Strange Situation in my Life

Hi IMO... I second spider too...
tell your DH that his colleague is the ex.. and you are not comfortable at keeping relationships which him and so he can also keep it to official matters only and not mix up with personal lives...
K

 

Looks like a movie. You are in a hard place. Be careful when you tell your husband. You are right in one thing. You can hide the feelings, bu can not erase it. Feelings never go.

Good luck.

Peace Be with you.:coffee

 

Exceptional,
You have already told your DH. So now all it takes is for you to tell that this is 'that guy'. You did not revive contact with him. It is not your mistake that this colleague happened to be 'that guy'. IMO, you can still tell your DH. When there is no leftover feelings in you, your eyes and voice would reflect the same to your DH. Have faith in yourself and your DH, coming clear will not bite back.

The longer you hide this, the more hurt/doubt it might inflict in your DH. Just tell him he is so and so & leave the matter at that. When you deal it casually the matter will remain casual.

For your point#2:
Let your DH handle that. maintaining hi-bye or more is his choice..

Point #3: I strongly do NOT recommend.
You may be tangling yourself with unnecessary sticky webs..

Point #4:
My suggestion: Avoid her. Avoid him. It is OK if you will be seen as an uncordial person by some.

 

I think you're still holding on to that person very dearly... pls accept the fact that he has a wife and kids and you need to treat his as any other acquaintance... this depends on how invloved you were and are... if you think your DH is your priority then there shall be no discomfort.

1. I'm not sure if husbands can deal with it, esp towards, 5th or 6th yr of marriage and you mentioning that you're uncomfortable in his presence.. it clearly indicates... your DH and family is not on your mind.

2.I guess yes the office relationship shall change forever.

3.What mess has that fellow done to you? Did he come over intentionally? Did he show unwanted progresses/ indecent behaviour? Pls remember Guys at times get over with CRUSHES much faster. Any mention of this simply conveys that you're vulnerable.

4.If that lady comes over.. remain clam and treat her like a friend's wife.

Also I strongly feel that if you dont mention in a carefree tone to your DH that this fellow was your crush, but continue mingling then he may feel you're enjoying in anonymity... hence gather courage and tell him in a funny not that this fellow was one of your many crushes in school/colleage and now you feel great that your parents dint give a go ahead and instead you having a wonderful family with your DH.
This is my opinion.. take your call.

 

Exceptional,

1. He already knows you had a crush , now knowing it is his co-worker is no big deal.

2. Your DH need not have great relationship with his co-worker. Let him decide how he deals with that guy. you focus on your relationship with your DH.

3. Why? Is there something that you didn't tell your DH and he can tell, that will mess your marriage? If not why talk to that guy about past? If he didn't tell his wife, wouldn't he be scared much more than you?

4. About what she will talk to you, that needs so much contemplation? I don't think she will talk to you about your past, even if we assume that guy will tell her now. You don't go any further on this freindship, it will only complicate things. If she talks in freindly way not knowing past, behave normally but don't show interest in taking it further.

I am sure it is kind of confusing. Try to calm down and I am sure you will deal well with situations as they come.

 

Exceptional,

I agree with the other ILites in this case.....

Looks like you are still having feelings for this guy.....but please come back to reality...You have a hubby and he is the one who is sticking with you through thick or thin....so you have to be bothered more about your relationship between you and your hubby...everything else is secondary...

You dont need to take any steps to HIDE the situation...
What is there to hide?
You have already told ur hubby about your past crush, and your hubby was a very good guy to take such good care of you (without being bothered about your past)...
When u have told him the most difficult part already ( that you HAD a crush)-now please dont spoil it by keeping quiet and acting dumb....:bonk
because if your husband comes to know (in future through any other source) about the identity of this colleague, he will feel he has been made a fool by his wife and even worse in front of the very same guy (due to his ignorance).
He may even begin to suspect that you guys have taken him for a ride-just because he had been a good person that maybe you guys are (maybe continuing to be) in contact on the sly, and that is the reason you have not come out and openly disclosed his identity even though the guy was just in plain sight.

If you didnt have any feelings for this guy and really was very very happy with your hubby- wouldnt you have joked about this past guy, and what a
terrible choice of a bf you had made by selecting that guy!!??(or something like that?)

Like the others suggested, -yes please tell him in a very light mood that this is THAT fellow Ï had told u about loooong time back...and say those things...( that u are happy it didnt work out and you got your hubby instead and give a few valid positive points -be specific,-because you want your hubby to realise that what you are saying is just not eye-wash but the truth...you really value your hubby over this guy)
And tell your hubby that you want to have an open, honest relationship with hubby thats why you are telling him....and u dont think the other guy has told his wife..what a pity ( that was one of his faults, not an open kind of guy or something like that...just to keep hubby happy). And if his wife comes to know later, wouldnt it be awkward for her too??-does she continue to behave in a friendly way or back out?

Also think what ur hubby will feel, maybe he wil also be confused when he hears this from you-now how to maintain relationship with this colleague whom he has already invited home once....

So just put in your last word about this topic that you dont care /mind if he maintains just a professional relationship with this guy...and you dont think you guys should be too friendly with him and his family ( after all you urself have admitted that you are not feeling comfortable-even if u lie about it to your hubby now, he may sense it later if he continues to invite them over)...and that in case his wife does call, you wil just keep it at hi and bye basis.......and ask your hubby, what do u think, should we be too friendly with these guys??

Let your hubby make the final decision and you stick to what he says.......
And be happy that you have not sabotaged your marriage, and this will in fact help strengthen your bond with your hubby.:cheers

And in any case, please dont EVER enqure about this guy (like what happened in office) and keep away from him and his family during office parties/get-togethers and such!!

Best of Luck:thumbsup

 

You people behaved like a stranger now....
I think you should maintain to be a stranger till end...
thats is a past episode so dont dig it again..