Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my mind

Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

Dear Op,

Don't be so harsh with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Why do you want punish yourself. These things happen in many lives. Mothers are not always angels. They too behave badly in many instances.

You must stop replaying the past again and again in your mind. It is not going to help you in anyway. You can't undo the past. Instead you will be only spoiling your, your DH and the LOs mental and physical health. Concentrate on your LO.

If you feel guilty ask your Dad for his forgiveness and after that you should never think about it or discuss about it with anyone.

If you think what ever happened at that time bad throw them out of your mind. What do we do with the garbage. Once the bag is full we have throw away. Otherwise the whole house will be stinking, will lead to spread of infection in the house and people will keep away from the house as it stinks too much. In the same way throw away unwanted thoughts from your heart before it takes its tole on you.

Enjoy watching your son's each and every movement and development. Spend your leisure time in house keeping, make your DH happy. Spend time in prayers that will bring peace to your mind. But don't keep thinking about the past during prayers. Be kind to yourself.

 

Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

Dear helpmeplease127,

Big hug to you. I guess you are into post delivery depression and you are not able to judge the situation. Dear YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. Its your mom who is ruining the lives of each family member. Leave the reason if she went through child abuse or what.But it seems you people are going thro lot of abuse. I am so happy that you have lovely husband.

It seems your family have this habbit of screaming at each other just at the drop of hat. This is jsut not a good thing in any family. When one screams then the other person scream just coz the first person spoke without knowing the vaild reasons. Nobody is there in your family to pacify.

Time only can heal this. Just accept that you are doing correct things. Dont feel guilty of anything otherwise it will kill your peace of mind. If you cant go out for counselling then get CDs on meditation, order them online. Listen to them whenever you get time. Pray for your inner peace..then slowly with time you will realise that you were never wrong, you realise that its your kid and husband is important for you now, once you start getting out of this emotions, start interacting with your In-laws...they will shower the love of parents.

3 bad days in hospital has already ruined your 5months..dont take it further. You shouted at them coz they were selfish, not thinking abt you and your well being, how could she badmouth and namecall your husband, how dare she?...lady you have a valid reasons. WHY ARE YOU FEELING GUILTY?

I understand you need loving and caring parents and cheerful brothers too. I would suggest you to calm down first then you can think of them. Concentrate on yourself first. Make sure that nobody hurts you anymore...even when your bro and parents tell anything ...just make sure you wont shout, scream and do namecallings.

Why are showing that you are weak and need them? Just try live like queen as your husband is treating you this way and try happy relation with your inlaws. This way you too would understand the real meaning of parent's love and can reciprocate the same to your kid and family.

With time I am sure your brothers will come to you by themselves and your mom would follow them. Once they join give a warning that this is the last chance for the relation if they again misbehave, abuse, badmout or namecall then you are going to cut off from that person forever.

Love
Omnam

 

Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

Yes OP, if you feel so guilty, ask your parents forgiveness once and that too for just your behavior then, though what you did was an instant reaction to their nonsense. And stop being so harsh on yourself. Also spend time praying, you will find peace.

 

Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

Don't feel much guilty,its not just you almost every woman gets so irritable during the postpartum,even becomes worse if some one is not there to support adequately,it seems horrible to me how one can judge you who had just delivered,after you went through so much trauma for 3 years even risking your life for your baby

I guess you wanted some validation regarding your mom's bad actions ,I felt you were also in denial because no one wants to accept mom as evil mom,but good that you had digested this bitter fact,
yes moms can be cruel,just like human beings are good and bad ,there are good moms and evil moms,
please take care of your self by attending the counselling ,ask them if they could allow you with the baby,if not request them that you need this accomodation, try different counselors who are specialized in the postpartum depression in your area . Few day cares even offer hourly drop ins,check some reputed places ,I guess it doesn't hurt to leave the baby for couple of hours ,

It is very essential for you to meet a good counselor,I say good because there are very bad counselors, who just listen to all the story and endless sessions ,even without offering a soothing word

If the mom is depressed so long it is not good for baby even,babies pick up mom's mood easily. Good to see that your DH is offering very soothing words and the wonderful support you need at this time.

