surname after marriage

Reading through the posts, I have seen varying replies. End of the day, taking on your husband's name is an individual choice. My mom did that, not out of choice or complusion, but simply because it seemed to be the norm. She used to use her maiden name in certain places, but when it came to applying for a passport, she chose my dad's name. (purely because it is easier than her maiden name which is quite long ) My mom-in-law on the other hand has not changed her name. She is very proud of the fact too. Her sisters havent too.. When it came to me, I was quite clear from the start that I would not change it, though my husband did talk to me about it once..My dad offered to change it officially when my dad-in-law said that it was upto me and my mom-in-law took up arms saying that she is your daughter and nothing can change it. (A statement she can use at will ). But the long and short of it, is no I have not changed my name. The only place where my name has been mentioned with my husband's as Mythili .... is on my sister's wedding invite when my thatha insisted..

My husband and I both considered taking the same surname (shortened versions of our names, Raman) but dropped it as we felt it might not go down well with the families. (We decided on that purely because it will make things easier here, what with both of us having long surnames...:hide We go round this in circles...I want my children to have my surname (or name) too..but that is when they arrive..A cousin of mine has given his wife's name along with his to his daughters. (this was at least 28 years ago)..

There are people (esp the inquistive aunts and uncles) who insist on knowing why I (or my sister) have not changed the maiden name to the married name, I simply answer that it is too complicated... as there is no point explaining things to them...

Mythili

 

So here's another question along the same lines: do people in India ever refer to wives by Mrs "Their husband's full name"? As in Mrs Joe Smith? I've never heard of this tradition back home, and honestly was quite taken aback when my husband's grandmother sent me a letter, addressed to "Mrs Husband's Full Name" rather than Mrs "My Own First Name" "My Husband's Surname". I first chalked it up to the generation, then was completely floored when his sister did the same a week later!!

 

Bittenkitten,

Yes it is something that is followed in India. I think it is a relic from the British days. Reading through the old classics, I have often come across the wives being addressed as 'Mrs. Husband's name' as in Mrs.Jack or Mrs.John. Though I think this was common from the second born son onwards. So the first born's wife would be Mrs.surname and the others would be Mrs.so and so. (This is my understanding, I have come across this in American novels too). But to answer your query, yes this is quite common. (for that matter I have come across older women in the UK address other women in the same way informally).

Mythili

 

Hey Mythili.
Thanks for the clarification. My husband's grandmother is Irish, so while I was surprised that what I've read about in Jane Austen novels still being practised, I certainly wasn't aware we still do this in India! Yeesh!

 

Hi BK,

Yep, you are correct. Jane Austen still holds good even today... :thumbsup I was talking about this to my grandfather (95, old school) and he says it is perfectly acceptable to do so... and there I was going on about male chauvinism. His reply to me was 'That was in those days, and if people still follow it, it means they are frightened to change :hide:. Why dont you start by getting your husband to say Mr.Mythili instead??' I could not help laughing... On that note, my husband does refer to himself as 'Mr.Mi' (my short name) to some of my friends and his too...

Mythili

 

well said:cheers