surname after marriage

coolcool · Apr 18, 2007

Hi all ILs,
Before marriage, our surname is our parents surname.
After marriage our surname changes to our husband surname.

In olden days, women were dependent on their parents before marriage and husband after marriage.

In my case, I got married on my 29th age. I was very happy that my surname was my dad's name & familyname. There is a meaning. I know how much my dad struggled to give me good education, good habbit, good health etc. Even for my marriage all the arrangements, marraige expense everything on my dad's head.

But what my hushad family did for me? Before marriage my dad was working for me. After marriage, I am working for my husband's family. I mean, as a slave, a maid, a cook, a lundry, childcare, etc etc. I am not even getting time to take care of myself.

I always have that in my mind. I think about this surname matter manytimes.

Now, after giving birth to a beautiful baby, my baby's surname is his dad's name and his familyname.(I wished my name should be there if his name is there in the child's surname)

What rights I have? When my MIL says "baby is patel's family, so, will be brave" I feel as if I am just get used to give birth to him with his family name.

Sometimes i think, we could have had only one name, the first name(+some number to be unique, Like SSN no. in USA.).

Hi ladies, Am I the only lady thinks like this or, any of u also thinking like this?
Pl. share yr views ILs.

sunkan · Apr 18, 2007

dear cool cool,
ur cent percent right, but i think woman themselves love to be known as so and so after marriage, but my sis has both her children having her name initial in their name, like for example her name is vidya, so the kids had janak v subramanian, so it is a matter of individual taste, u need to be specific abt what u want. and i dont think anyone should feel anything against such a nice issue, regards sunkan

abhatv · Apr 18, 2007

Hai,

My surname hasn't changed even after marriage. At times my husband expresses his desire to change my surname but he was not very particular. So I still have my family and my father's name as my surname. I don't think it has to be a big issue. Anyway it is not so in my family.

Regards,

Abha.

Pritirach · Apr 18, 2007

Hi
Ya i am also of the same opinion tht surnames should not change.But the biggest fool that i am.I changed it myself.I had t apply for the passport after marriage and had a short notice for it so had to run for everything , getting marriage certificate then applying for passport etc.The funny thing i am only person in my in-laws family to have done so.

My mother inlaw retired from a nationlised bank and worked her whole life with her maiden name. Even my two SIL's are still continuing and working with thier maiden names and surnames.But in our parents house(family )evryone has changed name officially also.So i was of the opinion that we should change it otherwise it would have legal or official problems in future .So fool that i was i did that stupid thing.

Your Post again made me go mad about my foolishness as all ladies at my inlaws house are proudly living with their maiden names and me ..................:icon_frown:
Priti

raginiprakash · Apr 18, 2007

Hi!

Well....when it comes to changing the surname after marriage, i've always had strong views on that. The prevalent custom of the girl changing her name after marriage has never appealed to me.

So....i had made up my mind that i would not change it after marriage & i haven't. My husband was broad minded & supported my view on this & i was lucky that no member in the family interfered.

I also feel that if there is family pressure to change the name, one can add the husband's family name to the already existing surname like most celebrities do, for example Madhuri Dixit Nene, Sonali Bendre Behl, etc. It's like having the cake & eating it too!!

When it comes to children too if u have family support u can add ur name provided it gels well. Hasn't well know film director Sanjay Bhansali added his mother's name to his since he feels she's sacrificed so much for him. His complete name is Sanjay Leela Bhansali.

I have seen in Muslims, if it's a boy the middle name is usually the father's or grandfather's & if it's a girl they add the mother's or grandmother's name.

So....one can change things according to one's wish & convenience.

Cheers!
Ragini.

sunitha · Apr 18, 2007

Mine is a little peculiar.After marriage,I did get a name change stamp on my existing passport,but the name on the passport still is my maiden name.So,when we came here,for all legal documents,credit cards etc,I gave my name as my married name but somehow there was a mismatch between my existing legal documents in India and the ones here.

Further,my SSN has my maiden name. So,to have a consistency everywhere,my husband got my name changed everywhere to my maiden name.:-D

puni88 · Apr 19, 2007

Hello,
My surname hasn't changed after my marriage.
We don't have that concept.
Just for the passport, we extended our Initials and that has become surname.
But I never changed my surname to husband's side.

Regards,
Punitha

padmaiyangar · Sep 23, 2007

Change of surname after marriage is now only adpoted by middle class families. when I worked as investigator to conduct socio-economics surveys in rural and towns , i found that the change of surname not at all in practice. I feel that in case of passport only the surname to changed otherwise it is not all required.

WE should not change the name or sur name after marriage and why do we loose our identy which used so far for the sake of wishes of inlaws

I have not changed my name and kept my family name also .
My full name runs as Tirumale ( Family name) ramaswamy ( Father Name) padmaiyangar

shyluramesh · Sep 24, 2007

Hi
Yes I agree with all the ladies that the surname should not be changed after marriage, mine was changed without my knowledege, my name prior to marriage was Shylaja Viswanathan, yes I was proud to have my fathers name as my surname because he was wonderful dad, he gave us everything in life but you wont belive my inlaws printed our reception cards as Ramesh and Shylaja Ramesh, they conducted the reception after one week of our wedding.
I really could not take it so easily because for the past 24 years I was known as shylaja viswanathan and suddenly this change, but may be we can accept it if we get all the love and affection from our husband and inlaws but in my case I regret this change.
SHYLU RAMESH

priyauc · Sep 24, 2007

hi coolcool,
i feel we women should maintain our identity by keeping our maiden names . in my case things happened so quickly after marriage, for the passport n documents etc i had to change my surname. But now i use my maiden as well as married family names which my father in law objects to, but its my identity , which i will not chjange or give up for anyone. our husnbands marry us with our parents` surname and we gain our identity, education values etc etc everything from our maiden names so why should we give it up......just because we are married. would our husbands change their name ....NEVER!!