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suffering from hectic schedules

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by saathi, Apr 24, 2010.

  1. saathi

    saathi New IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    my relationship is hurting due to both of our hectic schedules. we dont see each until 8.30pm or sometimes late like 10.30pm.... :(
    the conversation is limited to logistics and not love. both of us get so tired by the end of the day and out of tiredness, we get in arguments also.... :(

    My problem is -- we are going through a financial turmoil. So, cant afford to take a vacation. Can you suggest what to do?
    we both have a day off one day of the week -- but, 99% of the time, we end up in some argument due to each one of us wanting different things to relax...
    please help.
     
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  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Saathi

    What are the arguments about? chores? or each others work? or laziness? what are they about?

    Might be think about who does what during weekends. Come up with a plan or schedule on things to be done during the day off..and ask your husband what all is he interested in doing and you take up what you can do.

    Also see if you can hire some help like instead of buying groceries/veggies and cooking food, try to buy curries/rotis etc would save your time on cooking also would save gas and grocery shopping etc. you would have time to relax.

    Also try not to pick up all chores in one day that you get as a holiday...divide the chores..couple of them each holiday ...that way you both would get time to relax and also do one chore at a time without pushing each other to slog on a holiday too.
     
  3. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Last edited: Apr 24, 2010
  4. sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    Most fights are silly and about petty things. With your current realization I am wondering how you are not able to consciously avoid a fight. Try avoiding the next one. Have one if you believe the costs of peace are high but if it's about something petty let him win.


    Most decent people realize the easy win was in fact a gift and be grateful (in a very subtle way). it's possible that both of you feel it's not worth it to fight.


    Most fights are about ego. Now that you realize it's not fun, let him win a few and see if it helps!
     
  5. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    saathi me and my dh are working
    i work in morn shift and he works for night shifts..only time we see each other is in morn when he comes to drop me near my office max 30mins each day
    and we have only 1 common off
    earlier like you said we had issues and used to end up that weekend with petty fights mostly because of my in laws ..but now we learned our lesson
    both of us are trying to be as calm as we could and avoid any 3 rd person related fights atleast during the little hours we spend together
     
  6. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Same here. Hardly an hour a day and weekends are no different. My mantra: When things won't change, you change. :thumbsup Whatever little time we get, I make sure it is time well spent.

    When you have very little time to spend together, that is when you got to be extra careful to not waste it on arguments. It is like water when in Sahara. Before you even try out any strategies on how to get enough time, find out what words/actions sets you both off eventually ruining your current together time. Calm yourself when anything triggers you and keep your cool.

    If you have to go the extra mile to avoid an argument, by all means go for it. Your focus should be on having a good time and not whose turn is it to provide a good time.
     
  7. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Saathi,

    There is nothing that cannot be sorted or talked out. I suggest you to take some time out during off-day and speak it out in a calm manner over a cup of coffee. Remember you must try to discuss the issue and not blame each other. If he blames you, divert the conversation to the issues at hand.

    Am sure if handled coolly, there is nothing that can't be solved.
     
  8. Gooseberry

    Gooseberry Senior IL'ite

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    Saathi, Try things like eating out once in 2 weeks, going to nearby park or movie, window shopping or just walk to a nearby temple together and on the way you can catch up on each others work issues or other things bothering you and that way you feel you are spending time together. Sometimes, just sitting at home, across the table and trying to resolve issues doesn't work.
    And here in your case, since you already realized that any discussion is leading to argument so you are the best person to stop this from happening one more time.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2010
  9. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    I agree with Gooseberry , there.

    Thanks, Gooseberry! Yeah, Those are drawn by me. And yes one of the pics is me.. I shall leave that at it for your guessing. :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2010
  10. lotusgirl

    lotusgirl Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,
    We had a similar situation when we were in India. Both in IT, differnt companies, we met for dinner, slept & a hurried breakfast & then work.. we both loved going out, esp on our bike during the evenings.. So that was the way we dealt with it.. weekdays most days we didnt cook, but we both were ok with trying different food from outside.. so we got that added time instead of me in the kitchen and DH doing other stuff. i had a maid come in everyday, so no bother with the cleaning.
    Weekends we sort of had a routine.. but we had 2 days off too..

    My suggestion would be for you both to have a predictable routine for the next couple of mnths until you feel you have regained that lost spark.. decide on something common that you can do on the day off.. compromise even if thats not the first preference for you or him.. Talk to him about this and prioritise your daily/weekend routine so that you have time for both of you.. But am saying these with the idea that its just you two and no kids added to the equation..

    you dont have to take an expensive vacation.. just like you plan a vacation , plan the next few weeks.. do take outs, or do bulk cooking etc and reduce that part.. i am not saying each day would work out like you plan, there are days when we used to get fed up and end up with the usual quota of arguments too, but atleast you both know you would be trying? even though you both have different ways for relaxing, there might be something thats a good compromise?? do what 1 person likes 1 weekedn and the next weekend the other way?? talk it out.. tell how much this stress is affecting you and how you want to change that.. Your DH might be going to the exact same situation and having no clue how to sort it out must be worrying him more??

    Good luck...
     

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