1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Still anyone follow this customs in your house?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anu1122, Sep 8, 2014.

  1. beaudiy

    beaudiy New IL'ite

    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    This proves nothin but the universal fact that men does usually have more 'Balls' than 'Brains' (**pun intended**)
     
  2. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    733
    Likes Received:
    960
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Why follow such ridiculous customs in a family? What are your ILs suggesting? That they don't trust you or their SIL to behave in an appropriate manner with the opposite sex? Are they worried about EMA between DIL and their SIL, just because they sit together for some time (that too at IL's place)? Quite insulting to both DIL and their SIL.

    Distrust of both parties is clad as 'respect' for male members.

    Will your ILs follow their SIL to his office/social gatherings as well to make sure he is not sitting with other women? What if their SIL has an affair with any of them? Or should they follow their DIL to make sure she does not interact with any other man?

    What if the DIL is pregnant or ill? Why is it expected of the woman to give up her comforts after marriage? Even her self respect?

    Why control DIL so much? Is she not an individual, worthy of respect? Do they ask their son not to sit when a lady visits? I guess not! Such traditions seem completely irrelevant in today's age.

    I wonder at our patience as DILs to put up with such nonsense from ILs; particularly those who did not have these rules at parents' place. A woman is expected to give up her entire identity after marriage, and mould herself as per DH and IL's wishes!
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2014
  3. Grihani

    Grihani Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    270
    Likes Received:
    349
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    This is a custom that was followed by my grandparents, some relations, especially the men in the family are to be treated like royalty ...I am glad your husband does not believe in it, you can either take it on, speak up or ignore...it is a choice.
     
  4. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    733
    Likes Received:
    960
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    My ILs follow this too. Not allowed to sit ear FIL/BIL. Meal times are exceptions thankfully.
     
  5. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,300
    Likes Received:
    4,058
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    So ladies who are subject to such humiliating or weird customs- why do you a grown woman put up with it?

    If someone told me that, I would have told to tell the other person where to sit or not but me as I will sit where I please. It is indeed strange that women put up with all this crap. No wonder husband and IL- if they not good people- take advantage.
     
  6. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    681
    Likes Received:
    1,914
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    My MIL does :) She does not teach people from other religions,so-called other castes because she believes she is of a higher caste. She wont eat stuff made by these people in their homes too. if by chance she happens to touch them, she will immediately go and take bath . i am not exaggerating.
     
  7. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    733
    Likes Received:
    960
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Sometimes, they do not spell it out as clearly as OP's ILs have. They pretend to be open - minded. But their behavior suggests it. One realizes this only later.

    I can't help saying it seems so rude on your part. Do you think it is okay for you to be rude to them in return? Maybe they really believe in these things and have followed them all their life. I agree its disrespectful and not right to make DIL follow it too. And I really wish they could see that. But do you really fight like this with DH and ILs??? Don't you show them the minimum respect as DH's parents??? Do you think its wise to fight with them on every issue??? I am curious to know. Please do share your opinion.

    Sorry for saying this, but it seems you insult your ILs. It seems you just want to pick up fights with them. I could never react like you did. No matter what problems I have with them.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2014
  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    10,893
    Likes Received:
    26,432
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    When I go to India, we visit houses with varying customs. I find many of them objectionable, but I go with the flow as the visit is a maximum of one or two nights stay.

    There are some customs in my own house and in-laws' house too. Some I have spoken up against, and now I or my husband are not expected to follow. Some we follow for the sake of peaceful visit.

    These customs impact both me and my husband, and we follow them out of respect to the hosts. One such thing is that my husband leaves the room if certain older female relatives come by. There is only one TV, and when they want to watch TV, he has to leave the drawing room. Which means he has to go outside as there is no other room for him to be in. He does it quietly, and I quietly follow some rules including some that mean I cannot ask him some things in front of elders. Like if he is going out, I cannot ask "When will you return?"
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,300
    Likes Received:
    4,058
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    You are quite wrong. I don't insult anyone in my IL's family but then they are really nice people who treat me very well. I love it when they visit me and often wish my IL's stayed closer (they live 2 hours away). Oh and btw, my husband is adorable too- yes we fight -but it is hard to remain angry with him for long.

    My equation in life is very simple. I refuse to be treated disrespectfully because I am a woman.............by anyone. So I wont follow any stupid rules in my house.

    But I will respect the rules of the home I am visiting. If I am asked to do something demeaning like asked to get up when the SIL comes, I have the right to understand why. The SIL and DIL share the standing in the home so how does he get more importance and not DIL?
    So because the SIL is the pati paremeshwar of their darling daughter, he gets important but since the DIL is the less being, she has to get up genuflect? Sorry not happening.

    You don't need to apologize for saying what you want. The one thing is I love my PIL's and unlike so many people who constantly nit-pick everything their MIL does, I actually share a very warm and friendly relationship. It is very easy for me to love them because they are lovable. But then my husband loves my family too. I believe husband's parents deserve all the respect (and not just respect but love too) but the wife's parents deserve just as much respect and love.

    I am happy with my family and my choices, regardless of what you think. If you are happy with yours, that is great.



     
  10. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,300
    Likes Received:
    4,058
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    When you are a guest in someone's home, it is only decency that the guest respect the ethos of the host. By that I also assume that host is not out to demean the guest. If something is a inconvenience or minor irritant and needs to be dealt with for a day or week, it is fine. For example, my husband is very affectionate- he will come and hug me or say "I love you" in front of our immediate families. He hugs my mom too. But I can tell you that some of my relatives in India will find that very uncomfortable if they were to witness all that. When we are in front of older people like that, our behavior change to respect their feelings. I am fine with respecting someone's sensibilities.

    But the topic on hand was about customs "in your home"......customs that are regressive and demeaning specifically to women. Disclaimer: I am old-fashioned and I think a man should get up when a woman walks in not vice versa.

    Btw, I like the custom that when elderly female relatives come to watch TV, your husband has to cedes the TV and room to them ....cute :)
     

Share This Page