon to see people in their nineties who are still healthy. Retirement communities are also a viable option, depending on your budget.

Couples often quarrel over how to raise their children, and this becomes more pronounced as the children grow. Don't interrupt when one parent is disciplining the child; discuss the issue privately. I've seen many cases where the mother undermines the father, painting him as the villain.

Both partners should take equal responsibility for financial management and future planning. Don’t leave this solely to the man.

Lack of communication is the villain of the piece for break up of marriages. Men are often reluctant to face issues.If the maid is absent it is deemed to be a woman’s problem and not as the common problem.

Find common interests and build on them. Support each other’s personal growth. This requires spending time together, even if it’s something as simple as sharing a cup of tea. I admire young couples who spend half an hour every day sipping tea and laughing together.

When it comes to vacations, men and women often have different preferences. Men tend to enjoy exploring, while women might prefer to relax with a book or watch YouTube videos. Respect each other’s preferences and allow space for both.

Lastly, personal grooming and the physical relationship are important, especially for men. Don’t ignore these biological needs.

In a seminar on how to make someone happy every day, participants expressed that it was difficult. The professor suggested, “Why not start by telling your wife first thing in the morning that she looks beautiful and make her happy?” One participant humorously replied, “Not in the morning, but maybe in the evening!”

This article is written out of concern that while material comforts in married life have increased, emotional connection and intimacy are waning. Please forgive me if I have overstepped in any way.

RatnaMalliswari · Oct 19, 2024

sln said: ↑

Sweet corn soup for marital Bliss

There is an increasing number of reports about murders linked to relationships between men and women. The reasons vary, including live-in relationships, doubts about fidelity, and disputes over property, among others. Simultaneously, social media is filled with articles on maintaining a happy relationship, often quoting Chanakya, the Bhagavad Gita, and even some popular monks. I thought I would join the conversation, having enjoyed enviable marital bliss for over forty years. The inspiration for this article is from half a dozen seniors who have celebrated Golden Jubilee of married life.

Mithila and I were complete opposites in taste and disposition, not to mention other differences. I am an extrovert, while she was an introvert. I can easily relate to anyone, but she was very selective. I am confident, whereas she was often diffident. The one thing we shared in common was a love for reading, though our choice of books was vastly different. She enjoyed historical novels and romantic stories, such as works by Jane Austen, Margaret Mitchell, and Emily Brontë. On the other hand, I preferred authors like A.J. Cronin, Alexandre Dumas, and Somerset Maugham. She enjoyed watching serials, which I could not stand. We were also both deeply religious. While I was completely engrossed in my work, often unaware of what was happening at home and with the children, we functioned more as partners and friends than as husband and wife. What bound us together was intellectual companionship.

Enough of my puranam. Let me share some of my thoughts on how to enjoy a happy married life—no pontification, just practical tips.

First and foremost is the acknowledgment that both partners are equals. There is no such thing as "this is a man's job" or "this is a woman's job." It’s a partnership of shared responsibilities.

Be your authentic self. Don’t try to project a different image, as it is unsustainable in the long term.

Look at your partner as a balance sheet, with assets and liabilities. Everyone has some baggage—ignore it and move forward.

Dealing with in-laws can be a significant friction point in the early stages of marriage. Discuss issues openly and resolve them. The common escape route, "They are old—how long are they going to live?" is no longer valid, as life expectancy has improved. It’s not uncommon to see people in their nineties who are still healthy. Retirement communities are also a viable option, depending on your budget.

Couples often quarrel over how to raise their children, and this becomes more pronounced as the children grow. Don't interrupt when one parent is disciplining the child; discuss the issue privately. I've seen many cases where the mother undermines the father, painting him as the villain.

Both partners should take equal responsibility for financial management and future planning. Don’t leave this solely to the man.

Lack of communication is the villain of the piece for break up of marriages. Men are often reluctant to face issues.If the maid is absent it is deemed to be a woman’s problem and not as the common problem.

Find common interests and build on them. Support each other’s personal growth. This requires spending time together, even if it’s something as simple as sharing a cup of tea. I admire young couples who spend half an hour every day sipping tea and laughing together.

When it comes to vacations, men and women often have different preferences. Men tend to enjoy exploring, while women might prefer to relax with a book or watch YouTube videos. Respect each other’s preferences and allow space for both.

Lastly, personal grooming and the physical relationship are important, especially for men. Don’t ignore these biological needs.

In a seminar on how to make someone happy every day, participants expressed that it was difficult. The professor suggested, “Why not start by telling your wife first thing in the morning that she looks beautiful and make her happy?” One participant humorously replied, “Not in the morning, but maybe in the evening!”

This article is written out of concern that while material comforts in married life have increased, emotional connection and intimacy are waning. Please forgive me if I have overstepped in any way.
Click to expand...

