Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anu1122, Sep 8, 2014.
I agree with Vishwa. It is up to the BIL to defuse this situation. Is that a possibility?
If you can't sit in front of male relatives, what are you supposed to do-levitate? I love how all these customs are about only men's comfort.
In fact a Gentleman (assuming he is one) should stand up and pull a chair when a lady walks in not the other way around. I like how in Indian culture everything is skewed against the woman.
LOL... imagine that
That will earn the DIL some respect... levitating.... hahahaha.
I am reminded of the cheesy bollowood horror flicks of the 80s where a tortured (and murdered) DIL would come back in the form of a spirit into the body of a new DIL and give the folks a hard time!
My grand ma 87years never sits or talks even today, when her sil is around, she gets up unlike we stand up seeing a teacher, she goes inside when he comes. My uncle will tell that your patti will give so much respect, he tells it with great pride, but i tell him she is very old still if she does so you must not allow her, such practices do exists with old traditions. They think its a token of respect by not sitting in front of a male member.
Terms and conditions applied, no female will be granted such allowances..
I feel this custom that really needs to go. It is not practiced in my family, though I have seen my aunt not wanting to sit in front of her sons-in-law, but this is not forced upon her daughters or grand-daughters.
In your case your BIL and your DH have to clear things up with your FIL.
All such a custom will achieve is that outwardly the poor lady will remain standing to show respect but will be banging the chair on Fils head in her mind because of the sheer frustration at such controlling ways. All these senseless customs have made womens' life like this: :hide: Sitting under the chair (not on it) all confused with so many rules.
Respect should not be demanded but earned by showing kindness like in this case if the fil gets up and vacates his chair for dil to sit down. He would gain her true respect then and gain a loving daughter in dil.
Most Indians equate respect with age ,gender and relationship equation...irrespective of your deeds or character. A grandfather can be a murderer or molester but still expect to be respected by the family.MiL can be use the filthiest language and the most abhorrent behavior.....but she has to respected by dil because she is the mother of your husband.
Respect is rarely earned...it is usually demanded and coerced.
Oh my god ! Next I will hear somebody is following untouchability !! Hadd ki hadd !! Crappy traditions !!
I have walked into a dining room once in a mess. It was full of Indian Army officers some of them much much senior to the officer I was with. Every one of them stood up when I walked into the room,even though they were all already eating their meal y then. One of the senior officer, who was probably my Dad's age, escorted me to my table and pulled the chair out for me to sit and wished me a pleasant meal. He ordered the officer I was with to take good care of his guest and even sent a message to the kitchen staff for a special dinner(like they didn't have amazing stuff already).
That relationship went nowhere but that dinner date stays in my head even today. Indian men are conditioned to be superior but can be reconditioned to be otherwise too!