Super Super Stressed..

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,969
    Likes Received:
    20,846
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    Problems are not imaginary..hard to deal when people are harsh around us.One needs to get stronger.I accept my fault..am Not strong enough
     
    Mehana, shravs3 and Sunshine04 like this.
  2. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    969
    Likes Received:
    1,429
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    As @nuss suggested, take the kid with you. She is in first grade, so it will be okay since she understands instructions. Give her fever medicine 30 minutes before driving.
    She might fall asleep, take the neck pillow for traveling, for her and tell the secretary that she will wait in the waiting area/ meeting room/ kitchen. Do not make fuss about her not feeling well.
    Find a good baby sitter, and hire her- for picking up your daughter. It might be not easy to find someone in one day. Get a good one. Some will drive and pickup/ drop/ take your daughter to activities and they are chatty. Your daughter will like it.
    Till you have lived the life of 'working outside home', you can't say for sure that you won't like it. Give it a chance and see how you feel complete. Your daughter will also benefit from it.
    Know that your husband won't help you, figure out other ways.
    Find paid help, not neighbors or friends.
    I have a friend, whose husband makes a lot of money in finance, they have two kids. She returned to work, at first one being 9 and second 5. Her husband's commute is very long and travels often. But he helps her! He interviewed the nannies, after putting the ad. Cleans dishes, and does other household work. Takes care of himself. Kids do take care of themselves. They take many vacations and take kids to activities and she seems like a woman who would still read to her children, or watch a good movie with family. Her husband did all this, even when she was not working- the help around the house, nannies for date night etc
    Just want to make a point- your husband is not doing everything in his power to make your life better. He gives priority to himself.
    Your daughter will have a wholesome childhood, even if you take the job now, stop thinking that she will suffer in some way. But you cannot work without a hired help/ baby sitter. Also, your husband has to be onboard with the idea of you working- however few hours.
     
    sindmani, Sunshine04 and anika987 like this.
  3. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    427
    Likes Received:
    530
    Trophy Points:
    175
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh my god Anika,if people are harsh about you not working,you be extra harsh to them and just ask them how is that your problem or ask them are you taking care of the monthly spendings of my family. Your problem is you Anika, not the people around you. Sorry if I am harsh.
     
    Sri2196, Sunshine04 and anika987 like this.
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,191
    Likes Received:
    7,008
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    I would not take a child to a job interview or prospective workplace, especially when they are not feeling well. They may not want the child to sit alone and unsupervised while you are occupied. Minor children are not allowed to remain alone in our institute, for example. And it does not create the most favorable impression as they will wonder what your childcare arrangement will be once you actually start working.
     
  5. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    427
    Likes Received:
    530
    Trophy Points:
    175
    Gender:
    Female
    BTW,if you really want to work,do it for yourself and not for the nosy people around you! As nuss said,if you really want to make something work, there will be a way always. Check for some good child care options and see if you can make it work.
     
    Sunshine04 and anika987 like this.
  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,969
    Likes Received:
    20,846
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    Okay I have one question..

    The school had called me today to take my child back home as she has fever.I went there by 11 am and picked her up and she is home with me now..

    My job where am going to is 45 mts in traffic and 30 minutes without traffic..according to google and when I checked.

    My hubby commute to office is one hour 20 minutes and so he won’t be there for emergency situations.

    The office says I don’t have any remote access in this job and have to be reliable and in person.

    So tomorrow if these situation occurs..How will I manage? The school has many half days,closing days etc..

    My pay is not great enough to afford nanny it before/aftercare.Plus the travel gas charges etc..

    The timings seem quite fine with this job but hubby leave at 6 .30 am and returns late.He is not against me in working or saying he won’t help but he stresses to wait till middle school and am scared of the long gap.


    all my neighbors are working and but I see one of them work from home or husband works nearby.

    Anyways..when two people work far off,in my situation when it comes to emergency situations with kids or off days and spring breaks etc..how does one deal?

    I have worked before kids but how does one do with kids?
     
  7. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    969
    Likes Received:
    1,429
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    You will have to pick kid in emergency. You will have to tell your manager and say that you have to leave since the school called you about an emergency. Nurse will keep the kid till you reach there, even in traffic.
    If your sitter is not on the list of people that the school has "as the sage people to pick up kid", she will not be allowed to pick her up. In any case, in emergency you will have to go to school. It happens to everyone.
    Do not think of all the difficult situation, you will encounter. Be good at work, when you are there. During snow days, you get your sitter ahead of time. You will have vacations, that you can use for some school off days. If you absolutely cannot go in snow, then you don't go. It is okay to say that you are snowed in. Are you the one opening the building, if not, you are fine.
    You cannot tackle any/all hypothetical situation now- even before starting the job. Sitter will agree to 10-15/hr or a lil cheaper for whole work day ~9/8/hr and lil more for evening hrs/ last minute things
     
    sindmani and anika987 like this.
  8. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    427
    Likes Received:
    530
    Trophy Points:
    175
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear,
    Your husband leave home by 6.30 AM.He works until late,has a stressful job and 1 hour commute. Pretty tiresome schedule.No wonder he says you wait until kid going to middle school.He has a point there.

    Ok what are your other options,any close relatives or understanding friends nearby to help you with urgent pickup from school etc? Or even a trustworthy person whom you can pay? Talk to your neighbors and ask about their child care options.. It is going to be hectic at first.Slowly you may come into routine.. But somethings are going to suffer, for example you may not be able to pack 3 hot meals for husband as you are doing now.

    Also please understand these people you are worrying about now,in future their questions will be about your salary,same people may even dare to ask why are you working,your kid is still small etc etc.. It never ends Anika.. Please weigh all options and do what is the absolute best for yourself and family..Best wishes :)
     
    anika987 likes this.
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,191
    Likes Received:
    7,008
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    The only way to do this is to have reliable backup childcare. All dual-working parents I know either trade taking days off when they have to keep kids home. Or they line up babysitters, family members or backup childcare services. There is no other way around it.
     
    Sri2196 and anika987 like this.
  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,969
    Likes Received:
    20,846
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    Hmm..this seems like a problem..
    My husband takes zero care of his health.Already with his sleep is bad coz of his work timings and his health had taken a toll..

    He had put on lot of weight and has border line pressure and tryglecerine levels have spiked..

    Since,I take care of his meals..things are in control and he has lost weight..am also worried for his health.He is in mid forties and time to really take care of health..

    My problems may seem trivial but it’s important to take care of health..
     

Share This Page