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Strange Situation in my Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Exceptional, May 21, 2010.

  1. Exceptional

    Exceptional New IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,
    Again I am here for a reason. Hope I will get an answer from all you ladies.
    Its been long since I posted here,but been following all the threads.
    Strange situation happened in my life - Let me tell you the scenario.
    I loved a guy in my college days but due to our parents disagreement, eventually we took a decision not to get married and took apart. Then we both got married to our respectives and both of us are in a very good positions wrt to career and we too have kids. Almost its been 5 years I met or seen him. Last week my husband told that one of his collegues would like to come for lunch with family on a sunday afternoon. So thought it was a formal one...so just made arrangements accordingly. To my surprise, I happened to see the guy whom I love to the core, the first love in my life along with his wife and cute kid. We both were shocked in that situation. I was dumbstuck throughout the lunch by showing my discomfort, though not intensional. He didn't mention anything about our freindship to his wife itseems, but I told to my husband ...he was broadminded and just accedpted me. How do you girls would react to this kind of incidents in life???
     
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  2. Prettina

    Prettina Gold IL'ite

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    I had never been in the situation nor would be in future..

    But I guess it would be very difficult to face the situation..

    I have some q's in my mind

    How would your dh invite someone to home who didnt know about their family???Friends will discuss about family also nahh..

    Your dh knows that he was the guy???If yes why did he invite?

    I guess he didnot know....But did you tell your dh that he was that guy after the meet?

    Please dont tell anything about him now and behave normal like any other freind...

    Past is past live for your present and future..

    Dont confuse youself...It has passed away..
     
  3. Induvadana

    Induvadana New IL'ite

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    Depends on when it is told. If told before marriage, I am not sure how i would have reacted. In arranged marriage, may be i would have got impressed by honesty and married if convinced that he has no feelings for the other one any more.
    If told after marriage, would consider breach of trust. Damn serious. Definitely would consider separation.

    BTW, did you tell DH that his co-worker is the guy? I would.
     
  4. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    How did you know that? Did you have a one-on-one chat with him?
    I feel it is best to keep a distance from him and his family. He is your "past" and now that both of you are happily married,why unnecessarily complicate life?
     
  5. Exceptional

    Exceptional New IL'ite

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    Hi Prettina,
    I told about that crush to my hubby, but it was before marriage. Later we haven't discussed anything about it and its been 4 years. My hubby doesn't know about this guy as my ex, neither me nor him informed my DH about it. I am really upset since that day, and all past memories comes to my mind and making my life hell.
     
  6. Exceptional

    Exceptional New IL'ite

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    Hi indu,
    I told about him before marriage itself to my DH, as it was just a crush for eachother like anyother. After that we didn't discuss anythign about and we havebeen happy living couple. I never regret for missing my ex in life as it was god's decision to live seperately.
     
  7. Exceptional

    Exceptional New IL'ite

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    Its my perception only. I didn't have any one on one, he simply behaved like an unknown person, and me too. But if it was told his wife, she wouldn't come there. She is an amazing lady and very talkitive and interactive. She mingled nicely with me and tried to conversation on kids,movies and saree designs etc. Though I was not in a mood,but thought it wont look nice without talking her as she is more proactive. So, I came to a conclusion that he didn't tell about me., May be he is also in the same situation like me.
    After couple of days, she called me up and asked about my kid's whereabouts and about metoo. She is a housewife and looking out for friends. I am simply in a dumbstuck state and dont want to interact with her anymore.

    True, I dont want to complicate my life or his life. But I thought I never wanted to meet him and get all past memories, I know its past but unable to digest to see him with another lady.
     
  8. yams

    yams Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi dear!

    its rather a difficult situation to face i understand!

    you said you both separated telling mutually good! just see him as a friend of your husband or a person who you met in your previous life nothing more than that!( i know its difficult but a women should have self control controlling her mind as well as heart! hope its possible for her more than a man)

    don't just spoil your present wonderful life because of the died old memories!
    its just a closed chapter or book you loved a lot!
    if needed just think of the sweet memories at times and forget it the next moment!

    your hubby seems to be a very sweet guy taking things light!
    think if he starts taking it serious????? so avoid those memories just face his friend (don't even want to mention him as your ex)
    with a smile in your face!like you see your hubbies other friends!

    erase everything from now on!
    even i have a friend whose is a love failure person facing him often with pain in her heart!
    (but don't show it in face she is really bold enough o face him as if he means nothing to her ) in your case its better in her case he left him saying i don't like you!
    think when it is possible for a 19 year old girl to face things without showing it much outside then why can't you?????
    she is even good at her studies didn't spoil it for the finished love but i could see a pain in her eyes always (keeps everything within i hope) so don't get things to let you and spoil your lovable life!
     
  9. kainaath

    kainaath Senior IL'ite

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    hi...
    i would jst like to suggest....dont live in your past,
    flames from your past are not welcomed easily into the present and may dampen your future.
    Both of you are happily married to the respectives, with kids. You said it yourself that it looked like he didnt mention anything to his Wife, dont mention him to your husband no matter he being broadminded.
    One thing abt men is that they dont like to share their wife, even with her best frnds let alone exflame.

    hope u make a sensible decision...
     
  10. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Exceptional,

    my suggestion is different. i'll state it and let you decide what you want to do with it.

    IMO, I dont believe in secrets between DH and DW (rare exceptions sure). In this case, my opinion is to have a frank talk with DH and mention to him that this was the person who was an ex-boyfriend, and both of you were surprised/shocked, so you could not tell him(DH) on the day of the lunch meeting.

    Tell him you are past your ex, and there are no confusions in your mind that you are happy with your current life with DH.

    I dont like this secret business one bit, but thats me.
     

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