Hello @ sln sir,
You raised a sensitive and important topic in your blog. I appreciate how you addressed the challenges and your tips for us.
I would like to add my view here:
My grandmother shared that in her time, about 25 to 30 people lived together in one household, forming a strong support network. In my father’s generation, family structures began to shrink, and now, in my generation, we’ve embraced nuclear families. The next generation often prefers living independently, which leads to a significant drawback: isolation.

Many couples today face challenges that can lead to separation, often navigating their issues without the support of extended family. Reconnecting with values such as sharing, caring, and mutual support could help strengthen relationships and mitigate this sense of isolation.

Regards
Ratna

sln · Oct 20, 2024

RatnaMalliswari said: ↑

Hello @ sln sir,
You raised a sensitive and important topic in your blog. I appreciate how you addressed the challenges and your tips for us.
I would like to add my view here:
My grandmother shared that in her time, about 25 to 30 people lived together in one household, forming a strong support network. In my father’s generation, family structures began to shrink, and now, in my generation, we’ve embraced nuclear families. The next generation often prefers living independently, which leads to a significant drawback: isolation.

Many couples today face challenges that can lead to separation, often navigating their issues without the support of extended family. Reconnecting with values such as sharing, caring, and mutual support could help strengthen relationships and mitigate this sense of isolation.

Regards
Ratna
Click to expand...

You are absolutely right.Nuclear family without support system is a big set back for checks and balances in sustaining a happy married life. Todays cousins don't know each other.When some one falls sick there is no one to help.Brothers and sisters help build up better understanding between husband and wife.In India marriages are between families and that system is getting edged out. Totally I conduced nine marriagesie 5 sisters,two daughters and two daughters of brothers.Imade sure that the boys had extended families.

Viswamitra · Oct 20, 2024

Dear SLN Sir,

Wonderful practical knowledge you have shared about achiving marital harmony! People from two different upbringing will never achive complete harmony is the first thing one should recognize and therefore, compromising on some differences and finding common interest play an important part. Even common interests evolve over a period of time. My wife liked autobiographies and fictional novels to begin with whereas my interest were more on the management and reading about national leaders and their leadership styles worldwide. Of late, my reading preference switched over to spiritual books whereas my wife switched to reading a lot of Vedic Scriptures and understanding the meaning of recitations she regularly does such as Mukha Panchasati, Lalitha Sahasranamam, Vishnu Sahasranamam, Devi Mahatmiyam, Rudram, Chamakkam, Soundarya Lahari, etc.

But we still explore some common interest in us such as eating a favorite food, watching favorite programs like Mahabharat, Jodha Akbar, visiting some interesting concerts, etc. It is interesting to read your title Sweet Corn Soup as that is the most favorite soup for both of us.

I feel marital relationship is like rail road and it travels together but keeps an equal distance so that life doesn't derail. Recognizes no individual's role is less important and both are respected equally. No matter what a third opinion is, the couple should decide to sort it out themselves. It is preferred not to have third opinion but if the couple live with others, third opinion is indispensable. When one does things for the family, it is best not to look for credit and do it with no expectations or no comparison as to who contributes more.

sln · Oct 20, 2024

Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear SLN Sir,

Wonderful practical knowledge you have shared about achiving marital harmony! People from two different upbringing will never achive complete harmony is the first thing one should recognize and therefore, compromising on some differences and finding common interest play an important part. Even common interests evolve over a period of time. My wife liked autobiographies and fictional novels to begin with whereas my interest were more on the management and reading about national leaders and their leadership styles worldwide. Of late, my reading preference switched over to spiritual books whereas my wife switched to reading a lot of Vedic Scriptures and understanding the meaning of recitations she regularly does such as Mukha Panchasati, Lalitha Sahasranamam, Vishnu Sahasranamam, Devi Mahatmiyam, Rudram, Chamakkam, Soundarya Lahari, etc.

But we still explore some common interest in us such as eating a favorite food, watching favorite programs like Mahabharat, Jodha Akbar, visiting some interesting concerts, etc. It is interesting to read your title Sweet Corn Soup as that is the most favorite soup for both of us.

I feel marital relationship is like rail road and it travels together but keeps an equal distance so that life doesn't derail. Recognizes no individual's role is less important and both are respected equally. No matter what a third opinion is, the couple should decide to sort it out themselves. It is preferred not to have third opinion but if the couple live with others, third opinion is indispensable. When one does things for the family, it is best not to look for credit and do it with no expectations or no comparison as to who contributes more.
Click to expand...

sln · Oct 20, 2024

What a meaningful value addition to my snippet. Recognising and fostering areas of common interest are invaluable in mutually happy relationship.Differences make life interesting and respecting differences lead to a healthy and happy relationship.
Regards
SLN