Stories on BLIND Faith - of Spouse For Parents

ShilpaMa · Feb 20, 2013

Lets have a new thread dedicated to stories of BLIND faith your spouse has for his/her parent which is indeed a pain in wrong place for you.

One of my recent pain

H : Lets go out .. 2 of us.. secluded place... leaving kids with MY parents when they visit us.
Me : Pin drop silence... but want to tell.... shakehead

Facts about Inlaws:
- Never left an opportunity to tell children, don't cry for her.. let her goto work.. for her thats her priority.. we're there to love you.
- always ready to feed junk food to small children.
- FIL has fixed schedule for TV, walks, eating, sleeping.. no time snag allowed.
- FIL himself has big menu of 1/2 hr coffee/ tea/ snacks to be given by MIL... so where does she have time & energy to concentrate on kids. They're OLD.
- MIL gives off to cook n nanny when am not arnd.. cos they can't handle the fact of someone hovering on their head... and they're used to just 2 ppl living.
- MIL is overtly loving and hence careless... my daughter was injured once... son (special needs) has been severly injured twice and managed without scratches when his cycle went down 10 steps on stairs... she left the main door open and was lazy to run after him.. he's hyperactive.
- MIL doesn't spare badmouthing her own blood relatives when they leave small kids with parents and go out for vacation with their spouse.
- MIL had past intentions of deteriorating my & H relations... to him she's offering this vacation but I know whats in store for me.
- MIL is frustrated if I attend parties .. she's unable to eat home dinner those days... if she hears anyone going for vacation.. she's ready with her bags.
- MIL loves only grand daughter and forgets about grandson... also she's mentioned several times that they can't handle him, match his energies and he should indeed be raised by my Parents.
- (Based on past exp for Potty cleaning.. when I had to go out for work related) MIL cleans GD but waits for the nanny to come and clean GS and he may lie in dirty diaper/ clothes for hours.

However this SON worships her :coffee and is unable to see the OTHER face of his mother. For him everything she does is justified and a GOLDEN mantra from her mouth.

He refuses to allow my parents to take care of kids for 1 day.. even when there's a clean record of not even 1 scratch to any of the child... but runs to calls his parents for even a minor ailment and this MIL lashes out on me... why can't ever your parents come.. each time we have to run & bear all this inconvinience....
Last time I told her.. your son behaves like a wife in the marriage ... hence I need to let him do a few things for the sake of peace.... and if this is such a big torture for you.. then why don't you decline his requests rather than telling what I or my parents shud be doing.

Young@heart · Feb 20, 2013

My story of recent and not-so recent pain (i.e. ongoing for a long time)

My H insists on buying a house in my and MiL/ FiL name!!!!

Facts about H and in-laws: -

1. Very Money Minded.
2. Even though honest with our money till date, i dont trust them (maybe issue is with me.
3. They keep on comparing/ sharing similar stories about their daughter and granddaughter (13Y) with my kids - DS (9) and DD (5).
4. MiL and FiL have past intentions and history of deteriorating my & H relations too.
5. My H worships his parents.

I have given up on the hope that my H will ever see my side of view ever , in any situation.

Regards,

seethavarma · Feb 20, 2013

How do you manage to survive between deep sea and devil?
Hats off!

sweetyappy · Feb 20, 2013

OMG... I am already horrified. I am expecting and my DH has all plans like this to keep our baby with his parents.
I am not against that they cant take care of our baby but FIL is not that old (behaves like old, that he cannt get up from his place quickly... he just sleeps, sleeps and sleeps.) MIL is busy all the time in kitchen as cooking.. As she loves to cook.

Moreover my MIL is against Maid/nanny at home. she does not like any 3rd person entering into her Kitchen for heaven sake ... what am I supposed to do...

I am extremely horrified with the thought itself of this. This adds more tension to my life despite of knowing I should keep myself happy and cheerful.

Other option would be me to leave my job, but which does not seem good as we are not that financially strong.

Please give any other thoughts/ideas for this ... :hide:

coolgal123 · Feb 20, 2013

My MIL doesnt do a thing for me or for my husband... If i am sick or I am not at home , my husband doesnt get food to eat still he says ki mummy sab kuch kar lengi...mummy bahut karti hai hamare liye...i dont what is that bahut kuch?
regarding injuries, same thing happened with my daughter when my mil used to take care of her, she was injured twice, one she got her chin hurt badly and other time her nose. i doubt she gave her anything to eat when i used to be in office still my husband believed that they took best care of my daughter.- but My husband was earning well so i took break from my job at tht time and after that when my DD becomes of around 2.5 yrs i put her in daycare. and now my dd herself denies to stay with her grandparents instead she says i want to go to day care ....

TheSahil · Feb 20, 2013

Here's my case:
MIL: I could do with some milk tonight.
Wife: Darling, can you please boil some milk because 'I' feel like having it.
I do it. But then:
SIL: Did someone boil milk? I want to have some too, but with chocolate in it.
Wife: Darling can you please give 'ME' some chocolate milk?
That is when i lose it, shout and shut the 3 women up. Then make up with wife later on!

ShilpaMa · Feb 20, 2013

Sahil, this appears more like usage of SPOUSE rather than BLIND faith.
You're the right candidate to start a new thread on BEING USED by SPOUSE for inlaws.

ShilpaMa · Feb 20, 2013

Coolgal, that reminds me of another BLIND FAITH..

H : If you want fresh food mumma will make it for you... I anyways like JUNK... will buy it in office
Me : Hmmmmmmmmmm

MIL Facts:
- She's out of bed pretty late.
- She can make only sandwiches in the morning.
- Am still waiting for the day when she'll make a tiffin for me.
- After my delivery... my mom was told to leave.. and I was making my own bread and butter.. as with kids and hosp rounds I din't have time to make fresh breakfast for all.... and rest of the meals I was eating at hospital canteen, I was buying my own nuts for my strength.
- MIL keeps watching TV and still telling in front of her son... I'll make X,Y,Z for you tomo. If ABC has not come.. how can I hope for XYZ... its all in the air.
- Whenever we make paav bhaaji, she insists on buying pavs and will get only as much sufficient for 3 of them and i need to make my own chapati.... She would mention if there's more.. we'll eat more.... BUT madam... if there's less.. you still eat the same... rest have to eat something else.

sweetshreya · Feb 20, 2013

Oh ShilpaMa, I could go on and on about this one......

This is a recent one:

DH's cousin (who is a dotor) got married and my dad went to attend the wedding.
MIL to Dad: See, this is the girl, I soooo much wanted my son to marry. But God had other plans. He got married to your daughter.

Later,
DH to Me: Mom praised you so much. She told your dad that she chose you over her own niece....
Me: :bang

Another one:

When I go to India alone, DH speaks to me on phone for hours when I'm with my parents. But when I'm at in-law's place, he talks only for few minutes and then hangs up. When I asked him why,

DH: I don't have any worries when you are there. I know you will be looked after well and you will be very happy.
Me: :bang

You can imagine how angry that makes me. But what can I do? :rant

Rakhii · Feb 20, 2013

To be honest, this blind faith will break. One day, keep watching.

My DH was like this in the beginning. I used to be horrified at how he can be controlled sitting across miles by mom and sis. But one fine day it dawned on him that his family (me) is being mistreated and if his silence continues, the mistreatment will continue to next generation. He took a stand and put his foot down and said that if his wife (me) is being mistreated, he wouldnt think twice to stand up for her (me)....of course in different words.

Since that day neither my FIL, MIL or my SIL talk to me or my parents. They didnt even call for my DD's first birthday...but thats ok. DH finally realized.