Give your self some time ,keep minimum interaction with your parents for some time so you don't undergo another cycle of confusion,if you feel that bad ,apologise to your dad saying that you didn't mean it ,and you were under a lot of stress at that time and leave the matter

 

Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

I have experienced a bad counselling. He asked me to bend for husband family endlessly, he was trying to make me adjust to husband's family...then i spoke to him online and asked if he would give or wish such nonsense advice to his own daughter? Then he got futurious telling you are into depression and u need counselling and come down to his office. He charge 1000rs for an hour. If I go for depression then my pocket will go into recession. Lol. This counselor is a professor in renowned college.

 

Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

How about getting part time cleaning and cooking help until you guys get recovered from all the stress, you may try home health aides or some Indian babysitter who can offer cooking help as well,trust me it is worthy the amount you pay in a long run ,take your health wise or baby health wise ,your husband's work quality,the peace of mind that comes with a clean house and some good food,the quality time you spend with your baby and some nice memories as three in your family,

Tashidelek2002 mentioned about very good links regarding Narcissist mother ,please check it one more time,it has very valuable info

take care

 

Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

think about the good things in your life... poor baby.. he does not deserve this..

why do you keep thinking of your parents all the time.. think of your child ...you are repeating the cycle... your parents (especially the one's you have) and the maiden home are all behind you now... leave them behind.. you don't need an apology from them nor do you need to apologise... you are having a decent "hi / bye" relationship which is good enough..

now concentrate on your family... your husband... your child...

its high time..

 

Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

Its me the original poster. I lost my old id ( helpmeplease127)
You girls have helped me tremendously in the past.
All was goimg okay in my life not much second guessing I have accepted who my parents really are.
My brother and his wife went to india to visit my parents last week. My mother kicked them out of the house and fought with them like a mad woman. Now my brother who always believed her no longer does and my bhabhi hates her guts. All silly reasons like what they did when they were here last here for my pregnancy.

Well she also said a lot of bad things to my brother and his wife about me and my husbajnd that we arw horrible people we treated them bad etc etc

Knowing me when my bhabhi told me so,e of the stuff I have again started doubting something a little.
I have come here to ask from all the members who answered or new members. Thats why I am posting on my origianal thread so new members can also read my story
What my mum told my brother and his wife is that Sia and her husband are so bad thay when we went to meet her on the day of the operation ( my csection was at 10 in the morning they came to see me that same evening from new jersey to new york) she did not show us the baby. Yes thats true the baby was premie he was 35 weeker and had some breathing and jaundice issues for which he was in nicu in the hospital. So they came to my room met me and we told them baby is in nicu thats all. Nobody said they badly want to see him. We assumed its okay. They would have maybe allowed grandparents to take a look at the baby in nicu but we just didmt think about it.

Now i am beimg blamed for it.

Next day as m story said they all were a little angry with me. My brother my mum amd dad
Mum said i womt be comimg to hospital agaim as its very cold for her. She said shes not well and so she cannot even make soup for me and send with dad but that Dad and
brother can come. Baby was still in nicu. So i said its okay as it is baby is not with us and you are not comimg nor sendimg food so nobody come its okay. Of course 2 days later she fought with us like a mad woman and dad supported her.

So that was my question friends. Do you think i made a huge mistake not offering them to go see the baby in nicu

 

Re: Story of my evil mom., stillborn son and unfair situation.Help I am losing my min

I think you need to stop communicating with your family - brother, wife and your parents. Communicating with them is triggering your mind into the past and you are reliving those bad memories again, again and again. Your mom is certainly not helping you with her behavior.

Now here is the practical thing to do. Do you have your friends around? Do you have real people to talk to? Do you have a place to go? You are not only making your life miserable but your child's and husband's too who have nothing to do with issues between you and your parents.

I think you are finding it hard to believe that how can there be a such mean mother. Mother is supposed to be all good. Then please believe that there are mean mothers. There are mothers that treat daughters like source of income. There are also mothers that don't want to give anything to daughter but want their money for their needs. There are also mothers that speak of ideals(rightfully) when it comes to dowry of daughter but want crores of dowry for their sons. All kinds of mothers exist. Just that their stories are not heard. So be happy that you are far away from her and find your happiness.