Suggestion needed in this toughest situation.. hubby in abroad asking me to stay here

Re: Suggestion needed in this toughest situation.. hubby in abroad asking me to stay

Ideal would be all living together. But sometimes you got to do what you got to do.

Once you are there, he will have to think about independent apartment and your and kids insurance and within a year, your Ds will start school.
You want to be with him, you have to talk to him, and work it out. Try to convince him to move sooner.

I have seen families living separate for visa/financial/job/health reasons.I know its very tough.

About being bored, in India you stay at home but still you get to see at least few people - service, help, maintenance. And your kid might get friends kin neighborhood. In foreign, its even more difficult to find people.I think you just miss being there with him.

 

Re: Suggestion needed in this toughest situation.. hubby in abroad asking me to stay

Dear bhabhi

this is a brother intervening on behalf of IL friends.

What matters is, the husband-wife relationship. There should be no compromises in that.

The rest does not matter. You should be asking, 'i can't live without my husband', rather than asking 'my son need him'.

Apologies if this fledgling(@whatalife) overreached.

 

Re: Suggestion needed in this toughest situation.. hubby in abroad asking me to stay

Usually we are not bored at our home, because we have friends, relatives, family events etc. There is better social life than abroad. Being a joint family, your DS can play with his cousins as well. In most of the new generation families, where both husband and wife work, children spend most of their time in crush or with their grand parents. In your case, DS is lucky that he would get full attention and care from his grand parents, uncles, aunts and cousins.

What your DH says is true. If only one person is working, savings will be limited. Malaysia is a developed country and expenses are high compared to India. Being a
a house wife and you must co-operate with him. He suggests it only for short term.
Let him give some space to settle down. You must see things on a long term basis.

One of your concern is true. Such a separation can influence the bonding between DS and DH. But again, you take all these pain for the better future whole family. So you should be ready compromise on something. Majority of the NRI's compromise on many things when they stay abroad.

 

Re: Suggestion needed in this toughest situation.. hubby in abroad asking me to stay

Well, the best is to live together as family (you, H and the child) wherever you are. However, we are here to make compromises and adjustments to make our life more fruitful in the bigger picture.

I understand your H's POV. It completely depends on his salary and capacity. It sure costs more money to accommodate wife and a tiny child in Malaysia.
If his salary is moderate, and not so high... he might as well think about paying off the loan asap.
If everything between you and your husband seems fine otherwise, I would opt to wait another 18 months and properly settle well.
Rushing to Malaysia when he clearly uncertain about accommodating you will never be fruitful regardless of the fact that you live together. So, better learn more about this.

In the mean time, why do you think staying at mom's home is boring? That too for a year or so?

There are already 2 families living, plus many kids as well. Your son gets to mingle with his cousins, and your brothers can also take him out at the absence of his dad.

You can also get to learn a new thing, make new friends, try out some new recipes and what not?

Unless your relationship with brothers or their wife's are bad, I wouldn't agree with this boring stuff here.
Because the life in abroad, specially when you had to live with limited facilities will be too boring.

 

Re: Suggestion needed in this toughest situation.. hubby in abroad asking me to stay

Well as long as you and your hubby share great relationship and understanding between two of you , It's not too bad to live separately for few months. And you mentioned your hubby visits you every 6 months. Yes i know its essential for you, baby and DH to stay together as a family , but he wants you to stay in India for specific time and with very good reason behind it .

There can be some cons as well of you going to join your hubby in Malaysia like ,
1>Accommodating you and baby with your hubby's current income may not leave him with anything to pay off the loan you both want to clear off asap.
2>Its not easy in abroad with small baby. In India , there's so much help from family and friend's around which is essential with small baby .You should count yourself lucky you get to stay with your own parents. You feel bored because of your state of mind that you want to join your hubby , im sure. Which is completely understandable. But if you think about the positive of you staying in India until your hubby pays off the loan , you wont feel bored. Bond with baby, enjoy stay with your parents(you might not get to stay with the long term like this in future when you shift to Malaysia), there are so many things you can to keep yourself occupied like going to gym , yoga classes may be , learning something new , working on any hobby you may have, working on something to make yourself independent.

I will give you my example , when i was married i had 1 yr left to complete my engineering , i was back home , hubby wanted me to join him asap. He said i could continue my education here as he was so desperate for me to join him. I told him , 1 yr will pass soon , i cant compromise on my studies. I'm glad i took that decision. Because my career and independence has been best support system for me 10 yrs down the line. That 1 yr we were apart was the best married year of my life as we were so desperate to see each other (may be also because its was first yr of marriage).

So you should evaluate both pros and cons of your situation .

good luck dear .

 

Re: Suggestion needed in this toughest situation.. hubby in abroad asking me to stay

Discuss together peacefully. If the cost of living of the family is going to run into short fall of money to pay monthly EMI then you have to compromise.

if Saving in Malaysia without family going to help you down payment of house loan then it is money vs family. you could decide your priorities.

You discuss together come to common ground like
First 6 months you and your DS stay in India
Second 6 months live family together in Malaysia
Last 6 months again you and your DS stay in India

The last option also gives you an opportunity to experience how is the life in the abroad(developed countries). Living in developed countries teaches us some life lessons.

 

Re: Suggestion needed in this toughest situation.. hubby in abroad asking me to stay

I think you should stay in India for 6-8 months, let him accumulate money and office leaves, and then splurge on a vacation to go there for a few weeks, see the place, and come back to India.

If you are bored in India, in your mom's place, with so many relatives, easy public transport, and hobby options, then what are you going to do in Malaysia? "I mostly stay at home bored with my kid" will exactly be the situation there too.

I think it is in your hands to make your time interesting, and enriching for both yourself and your kid.

 

Re: Suggestion needed in this toughest situation.. hubby in abroad asking me to stay

Dear OP. Its better for you to stay in india. 18 months is not long period. Yes it would be expensive for ur husband and he will not be saving much, if you and your son both go to Malaysia. It was very thoughtful of ur husband saying he would come visit you and your son every 6 months.

We are in modern world. we have SKYPE, FACETIME. Whatsapp calling all different kinds of things that could make u and ur son close to ur DH. If u bear this pain now, your family will have a bright future ahead of u.

Instead showing ur love and support for Your DH. You are not supposed be a troubl/burden for him. You said your DH is not in good terms with your inlaws. In this case your husband needs that mental support . He will need love and affection from your side, so that he will be able to do his best in what he is doing in a foreign country. In our life's few things happen for a reason and you go with the reason and make ur life colorful with all the resources u have. Make ur son talk to ur dh on skype every day or every alternate day which ever is comfortable for ur DH.