Strange Problem

subha04 · Feb 12, 2010

Hi Friends
I feel extremely sorry for bothering you. This is regarding one of my cousins regarding whom i have mentioned in some threads. I want some suggestions / advice from you all for my cousin.
She is in her 40s and got married to a widower at the age of 37 yrs. Her husband is 48 now. Before marriage she was having regular periods (28 - 29 days). First month after marriage she got her periods on time - and then the periods started becoming irregular. She was taken to various gynecs and was on treatment for regularisation of periods but of no use. She got her last period in Aug 2009 and till now she didn't get her periods.
Her husband's 1st wife passed away of ovarian cancer. She had severe endometriosis so no children for 1st wife. Despite of that, both husband and wife were very much attached to each other. This man also loves her 1st wife very much - full of appreciations for her. My cousin who is the 2nd wife was on ttc and now becoz of various medications and no periods till now she is vexed up - very much disgusted with life. Her husband's 1st wife's parents didnot like their SIL getting married again after their daughter's demise.
The problem is my cousin's periods problem started only after her marriage so feels that its all a curse by the spirit of the 1st wife. She feels that her husband's 1st wife's spirit didnot like her husband sleeping with another lady in place of her. Even her husband though looks after her well - it seems he donot spend much time with her on the bed.
Friends request you to reply in this regard. Can such thing happen ? Can the spirit (or soul of 1st wife) cause such things ? Is this believable ? If so what is the remedy ? Whom to approach in this regard ?
Kindly help the poor lady in this regard. She is totally disgusted with life now. She feels her life is a big question mark now.

Thanks in advance.

Priya16 · Feb 12, 2010

subha,

You said she is married at 37.
Yesterday I saw in abc news that only 3% of the eggs remain at the age of the 40 and 13% remain at the age of 30.So what they are saying basically age do matter for pregnency.So it could be a age. She doesn't have to believe any other things and now she is 40.She will not get conceived like when women in her 20's.
Did she gained some weight? I believe at this point instead of worrying about other things, why don't they keep option for adoption?
Lot of young couples also go for adoption based on circumstances.
So ,ask her to keep everything away and be in good sprits. and her husband also not very young to be very active. So she should keep in mind about there ages and act accordingly.
Ask her to have physical exercise.Why could she think only problem in her.It could be her husband.So let them both have checkup with Infertility specialist,mostly they will figure out the issues.If they unable to concevie then they can think about adoption.

kokila19 · Feb 12, 2010

Hi subha,
I was reading your post, today I saw a program in makkal tv abt Infertility issues for both men and women, a doctor from Chatianya clinic replying to the queries. She told that, nowadays, women attaining their menopause in the early 40's because of the change in the food habits and the hormonal tablets we are taking to regularise our periods. For me its total shocking. She said its true.

I m not scaring you, I want to share the information which I got it today.

Ask your cousin to check with specialist doctor. Ask her not to worry.

SriVidya75 · Feb 12, 2010

my thought would be ask the couple to leave their city and go on a vacation for couple of days. to get out of all this tension. Let the girl go to a doctor and get her examined...and follow the docs suggestion...am sure these things would be cured with medical help..

As far as first wives aathma troubling her its all in the brain (atleast this is what I think..) seems like your friend is in more pressure to TTC and thats what is making her ballistic of all such thoughts...

subha04 · Feb 12, 2010

thank you priya, kokila and srividya. i'll certainly read out your advises and suggestion to her and will try to console her.
thank you once again.

rosenav · Feb 12, 2010

I think your cousin should stop all other treatments, and just go for IVF as she will have better chance that way... considering her age... couple of cycles will defo work, ask her husband also to get his SA done so that they can rule out he is fine with no Issues. Incase he also has issues they can go fr donor eggs.

They is no evil do on her ... she needs a right treatment.

Priya_Mommy · Feb 12, 2010

As per the reserachers and studies, most of indian women will enter their menopause time during 40-50 years of age. May be menopause knocked your friend's door a bit early. As rosenav suggested, they can stop all medications and go for IVF method. Or they adopt a child aswell.

ProReal · Feb 12, 2010

I was just going to quote what Priya has written as it came in the news just a few days ago. Also Infertility is no longer a reason for not having a child, today's medical field is so advanced and there is a remedy for everything.

Please ask your cousin to not start thinking negatively about curse etc. Once she gets in that thought process she will start feeling even more insecure and bad.

I have endometriomas and I conceived by natural means within 2 months of trying but after 3 operations. My doctor himself says it is a miracle. Ask her to go for IUI or IVF immediately as age catches up with you fast.

hamsa23 · Feb 18, 2010

Hi Subha,
M not that experienced to advice u inthis matter, but I can say some thing regarding periods, ask your cousin to use baidyanath Sundarikalp forte , it is available in any ayurvedic shops, dosage according to the lable on medicine, it really works, try this.

surekha · Feb 18, 2010

Hi!
well iam no expert in this but has same experience.i faced same problem after marriage.for 4 years to be precise.before marriage my periods were very regular.sometimes the gynocogist suggest a test to see if the tubes are closed or have any obstruction in her.i forgot the name.lot of times that clears everything and the chances will be good.Ask for that to a gynocologist.otherwise they will sugguest some medications to improve sperm count in gents and in ladies.He is over 40 so it is not a better age from his side too.First of all worrying over something too much cause the delay of periods.believe it or not i had no problems in life still i felt the tension in my mind for delayed and not getting them regularly.Try to take ur mind off getting pregnant for some time not months but few days and see.it is easy to say but got to try.my prayers are with u.