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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by myths, Jun 10, 2019.

  1. myths

    myths Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I have been married for 3.5 years and have 2.5 years old kid. Working in IT sector in Chennai. During wedding, my husband was working as chef, after 4 months of marriage, came to know that, he was not working in any place and left job. This was his habit it seems. He is alcoholic and have the habit of using HANS. I have talked with his father regarding this at that time, he said he will take care of his son. Later, his father opened one automobile spare parts selling shop and asked his. Son to sit in it. I objected that, since he. Was a chef, at least a hotel can be opened. But their family won't listen to anyone generally. My husband black mailed me in multiple ways by hitting and using abusive words to get loans and he pledged my 50 sovereign of gold also. Loan amount was around 10 lakhs. I was fearing badly , not able to tolerate his behaviour like spitting on face, hitting my head on wall. Many times complained to his father, next 2 days things will be little OK., after that he will beat for complaining to his father also. I don't have any brother and. No father. My son is growing with my. Mom and I take him only on week. Ends to my place where me and my husband living. Before 10days, he took. My son on evening to our home and drunken and slept. Since he was not picking call, I asked my younger sister to visit . She saw, my son was standing near gate and crying and saw my husband was sleeping without conscious. She took my son to mom's place. My husband woke up late and called me, saying someone kidnapped baby, he is not available. There was no regret for Losing child In his words,. I was coming back from office at that time. He was threatening to kill me after I said baby is safe. He shows as good guy face to everyone, since my sister saw him. In drunken state, he was much angry. I know at that time, going home is. Not safe to me and I called in laws to control their son. But they said, we can talk tomorrow morning, feeling sleepy. I went to mom's place that day with the fear of getting beaten up. I have beared all the harrasment just for my child, but travelling in 2 wheeler and staying with alcoholic person is dangerous to his life. So want to decide which is safe for his future. My relatives called his dad to have discussion, that guy was saying, my son didn't borrowed any. Money through your daughter and he was not having alcohol habit before wedding. That girl only. Compelled my son to drink and made him like this. Full of false statements, also saying I am Having affair in office. He is not ready for discussion. Now they want me to Quit my job(which is my only financial source), and have to stay with them. His son will not work, so in-laws will give some Money forFood and shelter. We know, that is also lie only. I am a M. S graduate, my mother in law and sister in-law were already treating me like slaves when ever I visit. There is no safety for me and son in their house. They are kind of rowdy family. I have to pay the loan amount which they enjoyed. I know, I am a fool to lend this much money for not worthy person. But, didn't expected this much of lies from them. Now, they want my son, just to threaten me. We have locked up house all day to save him from them. What kind of steps I can take on them, is it possible to have full custody of child , is it possible to recover any of my jewel which is in their home. Please suggest.
     
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  2. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    on my god ! Please leave this mess...get separated and live peacefully.

    easier to say i know but trust me easier to do as well compared to what are you ging through!

    lots of strength to you.record all his deeds for future purpose. involve police.
     
    Amica likes this.
  3. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    OP, Your husband is not a responsible father to your son financially or otherwise, then why continue this marriage? Record the abuses and show it to police. Your child need a safe and peacefull environment while growing up. Can you assure that living with this kind of irresponsible crowd. I would say, don't waste your time trying to change him, he is not a kid or ur reponsiblity. Better live separately, continue your job, and don't get pregnant again. If you get any onsite job, accept it and take your parent with you.
     
  4. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    You need to have the proof of his wrong doings like some video recording to make your case strong.
     
  5. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Gold IL'ite

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    Can you recover ur jewellery slyly n go to a place where u and ur kiddo can b safe. You can then file a case of abuse and apply for divorce. You will not have ny mental peace and trust me ur work will get affected badly too. If u dont take action soon whatever is left of u mentally n physically will fall apart and trust me that wont do any good for u or ur baby. Just leave everything go a safe city or other country rebuild ur life again.
     
  6. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

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    If you dont know what to do in this situation, you must be crazy.

    Keep your job, go back to your home or rent a home and leave him. This is not going to get any better. Give police complaint if he tries to contact you or comes to your workplace and creates problem.

    This guy and his family are never going to give you any happiness. Better run for your life.
     
  7. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Run girl, run for your life. He is a lier, abuser, alcoholic , irresponsible father and what not . They are simply using you. Don't you want to be alive.

    Separate or file for divorce. Never quit your job. (do you want to be their slave?)

    File police complaint if its needed. Consult a lawyer too. I think you get get custody as kid is small and you can take care of him well than his father. Collect evidence to prove his abuse if any.

    If you continue like this, you will be responsible for ruining your own life.

    Wishing you strength and courage to face this situation. Be safe

    How To Find Domestic Violence Counselling, Helplines And Support In India (help line for domestic violence)
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2019
    priyajagadeesh likes this.
  8. jananrems

    jananrems New IL'ite

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    Find an advocate ASAP get divorce move on that 10 lakhs is nothing you can earn it back easily but you cant get your precious time back
     
  9. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a danger to your son n yourself. Good you called your sister n she found your son that day, what if a child kidnapper crossed by or the kid wandered off or something happened on the road?

    His family can’t help you as it’s beyond their control now. No matter what they say, he’s not going to listen. It’s past that stage now. The part where you called them for help n they saying ‘see you tmrw as they are feeling sleepy’ jus proves that more. They are scared to deal with him in that drunken / angry state too. N Since they can’t control the situation it’s easier to put all the blame on you so they can escape from other people blaming them n be the good guys instead.

    Record his actions on your phone, maybe even get him to tell the truth about the loan n everything n record it. If possible, when he’s in a normal state about money matters.
    Approach a women’s police station n lodge a complaint. Or find a good lawyer who cares about women n abuse. You can demand for your jewellery that they have in their house through the divorce lawyer n loan amount money. It may not be easy but your lawyer n relatives has to intervene. Do this fast, jewellery maybe easy since it’s in their house. Don’t waste time or drag this problem for long.

    You n your child doesn’t deserve abuse. You seemed to have realized a lot of your mistakes in loaning n understand a lot about him n his family. That’s good.

    Now protect yourself n your child. If possible, get a job n move to another city or start looking for one right away.

    Please do not leave your job, looks like they are looking for a slave to control as it will be easier to control you with no salary, as you will be stuck even for food. This way you can never leave him or tell any other people. That’s what they want to do to control damage.

    Your child needs to be protected from his utter negligence n you, what if one day your head opens up when he hits your head to the wall..? What will happen to your child ? From what you have written, this situation may one day turn fatal. Save yourself n your child.
     
    Vaikuntha likes this.
  10. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    Journal everything
    File for divorce
    Separate and live near some family member of urs
    He will never change
     

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