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Stockholm Syndrome In Indian Arranged Marriages-

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by blindpup10, Jun 28, 2016.

  1. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    I have been thinking on this topic for quite some time now. Especially after reading so many MIL/DIL/ Husband and family issue.

    Is arranged marriage set to become Stockholm syndrome in both the partners? I am not saying the suffering party is just women, in certain very rare cases, I understand men suffer too. The more I think about it... I strongly feel Indian arranged marriage are a typical example for Stockholm Syndrome bonding.

    Stockholm syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    How can one overcome being in this situation? I know divorce helps.
    Why do you feel our society scorns on divorcees?
    Isn’t our society pushing us toward this Stockholm syndrome, by rejecting or not supporting divorcee?
    Is it just in arranged marriages? and this kind of situation doesn't happen in love marriages?
    Would Indian women approach divorce with ease if our society supported divorcees? What are you opinion ladies?
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2016
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  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    A woman should escape from abusive husband or in-laws. It can emotional abuse or physical abuse like beating.
     
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  3. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    @blindpup10 why do you feel only indian marriages lead to stockholm syndrome ? Why not marriage in general ?
     
  4. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    yes, it can happen in love marriages too, once wedding ceremony is over, marriage is same, whether indian/arranged/love, for abusers there can be any reason to abuse, it is their nature.

    I think yes. not only society, her own FOO people support too.
     
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  5. sslkgpaa

    sslkgpaa Gold IL'ite

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    SS(for Stockholm syndrome hence forth) as per my understanding is when victim is empathetic towards abuser and justifies the violence or abuse as genuine repercussion or validates it somehow.
    Supporting a divorcee will hot help in this, coz a divorcee has never been a candidate for SS, however it helps if while growing up a girl knows her self worth and understand that abuse can never be justified, and under no circumstances she should take it.
     
  6. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    @madras2018
    I said Indian arranged marriage. Emphasizing on 'arranged' marriage.
     
  7. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    ok got it. But i still dont see why love marriages do not qualify. What is it about the arranged marriage that u feel makes it predisposed to Stockholm syndrome ? if anything it shouLd be the contrary, because the woman is not enamored or in love with the man on day 1 of the marriage. hence technically less likely to become hostage to misplaced love feelings or confusing abuse for love.
     
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  8. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    This has absolutely nothing to do with arranged marriages. In the west there are not many arranged marriages, yet abuse exists pretty well. Even if support is there, it won't make a difference. What is the support one can expect? Nobody can take care of another person beyond a limit. It is up to that person to realize and decide when to take a call and quit. As far as divorce is concerned, I don't think women are being forced to compromise in situations where they cannot take it anymore. However it is true that in Indian context, the chance of better life in case a divorce happens is 50-50. Divorce itself as a concept is not taken well.
     
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  9. Desiindian

    Desiindian Gold IL'ite

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    Arranged marriage pattern is prevalent in many countries like Middle East, many Asian countries, developing countries in America and Africa. Why Indian couples in bad marriage feel more suffocated? due to our society, social norm and particularly by our immediate and extended family. In other countries, when men or women want to move on from abusive partner their only hesitation would be their kids, otherwise they feel free to decide. In Islamic counties also divorcee women remarry and start a fresh relationship. This is because the society and custom allows them. Here even young widow remarriage is not common. Our society is just getting better, period.

    We keep saying society to change and accept changes. First, our parents and sibling must understand and support us. This sounds rude, but this is the truth, women are willing to marry already married/divorcee men. So men find it easy to drop a relationship and take another one. If they also face hurdles to remarry, inlaws and husband will think hundred time before making demands from DILs/Bridetobe/wife. So first of all we need to change.
     
  10. ennakshatram

    ennakshatram Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you blindpup10 for including the phrase "in certain very rare cases, I understand men suffer too" in your post. The answer, in my humble opinion, is that the victims in most cases have a heart. Such people tend to believe 100% selfishness is wrong and believe in sacrifices and miracles. They may also believe that: there is a God who will help them, they must have done something wrong to make their spouse so mad, it is their fate, there is still some hope, they will lose their children to a monster or worse their children will be hurt, and so many other reasons. For an outsider (advice writers on this forum) the victim will seem one who enjoys abuse or simply is foolish or deserving. No it is not like that. We think about a lot of things and want to do the best that we can. Above all we think of the abuser as human and so dearly hold on to any little bit of love that perpetrator may have given us. So the answer to your question is: Psychologists and academics in general can come up with a broad brush term to describe the misfortune of the abused. They can even invent a textbook solution to release those hostages and punish the bad guys. I think there is really no solution. It is one of those cruel natural disasters that slowly kills you! You may wonder what others can do. My suggestions: Don't judge, don't proselytize, don't assume, listen, empathize with, show some love and above all pray. Thanks.
     
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