Successful Marriage - Please rush in!!!

I like your DOs and DONTs list...though I personally do not follow so many of them and take things for granted.

 

Rena, this is a wonderful post. Thanks for posting your successful story here.

Nevertheless, it takes two to tango. I can see how nice your DH is to care you, understand you, share with you and listen to your talks. This is what a person need in a marriage. I am sure you must have been a wonderful wife too

The success is all about what do you expect from your partner. For example, I always wanted to stay at home and have a very normal career in India, so that I can live my marriage life happily, take care of my DH very well and have my kids at the right age. I used to be so caring, understanding, sharing, compromising, sacrifising and what not... But this didn't make my DH or his parents happy about me.

They expected me to work in Sudan with United Nations forever, and they felt bad and disapointed when I told them that I want to come back to India.

Money played a huge role before love and affection in my life. Though my DH is loving and caring... and he wanted a happy life with me in India, he failed to stand by my decisions against his parents.
He was simply carried away by his parents advises while I was away in Sudan.

Our 5 years of love, and my sacrifises/helps/supports etc...etc.. to my DH were simply faded out during my 1 year absence after my marriage (though i used to visit India once in two months, my ILs succeeded to win my DH's mind using my absense).

If I was asked to comment about my DH during 2004 - 2008, YES... I would have been written a wonderful post like yours, even a better one praising about my DH for his love and care. But life doesn't go smothly always.

I agree with Tridev 100%. There is no successful formula in any marriage. A twist can happen anytime in your life... It is unpredictable... few events are enough, which no one knows, but can change your life completely.

A friend of mine got married 2 years back to her best friend/lover. After marriage due to the interferences of her ILs and the ignorance of her DH, my friend attempted to commit to suicide. But fortunately her parents succeeded to save her life and gave her an option to chose her future. She badly wanted to divorce her DH, hence she chosed for temporary separation for 6 months while the case is ongoing.

This temporary separation has made the hearts grow fonder and they understood that it is not easy to forget each other. So, finally they have decided to reunite and living so happily now.

At the same time, I have read a story in this forum, about a 60 year old mother, who seriously thinking about divorce after successfully completing 30+ years of her marriage life.

Bottom line... Any thing can happen in our life... All what we need is some love and understanding from our spouse, and the rest is in God's hand.

Keep going well my dear

 

Thanks for your thoughts, I did read your story earlier too. Marriage is like a roller coaster rides, there are times one is happy, sad, remorseful, hurting, proud ,evertything... Even marriages that break they will have something positive to say about their spouses, but the chemistry of marriage is something very different, circumstances in life change, people change, time changes. Nothing is permanent.

 

Tugga this also reminds me of the saying " Hate you , love you, miss you"

Two people who live together fight all the time , when they seperate, they miss each other too, there is love too, the chemistry of marriage is strange, sometimes people give up and marry the second person, they realise that the first one was better.

 

Hi Rena, nice post. I like your list of do's and dont's. :thumbsup

My story - mine is a love marriage. I knew I was very lucky to have my husband :kiss as my best friend. But I didn't realize how lucky I was till I came across this forum. I believe I have a beautiful marriage and my success mantra is 'communication'.

A strong foundation is very important in a marriage. Mutual trust, respect, love, understanding are the major building blocks of the foundation. Open communication between a couple helps build this foundation. Once a strong foundation is built, there will not be any major issues between a DH and DW, not even ILs. This is my personal experience. :hatsoff

:iagreeRena... I believe that fights when dealt in a positive way, will actually help strengthen a relationship.

 

Hello Rena,

It was so good to read your story!!!
Hope it continues to be the same throughout..... its obvious that you are a wonderful wife too though you have not mentioned!

 

Hello Tridev,

I liked this thought of yours.:thumbsup

 

Reena congrats for your extended honeymoon period... hope it continues forever.
I agree to a lot of things that Tridev has mentioned...

Hey BTW I dint get the motive about invitation - "Please rush in!!! " is it valid foor life or till stock lasts & to whom?:crazy

 

TO the OP,

Its a lovely thread! The problems posted in IL everyday, really does surprise me about the number of ppl living in bad marriages, where they are not even treated in a civil manner forget with love and respect.
There is probably a bias here. Maybe people tent to post only when they have a problem rather than when allz well. That makes ur post all the more special, cause obviously a lot of people do have great marriages and live happy content lives.

To Tugga I understand that your life experiences may have been complicated and that these simple advices might seem like platitudes to you. But I wouldn't agree that marriage is such tricky whimsical monster, good now and gone tomorrow either. Ofcourse it takes a set of compatible people together in the first place. Post that, its a set of simple rules like emotional maturity, respect & compassion for each other, open communication, and some fun to keep a marriage going. Irrespective of complex somebodys problems seem to be, they are just symptoms of a break down of a few core values.

Tridev, there are self-help books and marriage counselors ( and not all of them good) precisely for this reason. Cause lifes not all that random. There are patterns that can be analysed and learnt from and ultimately a few fundamental rules governing everything. Ofcourse it goes w/o saying that it needs 2 compatible ppl start with to build a good marriage.